# How do I ask a girl out? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 26, 2000, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-ask-a-girl-out/38362 "2000-10-26T03:03:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![monkeylucifer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@monkeylucifer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monkeylucifer)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-ask-a-girl-out/38362/21 "2000-10-26T16:05:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by stuyguy \* > \*\*I’m of the school of thought that you absolutely, positively need to ask her out on nothing short of a D-A-T-E. No wishy-washy half measures that can be misinterpretted by you (and her) down the line. > > If she’s attracted to you in “that way,” she’s going to say yes; if not, she’s going to say no. But, if she consents to a not-quite date, you still won’t know if she likes you or she _likes_ you.\*\* I disagree with ya stuyguy. I’m going on a date this weekend with a girl I just started seeing, and we started out with a non-date. I feel that this is the absolute **BEST** way to get to know the person without putting any undue pressure on either party. Hell, know that I think about it, most of my relationships have evolved from the primordial _non-date-group-activity_. If you are interested and if they reciprocate you’ll figure it out soon enough…one way or another. My only major piece of advice, and this might sound a little bit like stupid guy talk, but if you do the non-date group thing, DO NOT invite any of your single guy friends who out class you in the looks & charm department. This is a recipie for disaster and you could end up with egg on your face and a friend with a new gal-pal. Just my $0.02 ---
**Author:** ![Sunglasses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5fc32e/32.png) [@Sunglasses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunglasses)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-ask-a-girl-out/38362/22 "2000-10-26T16:44:54Z")
Maybe it’s my age but, I think you are all putting WAY too much thought into this. I think your answer is in the OP. I think any woman would be thrilled if a man said to her, “I think you are nice, sweet and pretty and I’d love to invite you for . . . (coffee, pizza, movie)”. I know I’d be completely flattered. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-ask-a-girl-out/38362/23 "2000-10-26T17:01:46Z")
When you ask, be calm and confident. Even if they aren’t interested or available, **women like to be asked out**. It’s a compliment, as long as you’re nice and non-smarmy. Don’t worry about the rejection. Most of the time, it’s not about you, it’s about her. Assume that’s the case, and don’t take it personally. As someone else mentioned already, you need to think in terms of statistics. Ask out lots of people you find attractive and/or interesting, and you’ll end up dating lots of people. The more people you date, the better your chances of finding someone really good for you. As for the specifics, I’ve always favored just saying “hey, I was wondering if you’d like to go out sometime” to see if they’re interested, and then having a few specific date ideas ready in case they are. I find it more direct – if you ask her to a movie on Saturday and she says she has plans already, it’s not always clear if that means she’s not interested, or just busy. ---
**Author:** ![annalamerino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b3f665/32.png) [@annalamerino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/annalamerino)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-ask-a-girl-out/38362/24 "2000-10-26T17:15:18Z")
Simple and direct works best. And yes, you may not get a yes, so accept that going in. The trick is to be both specific and flexible. “I’d like to go out with you some time. Say to one of the movies opening this weekend?” ---
**Author:** ![Aglarond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@Aglarond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aglarond)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-ask-a-girl-out/38362/25 "2000-10-26T17:35:13Z")
I have an incredibly hard time asking a girl out for the first time. I don’t know why, but I do. The best way I’ve found to do it is to not plan anything. If you’re going to be around her, just be you, and if the moment pops up, take advantage of it. If something else pops up, hide in the corner for a few minutes. Sorry about that. Anyway, I’ve found that if I go in with a plan, I’ll screw it up, so I just kind of wing it, now. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Turpentine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecd19e/32.png) [@Turpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turpentine)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-ask-a-girl-out/38362/26 "2000-10-26T20:39:25Z")
I have to quote a friend of mine here: “I was talking to that girl i told you about…and to make a short story shorter, I asked for her phone number and she declined. Politely, but declined nonetheless. The funny thing is, I didn’t feel bad about it at all. No, I somehow came to enjoy the slight nausea of rejection and the faint dizziness after the comedown of the “Getting the Nerve to Talk to Her” high. My point being, the FEAR of rejection is 1,000,000 times worse than the rejection itself.” Yeah, so i took his advice and finally mustered the nerve to ask HIM out…and I found that he was right. It didn’t matter that he politely declined, I felt a really wonderful rush from getting the nerve to tell him at all. Not that i fully expect you to get turned down or anything… But fear not- it’s not all that bad… Breakups, on the other hand… ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2000, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-ask-a-girl-out/38362/27 "2000-10-27T14:55:06Z")
There is this woman I like & she comes into the store I work a lot. She is probably around 40 something. So I asked her if she was born in the 50s & she said the tens. I said, ‘I really like 80 year old women!’ & she blushed as only a woman who has been complimented perfectly could. ---
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2000, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-ask-a-girl-out/38362/28 "2000-10-28T21:45:24Z")
I met my GF when she was still married… we had a drunken makeout session at a Hasil Adkins show, and then avoided each other for months, which was hard, because we work at the same place. Eventually, she got divorced, and I ran into her at a mutual friend’s birthday party (at a crappy bar, of course). Full of hot love and about 15 beers, my pickup line was: “Wanna go smoke some pot?” “No,” she said, “but here’s my number.” “Cool.” We went out the next Saturday night; she made me bacon & eggs Sunday morning, and I fell in love. Even though she _does_ like the Police. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-ask-a-girl-out/38362.md?page=1)