# How do I choose a porno for the Afghani woman across the street? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 22, 2002, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028 "2002-08-22T03:26:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![zen101](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c68b51/32.png) [@zen101](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zen101)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/41 "2002-08-24T12:05:44Z")
The “Butt Slammers” series is nice or you can go with a classic like “Dirty Debutantes”. Both series are well into double digits, so you know they are all about quality. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/42 "2002-08-24T17:17:18Z")
She needs to walk before she runs. Start her off with something from the 70s (the golden age of porn, something shot on film). OUTLAW LADIES BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR EMMANUELLE: THE JOYS OF A WOMAN INSATIABLE From there, it’s an easy slide into something more recent or specialized. But we don’t want to traumatize the lady with her first exposure to one of the West’s most cherished freedoms. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/43 "2002-08-24T19:26:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JRDelirious \* > \*\*Since it is a moderated group, you may get some actual answers from people who are up to date on the industry trends, and know what “safer” labels, series or producers are in current video shelves. \*\* Again, I am _not_ lookin gfor labels, series, or producers, as the selection I will be looking at is so tiny that it is guaranteed not to have anything that is suggested. Mostly this thread was started to show how odd the situation that I was in was. Not to actually get advice. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/44 "2002-08-24T19:28:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DocCathode \* > **It just occured to me that Moslem men are circumcised. Odds are, your neighbor has never seen an uncut penis.** Neither have I, up close and in person. The ones I’ve seen pictures of were icky. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/45 "2002-08-24T19:29:25Z")
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I. Am. Not. Looking. For. Suggestions. rinse. repeat. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/46 "2002-08-25T04:48:47Z")
**Opal** , my advice would be to pick a well made, **Hollywood** film that was rather explicit in regards to nudity and sex, at the same time hand her a porno as well. Explain to her that the first film isn’t a porno, but that it’s pretty close and that she should watch it first, if she’s not upset by it, then she should watch the porno. Women from fundamental Islamic countries aren’t necessarily as sheltered as we’re led to believe. ([CNN.com](http://CNN.com) had a piece about the rampant prostitution in Iran not too long ago.) I also met a guy who worked for the State Department and he said that you could always tell on the flights back to the States when the Saudi women weren’t travelling with their husbands. The moment they could unbuckle their seatbelts, they were all beating a path to the bathrooms at the rear of the plane. When they came out, they’d shed their burqa’s and were all dressed in provocative Western clothing. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/47 "2002-08-25T05:38:59Z")
That’s a good idea Tucker! What Hollywood films would be good? (there will be a normal selection of _those_) ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/48 "2002-08-25T05:54:06Z")
To be honest, I don’t really know. I don’t pay too much attention to nudity in movies. The only films I have that feature a lot of nudity, have subject matter that she might find disturbing. (Though, not necessarily. I remember sitting in stunned amazement as a Vietnamese woman laughed hysterically at the village burning sequence in _Platoon_. She really thought it was funny.) You could try _Boogie Nights_, _Crimes of Passion_ (if you can find it), _Henry and June_ (though this does feature Uma Thurman in a lesbian sequence [insert obligatory Homer Simpson drooling noises here]), and those are the only ones I can think of. I’m sure some of our other Dopers will be able to help you with a list of good possibilities. ---
**Author:** ![IrishChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/45deac/32.png) [@IrishChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IrishChick)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/49 "2002-08-25T07:27:44Z")
Dutch Masters. Classic 80s porn with a bit of plot. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/50 "2002-08-25T15:49:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OpalCat \* > What Hollywood films would be good? (there will be a normal selection of _those_) _The Unbearable Lightness of Being_. 🙂 I don’t know how your library system compares to Southern Maryland’s, but you might check their catalog. I can get _Unbearable Lightness_ through my library, and the library’s free, unlike the video rental store. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/47e85d/32.png) [@Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Lance_Murdoch)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2002, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/51 "2002-08-26T01:39:43Z")
