# How do atheists get married? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 17, 2012, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099 "2012-04-17T23:59:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![gazpacho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6f9a4e/32.png) [@gazpacho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gazpacho)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/21 "2012-04-18T00:34:02Z")
In California pretty much anybody can be the officiant at a wedding. One wedding I went to had a family friend on the brides side perform the wedding. ---
**Author:** ![SDMBKL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sdmbkl/32/7297_2.png) [@SDMBKL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SDMBKL)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/22 "2012-04-18T00:36:33Z")
I find it quite interesting and yet ironic, but not surprising, that some atheists choose to get married in a church with a priest. Weddings are usually cultural and vary from culture to culture. In Western weddings, the bride would wear a white dress to symbolize purity and a white veil to symbolize the protection from evil, as I recall from a former Spanish textbook. Now, atheists who live in the West are probably influenced by Christianity in some way or another, even though they don’t follow it. So, even though that some atheists may believe that there is no god, they may follow their cultural norms of getting married in a church. _Perhaps_. Perhaps, some people may be atheists but readily identify with the Christian culture, because their family and friends are Christian: [Cultural Christians](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cultural_Christian). ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/23 "2012-04-18T00:39:26Z")
My atheist parents were married in a church because my Mum didn’t know there were other options. She would have done it differently if she had known she could. I think the same goes for several other family members who were married prior to the 80s. My atheist self got married in a park. The ceremony was performed by a celebrant and contained all the stuff about marriage that doesn’t refer to God. Two of my uncles and one of my cousins had similar weddings. Another uncle was married on the block of land where they later built their home (he says the spot is roughly where their toilet is now). My brother was married in the garden at his new in-law’s home. My friend was married in a marquee behind a reception centre. It’s not like marriage isn’t a big deal if you’re not religious - you’re still making a solemn vow to spend your life with one person. You’re just making that vow to each other, instead of to each other and God. Much like it doesn’t take the threat of eternal damnation to make your average atheist behave ethically, it isn’t necessary to make (most of) them take marriage seriously either. Incidentally, my atheist grandfather’s funeral was performed by an Anglican minister because he charged less than the non-religious celebrant. Ever practical, my family decided they could sit through the God stuff to save a couple of hundred bucks. I think Grandfather would have approved. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/24 "2012-04-18T00:43:58Z")
Unitarian Universalist ministers and churches are popular venues for atheist and agnostic weddings. Heck, about half of most UU congregations are atheist or agnostic. And a fair number of the UU ministers, too. ---
**Author:** ![Sundrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sundrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sundrop)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/25 "2012-04-18T00:47:05Z")
In the jail. We went to the magistrate, knocked on her door and requested a life sentence which she promptly gave to us in front of a couple of family members as witnesses. Easy-peasy. My b-i-l and his wife got married in a park with a full ceremony combining elements of both western and Chinese culture, but the officiant was humanist or some such and there was no religion involved. ---
**Author:** ![SDMBKL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sdmbkl/32/7297_2.png) [@SDMBKL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SDMBKL)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/26 "2012-04-18T00:54:37Z")
> [@Sundrop](#): > > In the jail. We went to the magistrate, knocked on her door and requested a life sentence which she promptly gave to us in front of a couple of family members as witnesses. Easy-peasy. > > My b-i-l and his wife got married in a park with a full ceremony combining elements of both western and Chinese culture, but the officiant was humanist or some such and there was no religion involved. I would assume you received Chinese red envelopes, correct? I am not sure if they are part of Chinese folk religion, but I am quite certain that they are a traditional ritual as much as the symbolic white wedding dress is a Western traditional ritual. ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/27 "2012-04-18T00:55:34Z")
My wife and I went to a court, signed a few documents, stood in front of some bloke (could have been a justice of the peace, or simply the judge who was on duty that day), solemnly swore some vow with our right hands up, picked up our license and left. ---
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/28 "2012-04-18T01:04:20Z")
By a sea captain, in a former Carnegie library that got turned into a ballet studio-cum-event space. We served cocktails before the ceremony. ---
**Author:** ![Sudden\_Kestrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Sudden\_Kestrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sudden_Kestrel)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/29 "2012-04-18T01:04:55Z")
I’m an atheist married to an agnostic, and we were married in my mother’s church by her minister using whatever the standard Methodist marrying protocol was at the time. It didn’t matter to us where we got married or by whom, but both of our mothers are religious, so we had a church wedding to please them and to give them and other church-going relatives what they considered the proper social ritual. If they believed our vows were made “before God,” it didn’t do us any harm for them to think so. ---
