# How did you handle your drop in libido? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 16, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198 "2010-01-16T15:35:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/21 "2010-01-17T15:56:28Z")
> [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > …He said that for 50 years it was like being chained to an idiot." He may be an idiot. But he’s _my_ idiot, and I like him! ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/22 "2010-01-17T17:00:38Z")
I’m 52, and have noticed neither a falling off of desire or ability. Opportunity, on the other hand… ---
**Author:** ![Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/278dde/32.png) [@Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runs_With_Scissors)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2010, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/23 "2010-01-18T05:05:47Z")
I suppose everyone is different, but I’m 40 and I still have the desire and the capability as much as when I was half my age…sometimes MORE. Your descriptions of your “before” behavior are scant compared to me NOW. Again, though…everyone is different. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2010, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/24 "2010-01-18T12:19:14Z")
I’ll get it looked at (boy, that sounds like a euphemism for something…). I want to think my Dad went through something similar. I can’t exactly ask him as he passed away about 4 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2010, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/25 "2010-01-18T12:23:03Z")
I used to need two hands to hold it down. Now I need one. I figure I have become stronger. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/26 "2010-01-19T01:16:09Z")
Here’s a joke I told at work: When I was a teenager, I never thought my hormone levels would decrease…nowadays, I’m lucky if I have two hormones to rub together. Imho, it’s normal. What I would suggest though is to let your wife know what’s going on, and be honest if she wants to and you don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/27 "2010-01-19T04:23:39Z")
**U.B.** , is there any chance that you’re depressed? Specifically, as a cause of your drop in libido (and not a consequence thereof)? ---
**Author:** ![DoperChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@DoperChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoperChic)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/28 "2010-01-19T04:59:19Z")
There’s an old saying that goes something like “The more you do it the more you do it.” If you want to have more sex then try having more sex. At first it may be more a mental desire than an actual physical desire/libido thing, but eventually (hopefully) your libido will catch on to what you’re trying to do here. For me the lower libido is from meds I’m taking. In my case I’ve found the “Just Do It More Technique ™” to work quite well, for a while at least. Part of why it all works has to do with the great side effects of sex, if you will. You’re happier, the wife is happier, your hormones are running on turbo… Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/29 "2010-01-19T05:46:32Z")
> [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > **eleanorigby** You need the marmosets to make the proper gender change. > > **MoodIndigo1** I’m open for most anything (a loaded statement to make, considering the topic) and it’s something I should do anyway, based on hitting my 40th b’day. Marmoset there’d be days like this. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/30 "2010-01-19T13:42:58Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > **U.B.** , is there any chance that you’re depressed? Specifically, as a cause of your drop in libido (and not a consequence thereof)? Not really. I’ve been depressed. Clinically, medically, therap…uh…ically depressed. This ain’t that. It’s pretty much a cooling of the ‘itch’. The wife’s libido has _always_ been lower than mine, and with frequency, a rebuff would be left with feelings of resentment and crankyness. Over a number of years we came to an ‘understanding’ that greatly reduced the tension in our relationship. 50% of the time, I’d go rub one out and everybody would be happier for it, 25% of the time she’d 'take one for the team, and I would be happier for it, and the other 25% she’d have a helluva good time too. Now, I don’t even feel much like asking. (bah, words don’t convey the right meaning…) If I ask, it’s not because I really _want_ it, and if the answer is no, it doesn’t really bug me much. It’s more a feeling that if I didn’t get it, I wouldn’t miss it, and wouldn’t really be upset. We set aside some time this weekend and everything works :D, it’s just that my libido used to run at a 7 or 8 (on a 0-10 scale) and now it’s a 2 or 3. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/31 "2010-01-19T13:53:17Z")
It would be a good idea to go see your MD and make sure there is no underlying cause of which this is just a symptom. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/32 "2010-01-19T14:18:30Z")
> [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](#): > > Marmoset there’d be days like this. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/33 "2010-01-19T14:48:28Z")
I agree with others 40 is too young to have this problem. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/34 "2010-01-19T16:25:36Z")
> [@Lanzy](#): > > I agree with others 40 is too young to have this problem. No shit! At 40 I was having an affair with a 24-year old and going at it like weasels 7 days a week. At 45 I met my present spouse and we were a daily thing for over a year, cutting back to 3-4 times a week for several years after that. I could understand losing libido if the OP is very obese and taking meds for BP, etc. But maybe he ought to get a testosterone test by his doctor. They make a cream that you rub on to bring the level back up. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/35 "2010-01-19T17:17:24Z")
> [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](#): > > Marmoset there’d be days like this. Been hanging on to that one for a while, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/36 "2010-01-19T17:37:15Z")
What’s to handle? It’s like asking how do you fix not liking broccoli. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/37 "2010-01-19T17:52:09Z")
> [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > Not really. I’ve been depressed. Clinically, medically, therap…uh…ically depressed. > > This ain’t that. It’s pretty much a cooling of the ‘itch’. > > The wife’s libido has _always_ been lower than mine, and with frequency, a rebuff would be left with feelings of resentment and crankyness. Over a number of years we came to an ‘understanding’ that greatly reduced the tension in our relationship. 50% of the time, I’d go rub one out and everybody would be happier for it, 25% of the time she’d 'take one for the team, and I would be happier for it, and the other 25% she’d have a helluva good time too. > > Now, I don’t even feel much like asking. (bah, words don’t convey the right meaning…) If I ask, it’s not because I really _want_ it, and if the answer is no, it doesn’t really bug me much. It’s more a feeling that if I didn’t get it, I wouldn’t miss it, and wouldn’t really be upset. > > We set aside some time this weekend and everything works :D, it’s just that my libido used to run at a 7 or 8 (on a 0-10 scale) and now it’s a 2 or 3. Did you happen to marry my ex-wife? I got rid of the frustration of mis-matched libidos by divorcing her after 20 aggravating years. Having to nearly beg for sex is just too damaging to one’s self esteem, and can eventually lead to looking for satisfaction outside the marriage (which is what happened to me). I feel no guilt for having done so and was relieved when the marriage was finally over. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/38 "2010-01-19T18:08:56Z")
This seems odd at 40. I’m considerably older than you, and I haven’t experienced this. It might be simply the differences between different people as they age, but it might be due to other things. Especially as it is of concern to you, I’d talk to my doctor. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/39 "2010-01-19T18:38:30Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Did you happen to marry my ex-wife? I got rid of the frustration of mis-matched libidos by divorcing her after 20 aggravating years. Having to nearly beg for sex is just too damaging to one’s self esteem, and can eventually lead to looking for satisfaction outside the marriage (which is what happened to me). I feel no guilt for having done so and was relieved when the marriage was finally over. Not at all. The wife and I are on pretty good terms about it. She’s had some pretty severe reproductive issues over the years, and some pretty severe back pain over the last 8 months or so. She’s also been pretty accommodating at trying to meet me in the middle. On the scale: good lookin 10 smart 10 great for my kids 10 best friend 10 understanding and supportive 10 time in the sack 5 It’d suck to throw everything away because I wasn’t getting as MUCH as I liked. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198/40 "2010-01-19T18:39:32Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > This seems odd at 40. I’m considerably older than you, and I haven’t experienced this. It might be simply the differences between different people as they age, but it might be due to other things. Especially as it is of concern to you, I’d talk to my doctor. That’s what I’m starting to think…I saw it with increased hairloss and a change in my vision prescription and just thought…huh…must be that time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-did-you-handle-your-drop-in-libido/525198.md?page=3)