# How do gay people have sex? (TMI friendly)
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [February 13, 2006, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317 "2006-02-13T19:19:52Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2006, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/1 "2006-02-13T19:19:52Z")
Having now found myself bored enough to finally research the question of what an uncircumcised penis looks like,\* I’ve decided to proceed on with my other low-priority sex-ed question.
First, Male \<-\> Male, anal penetration:
1. Penatratee on knees, reach around from Penetrator.
Pros:
- Everyone is getting some action
Cons:
- Cold belly for lower person (?)
- Akward positioning for upper person to hold (?)
1. Penetratee lies on belly, Penetrator lies on him.
Pros:
- No cold belly
- Comfortable position
Cons:
- Penetratee isn’t getting it as good
1. Penatratee lies on back, Penetrator kneels over using hands to masturbate Penetratee
Pros:
- Everyone is getting some action
- More comfortable position for Penetrator than #1
Cons:
- One cold belly, one cold torso
1. ???
Of course cold belly syndrome can be solved through the thermostat and simple “not really an issue when going at it.” So what is the default position?
And of course, according to the excerpt from the recent George Takei interview, he was saying that anal sex was “something young people do.” So, I’m having to guess that a sizeable percentage of male \<-\> male sex is mutual masterbation (?) But then what, sitting side by side or facing each other seems a bit distant.
And of course, if engaging in regular anal sex; regular enemas? Or is it more of a “do now, take a shower immediately after” type thing?
Female \<-\> Female:
Here things seem to be easier to coordinate than with guys (as I visualise it) since we don’t have “the dude” to work around. So here it’s less a question of position and more of technique. Is it mostly toys (vibrators vs. double headed dildos)? Lots of hand rubbing? 69/tongue action? If double headed dildos then laying down, heads facing different directions or more sitting up, toying with each others breasts and such? Etc.
Essentially the bit that keeps me wondering isn’t “how” people please each other sexually (not hard to figure out), just more of a, day-to-day, what default position/technique is the most practical in terms of comfort level for both parties without getting into yoga-esque shapes while still providing mutual gratification. Meat and peas, tried and proven. Of course, that is assuming a norm of “mutual gratification” which may or may not be accurate.
Please note that the rule on the board is “Explicit, technical information: OK. Erotic fantasies: Not OK.”
- If you pretend that the skin about the shaft continued on up a good inch past the mushroom head, then this is what was removed. Hard though, it appears to be pulled down as part of the shaft and didn’t appear any different. (No, I googled for images thank you.)
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### Author:  [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2006, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/2 "2006-02-13T19:55:31Z")
Guys have mouths too, dude.
I’m sure there have been how-do-gay-people-do-it threads before, but I’ll leave it to others to find them.
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### Author:  [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2006, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/3 "2006-02-13T20:07:18Z")
Certainly. My OP wasn’t intended to be an exhaustive list of every combination I could think of, just a demonstration of how out of the loop I may or may not be.
But indeed, I didn’t do a search. I know I haven’t seen any such thread in the two years I’ve been here, though, so I don’t see any harm in a new thread.
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### Author:  [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2006, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/4 "2006-02-13T20:10:16Z")
This _is_ the internet, you know.
I’m sure you’ll be able to find some… resources… that will answer your question. Fully, and in depth. 😉
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### Author:  [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2006, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/5 "2006-02-13T20:20:47Z")
Inset Tab Hunter, A, into Rock Hudson, B.
_d&r_
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### Author:  [@Tevildo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tevildo)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2006, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/6 "2006-02-13T22:36:04Z")
As with all such questions, the answer is “Whatever the two of you like best” - there isn’t really a “default position” that will work for everybody. I’ll second the view that anal sex is by no means the only method two men can give each other pleasure; a session of mutual hugging, kissing, stroking, oral and manual stimulation of sensitive areas, finishing up with mutual- or self-masturbation to orgasm can often be far more enjoyable than simple Tab A - Slot B sex. And let’s not forget the use of dildos if one (or both) of you like anal stimulation, but aren’t in the mood for gymnastics. 🙂
That being said, one position I would add to your list of “non-athletic” options is for both of you to be standing, penetrator behind penetree, penetree leans forward to support himself against wall, chair, sofa, etc. (a good position for sex in the shower, incidentally.) Easy control of alignment and penetration depth, reach-arounds very easy, not at all demanding on the hands and knees. Also, if one partner is lying down, it makes things a lot easier if his partner is the lighter/more athletic of the two.
On the personal hygene issue, it really depends how fastidious you are. Normally, there isn’t very much in the way of - um - fecal matter - to be dealt with, and having tissues available is generally adequate. Enemas - in my experience, at least - are more for the professionals, where visuals are important. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2006, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/7 "2006-02-13T23:54:47Z")
> [@JohnT](#):
>
> This _is_ the internet, you know.