**Author:** ![Kiwi\_Fruit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kiwi_fruit/32/12_2.png) [@Kiwi\_Fruit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiwi_Fruit)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/30 "2012-04-18T01:13:54Z")
In our back garden by my oldest friend, officiating as a civil union celebrant. As far as places go, NZ law just requires you specify on the licence application where it will be held. There’s no real restrictions on place. The ceremony simply requires that you both state your desire to be married/civil unioned in front of two witnesses and officiated by the appropriate celebrant. We repeated the same vows we had for our commitment ceremony 3 years earlier, which were based on a non-religious wedding ceremony that we devised with the wedding celebrant. ---
**Author:** ![DadWagonDriver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/edb3f5/32.png) [@DadWagonDriver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DadWagonDriver)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/31 "2012-04-18T01:15:53Z")
> [@Sudden\_Kestrel](#): > > I’m an atheist married to an agnostic, and we were married in my mother’s church by her minister using whatever the standard Methodist marrying protocol was at the time. It didn’t matter to us where we got married or by whom, but both of our mothers are religious, so we had a church wedding to please them and to give them and other church-going relatives what they considered the proper social ritual. If they believed our vows were made “before God,” it didn’t do us any harm for them to think so. This is almost exactly the same as my wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/32 "2012-04-18T01:29:11Z")
My best friend and his bride got married in their back yard. The ceremony had many of the trappings of a Christian wedding (gown, tuxedo, general layout, reception), but it was officiated by a justice of the peace (or whatever the equivalent is in Canada) who said some lovely things about devotion to one another without mentioning any god. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/33 "2012-04-18T01:43:27Z")
We got married in a beautiful civic building followed by a traditional reception. It was a Wedding commissioner who married us and the ceremony took about 30 minutes - we had a reading by my brother (Non-religious) etc, it was very nice. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/34 "2012-04-18T01:58:25Z")
On a cliffside overlooking Lake Tahoe. The ceremony was done by someone who got ordained on the Internet, and we wrote our entire ceremony. No mention of God at all. I have since gotten Internet-ordained as well, and have performed two secular ceremonies for good friends. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/35 "2012-04-18T01:58:33Z")
Good friends of mine, who were both atheists, were married by a judge, in a civil ceremony. The ceremony was in the groom’s parents’ backyard; there were probably 60-70 guests. I don’t think that the ceremony lasted longer than 10 minutes (and probably less; it was 29 years ago, so my memory of it isn’t perfect). I believe that they had to pay a bit extra to get the judge to come out to the house for the ceremony. (This was in Wisconsin, btw.) ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/36 "2012-04-18T01:59:59Z")
You know in many European countries, legal marriage takes place in the local community office and if you also want a religious ceremony, you are on your own. A Swiss I knew was incredulous that ministers and the like are allowed to perform marriages here. Of my three children, the first one married in a country club in California, a UU minister presiding. The second one was married in the Heinz chapel in Pittsburgh (which is wife, from Pittsburgh had always dreamed of getting married in) by a college friend of both who by then was ordained. And the third was married in a restaurant that they had reserved for the afternoon by a representative of the Humanist Society. ---
**Author:** ![SDMBKL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sdmbkl/32/7297_2.png) [@SDMBKL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SDMBKL)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/37 "2012-04-18T02:18:50Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Civil service, justice of the peace, in his office. How does anybody not know this? Because not everyone is married? You’re talking to an undergrad college kid, who at the spur of the moment, wonders about a very personal question that he or she has no clue about: marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/38 "2012-04-18T02:26:41Z")
In a park, by a civil celebrant. He had a few sample wordings you could use or you could write your own. We did a bit of both. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/39 "2012-04-18T02:33:09Z")
Legally at the courthouse by a nice woman in a white polo shirt and green sweatpants with two friends from my grad program as witnesses. Then socially the next day in an aunt’s big backyard with all of the friends and family and an older friend ‘officiating’ with our own ‘vows’ and some ritual surprises courtesy of the wedding party and a keg of homebrew from the new bro-in-law. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/40 "2012-04-18T02:41:39Z")
> [@SDMBKL](#): > > Since this question may involve multiple answers from across the globe, I am going to place it in the IMHO section. > > How do atheists from around the world get married? I mean, I know there are a lot of atheists out there, and I bet some of them want to start a family and procreate legitimate children, so how do they get married? > > I apologize if the question sounds a bit stupid or rude, but it has never really occurred to me that atheists would get married with some sort of traditional ritual. I think they would get a marriage license and seal the deal. Maybe host a formal wedding party, and that’s it. Or, if they have family who _are_ religious, then they may host a religious ceremony despite that both the groom and the bride are atheists. Then again, wouldn’t the couple’s atheism be considered heretical against their parents’ and relatives’ religion? We had a beautiful wedding with a licensed officiant. It was moving and spiritual nd full of ritual. We said vows and exchanged rings. We were witnessed by loving friends and family. We just didn’t say “G-d”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099.md?page=3)