# How do atheists get married? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 17, 2012, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099 "2012-04-17T23:59:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2012, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/141 "2012-04-20T21:18:42Z")
> [@dngnb8](#): > > IF indeed, my info is accurate, and Marriage is a term defined by Church All you need to do is look in one state’s code of statutory laws to see that it is the state that defines marriage. Ergo, your info is not accurate. ---
**Author:** ![dngnb8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@dngnb8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dngnb8)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2012, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/142 "2012-04-20T21:23:00Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > All you need to do is look in one state’s code of statutory laws to see that it is the state that defines marriage. Ergo, your info is not accurate. Way to ignore the content of the post. Responses like this make me chuckle ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2012, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/143 "2012-04-20T22:01:49Z")
> [@dngnb8](#): > > Way to ignore the content of the post. Responses like this make me chuckle If the actual basis of your argument is wrong, then the rest of your post is superfluous. ---
**Author:** ![dngnb8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@dngnb8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dngnb8)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2012, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/144 "2012-04-20T22:03:53Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > If the actual basis of your argument is wrong, then the rest of your post is superfluous. Youre staying because it is in the law today, that yesterday means nothing. I disagree. The basis of your argument is wrong. Thus, the rest you say is superfluous. Hey, i like this. I think I will use your debate technique more. LOL ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2012, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/145 "2012-04-20T22:08:55Z")
> [@dngnb8](#): > > Youre staying because it is in the law today, that yesterday means nothing. I’m waiting for you to break out the word “admiralty.” ---
**Author:** ![dngnb8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@dngnb8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dngnb8)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2012, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/146 "2012-04-20T22:25:48Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > I’m waiting for you to break out the word “admiralty.” Im waiting for you to enter the discussion with something other then obtuse statements ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2012, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/147 "2012-04-20T22:46:18Z")
> [@Cliffy](#): > > Exactly wrong. \*\* Many states allow same sex couples to form civil unions. \*\* These are insufficient. The word means something, and people don’t want to be civilly unionized. We want to be _married_. By simply changing the name of civil marriage to something else, you claim you’re solving the problem, when actually you’re making it worse by ensuring that queers, as well as those of us who aren’t connected to a religious institution, can never partake in marriage, which is a civil institution. (My bolding). They do? ‘Many’ states, and actual civil unions that confer the same rights as marriage? I understand the arguments against ‘separate but equal,’ but several of my friends have really benefited from the UK civil partnership laws which really _are_ equal in all but name. And I’m gay, btw; if I had a partner from another country I’d rather have been able to let them live with me in this country under civil partnerships than wait an extra ten years for the sake of a word. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2012, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/148 "2012-04-20T23:16:45Z")
> [@black\_rabbit](#): > > By a sea captain, in a former Carnegie library that got turned into a ballet studio-cum-event space. We served cocktails before the ceremony. You I like. For me, very quickly and in Vegas. If there’s a next time, it’ll probably be something quick and dirty outside, at city hall, or something else non-churchy. Something really small, no more than 20 people, we’ll make it official, then perhaps the next day comes the giant celebration bash with the open bar and DJ. I stole the idea of having a small hassle-free wedding that is entirely separate from the shit show of planning a party from a friend. Figured that was a good idea as it takes a lot of the stress off your wedding. My wedding was as stress-free as humanly possible, and I like it that way. Total planning time took something like 3 days, and I didn’t do any of it. Yup, the man did everything. Go me! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2012, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/149 "2012-04-20T23:28:12Z")
> [@dngnb8](#): > > Thus, for the US to avoid this, they should change “Marriage” into “Civil Union”. Leave marriage up to the Church. Actually, this would make everything worse. You’d have the conservatives up in arms that gays really HAVE destroyed marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2012, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/150 "2012-04-20T23:34:20Z")
The number of straight people who don’t want to surrender their marriages to the church is going to be a far stronger constituency than you seem to expect. Marriage has been established as a civil matter lang before the United States was founded. This idea of surrendering the word to the religious right is not going to fly. ---
**Author:** ![Sudden\_Kestrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Sudden\_Kestrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sudden_Kestrel)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2012, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/151 "2012-04-21T01:04:12Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > And I’m gay, btw; if I had a partner from another country I’d rather have been able to let them live with me in this country under civil partnerships than wait an extra ten years for the sake of a word. I can’t speak to **Cliffy** ’s experience, but here in Minnesota there are several (a dozen or so) municipalities that recognize civil unions or “domestic partnerships,” but the rights afforded by that recognition fall far short of those conferred upon married couples. [Cite.](http://www.outfront.org/library/marriage/dpregistry) These benefits are usually limited to “registering their commitment” with government agencies for the purposes of benefits of employment, so there is not even a pretense of equality, separate or otherwise. And now, back to your\* regularly scheduled bickering over religious versus civil law. \*general “you,” not directed at **SciFiSam**. ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2012, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/152 "2012-04-22T01:05:51Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > I understand the arguments against ‘separate but equal,’ but several of my friends have really benefited from the UK civil partnership laws which really _are_ equal in all but name. “Many” was imprecise. Plus, a number of those that did have since converted to recognition of actual marriage. But obviously recognized civil unions with legal rights are better than nothing. No one’s suggesting they aren’t. But one person on this thread purports that a civil union that’s marriage in all but name is equivalent to marriage. And that is false. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2012, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/153 "2012-04-22T17:48:37Z")
My husband and I (both atheists) got married in our synagogue. ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2012, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/154 "2012-04-22T23:05:23Z")