I once saw a moslem couple in the video store. She was all decked out in a full chador (the familiar head-to-toe covering). Her (I assume) husband went into the porn room while she patiently waited for him. Couldn’t help but think of that while reading this. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2002, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/52 "2002-08-26T03:44:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by loupdebois \* > \*\*Honestly? Pick the absolute tamest thing you can find. Playboy is good for that… a couple of nude women taking a bubble bath together is probably enough for a first-time experience. Make sure to tell her where you got it, and that she should look at the selection herself next time if she wants to find what’s to her… tastes exactly. \*\* I’ve never seen a porn movie (well, not a hardcore one, anyway) before, but were someone to pick out something like that for me, I’d be upset. If I wanted to see porn, I’d want to see something with a man and a woman, not a couple of chicks in a bathtub- there’s nothing very erotic about that if you’re a straight woman, which I take the married neighbor to be. Besides, she was looking for movies with sex in them. ---
**Author:** ![Tenebras](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/977dab/32.png) [@Tenebras](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenebras)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2002, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/53 "2002-08-26T05:43:27Z")
And just a note, even if your video store only has ~150 porn titles (yowza! that seems like well into the “many” category to me, especially on DVD), if it is also a video store it should have _Unbearable Lightness of Being_ on video, since it’s something of a classic. **However** , this title is not porn. Get her something with penes and vaginae and a slightly overweight star saying “Go ahead, baby, suck my cack!” ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2002, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/54 "2002-08-26T13:23:43Z")
The idea of Unbearable Lightness of Being is ok except it’s not on DVD yet so that’s a no go if all they have is a DVD. Dangerous Liaisons might be a good movie as well but there is not as much sex. How about Wild Orchid though I don’t know if that’s on DVD or not. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2002, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/55 "2002-08-26T16:08:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tenebras \* > \*\* Get her something with penes and vaginae and a slightly overweight star saying “Go ahead, baby, suck my cack!” \*\* Suck my cack? Goodness. I don’t think she’s ready for scat films 🙂 . ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2002, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/56 "2002-08-26T22:51:20Z")
You want a Hollywood (or at least mainstream English) movie with a long boot-knockin’ scene in it? Get _The Tall Guy_ and forward to about 45 minutes into it. Jeff Goldblum and Emma Thompson get it on for quite a while. It’s actually my favorite movie sex scene, because it’s _fun._ Lots of skin, jumping around, etc. – and, of course, no genitalia. On the other hand, if you want the typical soft-focus slow-mo nudity, get anything by Zalman King. Try a _Red Shoe Diary._ Doesn’t matter which; they’re all pretty much the same. ---
**Author:** ![medstar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f07891/32.png) [@medstar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/medstar)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2002, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/57 "2002-08-26T23:38:21Z")
Tuckerfan, I was under the impression that Saudi women could not travel without their husbands. Is this true? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2002, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/58 "2002-08-27T05:10:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by medstar \* > \*\*Tuckerfan, I was under the impression that Saudi women could not travel without their husbands. Is this true? \*\* I dunno. I think that they can’t travel unchaperoned, but the chaperone doesn’t necessarily have to be their husband. I do know for certain that the guy did work for the State Department overseas, and so it’s quite possible he was telling the truth. ---
**Author:** ![Omnipresent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8c91f0/32.png) [@Omnipresent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omnipresent)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2002, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/59 "2002-08-27T15:31:42Z")
I’m with Stuyguy, I say go over there and drop your pants to your ankles and say, “Ok, what are we gonna do about this?”. ---
**Author:** ![Sputnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Sputnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sputnik)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2002, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028/60 "2002-08-27T17:43:59Z")
**OpalCat** , I suspect that your neighbor is worried that her husband may be experiencing the myriad opportunities available in this land of milk and honeys, and that she feels the need to compete. [wet blanket] While you are delivering the goods, a subtle lesson in STD prevention may be in order. [/wet blanket] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-choose-a-porno-for-the-afghani-woman-across-the-street/125028.md?page=4)