>
> I’m sure you’ll be able to find some… resources… that will answer your question. Fully, and in depth. 😉
That’ll just answer how people have sex in porn, gay fantasies, etc.
Thank you, however, **Tevildo**. I’m not sure how this information will ever come of use, but then I don’t drink yet always ask people about their liquor so…
However, I’m thinking we’re still only at shallow penetration on this topic. (Heh) Any other takers?
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### Author:  [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2006, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/8 "2006-02-13T23:55:53Z")
> [@JohnT](#):
>
> This _is_ the internet, you know.
>
> I’m sure you’ll be able to find some… resources… that will answer your question. Fully, and in depth. 😉
And, as we all well know, pictures of sex you find on the internet are a realistic depiction of how sex actually happens for most people.
What?
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### Author:  [@Tevildo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tevildo)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2006, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/9 "2006-02-14T00:25:38Z")
> [@Metacom](#):
>
> And, as we all well know, pictures of sex you find on the internet are [del]a realistic depiction of[/del] how sex actually happens for most people.
That’s better. 😃
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### Author:  [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2006, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/10 "2006-02-14T00:34:13Z")
_laughs_
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### Author:  [@toadspittle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toadspittle)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2006, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/11 "2006-02-14T00:47:30Z")
> [@Sage Rat](#):
>
> - Cold belly for lower person (?)
>
> …
>
> - No cold belly
>
> …
>
> - One cold belly, one cold torso
> Of course cold belly syndrome can be solved through the thermostat and simple "not really an issue when going at it.
IME (hetero sex), cold bellies are not top of the roster when considering positions. Besides, that’s usually solved by blankets, or enough vigorous activity to raise your body temperature. I don’t imagine it would be much different for gay folks.
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### Author:  [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2006, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/12 "2006-02-14T01:07:20Z")
In my (limitted) experience, maintaining a blanket for doggy style doesn’t seem particularly feasible. Certainly my uppermost thought wasn’t “damn my ass is cold!” but I was definitely thinking that I would much rather be cuddled than sitting there on my knees. Fun to try, but not real practical for day-to-day grunt sessions.
True it might just be a lack of practice talking.
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### Author:  [@TwistyLamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistyLamp)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2006, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/13 "2006-02-14T01:47:29Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Is it mostly toys (vibrators vs. double headed dildos)? Lots of hand rubbing? 69/tongue action? If double headed dildos then laying down, heads facing different directions or more sitting up, toying with each others breasts and such? Etc
You’ve never heard that old joke?..What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails? SINGLE!!!
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### Author:  [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2006, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/14 "2006-02-14T02:34:57Z")
Oral-Anal variations abound among hetros and homos. Among gay men I believe it’s called “rimming”, but that may refer to it globally.
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### Author:  [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2006, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/15 "2006-02-14T03:14:37Z")
Oddly enough…er…I had this same question come to mind recently.
I didn’t have the guts to ask here, so I just googled “gay sex”. Plenty of visual aids later, I had it figured out 🙂
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### Author:  [@urban1a](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/urban1a)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2006, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/16 "2006-02-14T03:42:28Z")
Actually, as an exclusive penetratee, I get what I want from the ‘on stomach position’. Other positions can be used for other things. Hugging and cuddling, for instance.
Bob
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### Author:  [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2006, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/17 "2006-02-14T03:49:49Z")
Is that (physically) fulfilling for you, or do you do it more to give him pleasure and you personally are just fine with cuddlying, handling, and such?
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### Author:  [@urban1a](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/urban1a)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2006, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/18 "2006-02-14T03:57:33Z")
> [@Sage Rat](#):
>
> Is that (physically) fulfilling for you, or do you do it more to give him pleasure and you personally are just fine with cuddlying, handling, and such?
It’s a very comfortable position for me and it’s easy for him. Reacharound is not required at this point. Than and other things can be done at other times.
I do do oral, also. Love it, in fact.
Bob
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### Author:  [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2006, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/19 "2006-02-14T07:00:54Z")
This is a hetro-male reply:
I’ve had lots of sex in many different positions and never once did “cold belly” factor in what we were doing. I’ve had sex in the woods on cold spring nights and after we got going the cold wasn’t even an issue (after perhaps).
I’m not having sex with men but I figure if I were it would be about how I have sex with women - Mix it up. There are LOTS of different ways to please each other and only so much time in the night. Not every position has to do with mutual pleasure. Sometimes it’s fun to just get the partner off.
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2006, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-gay-people-have-sex-tmi-friendly/344317/20 "2006-02-14T08:24:21Z")
> [@urban1z](#):
>
> I do do oral, also. Love it, in fact.
>
> Bob
Have we met?
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