> [@Cliffy](#): > > “Many” was imprecise. Plus, a number of those that did have since converted to recognition of actual marriage. > > But obviously recognized civil unions with legal rights are better than nothing. No one’s suggesting they aren’t. But one person on this thread purports that a civil union that’s marriage in all but name is equivalent to marriage. And that is false. > > –Cliffy I may be dumb but what is the fundamental difference between marriage and civil union? From a legal view are they the same? ---
**Author:** ![SDMBKL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sdmbkl/32/7297_2.png) [@SDMBKL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SDMBKL)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/155 "2012-04-23T00:00:34Z")
> [@sisu](#): > > I may be dumb but what is the fundamental difference between marriage and civil union? > > From a legal view are they the same? [Civil union](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_union) [Marriage](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/156 "2012-04-23T00:57:04Z")
> [@Cliffy](#): > > “Many” was imprecise. Plus, a number of those that did have since converted to recognition of actual marriage. > > But obviously recognized civil unions with legal rights are better than nothing. No one’s suggesting they aren’t. But one person on this thread purports that a civil union that’s marriage in all but name is equivalent to marriage. And that is false. > > –Cliffy So if it’s all but equal to marriage but name, why not just call it marriage? ---
**Author:** ![SDMBKL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sdmbkl/32/7297_2.png) [@SDMBKL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SDMBKL)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/157 "2012-04-23T02:39:19Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > So if it’s all but equal to marriage but name, why not just call it marriage? If panther’s all but equal to mountain lion but name, why not just call it mountain lion? I bet some people already do. 😉 It’s a matter of preference. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/158 "2012-04-23T02:50:32Z")
I always wish we’d gotten married 150 feet underground, on a heart shaped ‘marriage rock’, in Howe Caverns in Upstate NY. We’d never been much for churchgoing, I stopped when I started high school. So I was indifferent as to whether we got married in a church, Howe Caverns, or by an Elvis impersonator in Vegas. Mundanely, we got married by a JP on a Saturday morning in her home with my mother in law and my best friend from high school who lived nearby (I had called her on impulse after not communicating for over 15 years and she was so surprised she naturally said, “I’m so there!”). It was a short ceremony by a very nice woman, in her dining room with a hundred decorative plates on the wall and her two dogs in quiet attendance. Then we went to the nearest Denny’s and had coffee and sausage gravy over biscuits and coffee, and that was my wedding. We wore our best work outfits, I had a honkin’ big ring, but I forget if I had any flowers. I should have had flowers. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/159 "2012-04-23T03:22:45Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > I understand the arguments against ‘separate but equal,’ but several of my friends have really benefited from the UK civil partnership laws which really _are_ equal in all but name. Yes, but in the UK, the civil marriage is defined by the national government, applies uniformly across the country, and has been made equal to marriage. In the US, civil unions are defined by some states, and not recognised as marriages by the federal government, so they aren’t even “separate but equal.” Separate, yes, but not equal. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2012, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099/160 "2012-04-23T04:35:02Z")
> [@SDMBKL](#): > > Yes, I have watched movies and TV programs that feature weddings, even though I quickly assume that the weddings are Western-styled or Christian-styled. A wedding in Africa or the Muslim Middle East or Hindu wedding or Chinese wedding would probably not wear white or have a priest conduct the ceremony. I assume that there are atheists around the world, so why should I conclude that atheists only follow a traditional “Western” wedding unless atheists are concentrated in the West? I assume that the Western wedding is latently a Christian wedding, and therefore I tend to also assume that the bride and groom are both Christian (or Jewish, since Jews wear white too in their weddings). Because of all this, I sometimes wonder if it is possible for atheists to marry without the Christian references. I remember I have read my former Spanish textbook about Latino culture, and it appears that Latino culture is very similar to mine, American culture. The textbook specifically states what the veil and the dress symbolize, and it felt very similar to Christianity (after all, Latin America is mostly influenced by Spain and Portugal, which were both very Catholic once upon a time), so I have always thought that Christians celebrate with a Christian wedding while Atheists would probably celebrate with an Atheist wedding. I find it quite fascinating that atheists can actually borrow what I perceive to be remnants of a Christian marriage into their own sort of culture – a secular culture. Perhaps, although one can remove oneself from belief in a god, one may find difficulty in removing oneself from one’s own culture, especially if that culture has deep roots in religion. Your OP pretty much pissed me off - not for what it asked, which if you grew up in a WASP based culture is perfectly ok. Rather for what it assumed. Its phrased totally within a Judeo-Christian framework. There are far more traditions, customs and cultures around the world than getting married in front of the Christian job, some will be based on “religion” (which you didn’t take the slightest effort to define), others more on custom and community standards and having little to do with religion. Your question smacks of a very narrow and one dimensional view of the world that demonstrates the very worst of small town, religious knowledge and upbringing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-atheists-get-married/619099.md?page=9)