# How do I find out if she's a gold digger? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 8, 2005, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770 "2005-12-08T22:33:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grossbottom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba8739/32.png) [@Grossbottom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grossbottom)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/1 "2005-12-08T22:33:01Z")
I’ve met a very cute young lady, who seems to like me. I’ve known her awhile, but only recently have we been spending actual time together. I get none of my usual ‘she’s a grasping materialistic whore’ spider sense vibes from her at all, and I usually have a pretty good feel for it. Whenever I’ve offered to pay more than might be entirely seemly she’s been very scrupulous in refusing. And yet, I’ve heard from several female friends in the past that this girl is shopping for a meal ticket, big time. To be fair, her last boyfriend of several years did come from a fairly wealthy family. So my question is: what tricks or techniques have you used to flush out gold diggers in the past with any success? Male or female, I’d like to hear stories and tips if people have any. (She was born and raised in London, now living in the States, if the background has any impact on it. Could the culture differences be masking my detection abilities?) ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/2 "2005-12-08T23:00:59Z")
What is the background and culture of this girl and yourself? I inquire because it’s a relatively odd question to ask in modern US dating context as a young person unless you’re as wealthy as Scrooge McDuck or make a practice of dating impoverished skanks. ---
**Author:** ![ZebraShaSha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/eada6e/32.png) [@ZebraShaSha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZebraShaSha)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/3 "2005-12-08T23:24:09Z")
Tell Blanche that you bluffed, and really only have a third of your estate. However, since you are so in love, it does not really matter. Then I suppose go feed your evil wife upstairs a bucket of fisheads, or something. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/4 "2005-12-08T23:35:11Z")
Go Dutch. On everything. For a year. Including vacations. That’ll flush out a gold-digger. (Sorry, my ability. To write. Complete sentences. Is broken.) ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/5 "2005-12-08T23:51:48Z")
Give all of your money to me… if she still loves you after that then it’s definitely “for you as a person”. ---
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/6 "2005-12-08T23:56:50Z")
Just remember, if you lie to her to find out if she is a gold-digger, and it turns out she isn’t, then you are still a liar. Just stay with her a while, don’t buy her gifts that she couldn’t afford to buy you, and get to know her. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/7 "2005-12-09T00:16:27Z")
Is she capable of supporting herself in at least a semi-comfortable way? Able to go out a couple times a month, able to purchase the clothing she wants to wear, etc.? Are your financial worlds…worlds apart? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/8 "2005-12-09T00:29:50Z")
If she was supposed to buy your shorty Tyco with your money, But she went to the doctor got lipo with your money And she’s walkin around lookin like Michael with your money… Well, I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger, but… ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/9 "2005-12-09T01:06:48Z")
> [@Grossbottom](#): > > …And yet, I’ve heard from several **female friends** in the past that this girl is shopping for a meal ticket, big time… Um yeah, just so ya’ know: Women can pretty catty sometimes. As long as this girl isn’t throwing any guilt trips on you in the sense that you should pay for this or pay for that; then all is good. And please, for the love of Og: Don’t do any “tests” on her. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/10 "2005-12-09T01:13:58Z")
**Grossbottom** –she is your girl. Ignore these evil backbiters. Love her, & have faith in her. [del]Unless you are a Vanderbilt. Then, scope her out from top to bottom.[/del] Seriously–“testing” your lover is evil. Don’t do it. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/11 "2005-12-09T01:56:00Z")
> [@FisherQueen](#): > > Just remember, if you lie to her to find out if she is a gold-digger, and it turns out she isn’t, then you are still a liar. > > Just stay with her a while, don’t buy her gifts that she couldn’t afford to buy you, and get to know her. Seconded. If she pressures you to give her money or pay for her more than you’re comfortable with, you have a problem. Otherwise, you don’t. Don’t look for a problem where there isn’t one. ---
**Author:** ![Campion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Campion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Campion)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/12 "2005-12-09T02:03:56Z")
My brother’s advice (given, unsolicited, at the dinner table last Christmas, but fortunately only in front of me, my sister and her husband): “All women are gold-digging whores.” After a few minutes of sisterly bullying (while my BIL laughed his head off), my brother changed this philosophy to, “All women who make less money than you are gold-digging whores.” Needless to say, this isn’t really a helpful philosophy. Here’s the thing: even if she’s a gold-digger, so what, if she makes you happy? I believe that several of my co-workers are dating or married to women who are primarily interested in how much money their man brings home. But if she makes the man happy, what business is it of ours? ---
**Author:** ![partlycloudy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/partlycloudy/32/3114_2.png) [@partlycloudy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/partlycloudy)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/13 "2005-12-09T02:18:48Z")
You “heard from several female friends…?” Oh no, I wouldn’t even think twice about it. If she’s a gold-digger, you’ll realize it eventually. Plus this: > [@](#): > > Whenever I’ve offered to pay more than might be entirely seemly she’s been very scrupulous in refusing. suggests to me she’s probably _not_ a gold-digger. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/14 "2005-12-09T02:24:05Z")
Is she messin’ with any broke niggas? ---
**Author:** ![633squadron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/ee59a6/32.png) [@633squadron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/633squadron)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/15 "2005-12-09T02:25:15Z")
> [@Grossbottom](#): > > And yet, I’ve heard from several female friends in the past that this girl is shopping for a meal ticket, big time. To be fair, her last boyfriend of several years did come from a fairly wealthy family. If you have to ask, she is. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/16 "2005-12-09T03:14:12Z")
I agree you should NOT test her. That is what dating is for… for you to find out if she is a match for you. But there is the small chance that you could date her for years and then when you get married, she changes and becomes a money-grubbing gold digger. It happened to my uncle. He dated this woman for a couple years, got married to her, then she sucked him dry. So I guess I’m saying that dating isn’t without it’s risks, but then you have to take some risks if you want to find that special someone. Don’t test her, but date her for awhile and get to know her. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/17 "2005-12-09T04:17:05Z")
If you offer to marry but mention the word “prenup,” you will get an indication. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/18 "2005-12-09T04:20:36Z")
> [@AskNott](#): > > If you offer to marry but mention the word “prenup,” you will get an indication. Holla “We want prenups-WE WANT PRENUPS…Yeah!” ---
**Author:** ![Grossbottom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba8739/32.png) [@Grossbottom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grossbottom)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/19 "2005-12-09T14:12:56Z")
Wow, I got responses, some of which were actually serious. Thanks! > [@astro](#): > > What is the background and culture of this girl and yourself? She’s English, now a U.S. citizen. I’m an American mongrel raised waspy. > [@Ghanima](#): > > Go Dutch. On everything. For a year. Including vacations. > That’ll flush out a gold-digger. I couldn’t. Even if I was so inclined, I hate accounting. > [@Kalhoun](#): > > Is she capable of supporting herself in at least a semi-comfortable way? Able to go out a couple times a month, able to purchase the clothing she wants to wear, etc.? Are your financial worlds…worlds apart? She’s capable of supporting herself comfortably. Our financial worlds aren’t too dissimilar, but the situation becomes complicated because several of my closer family members could be **very** helpful to her, careerwise, and she knows it. So it might not be that she’s just looking for unlimited soap operas and a couch to ride. > [@AskNott](#): > > If you offer to marry but mention the word “prenup,” you will get an indication. It’s tempting, but gold digger or not I think most women respond the same way to dropping the old pre-nup hint. > [@Askia](#): > > Is she messin’ with any broke niggas? No, and I guess that’s what makes me put some credence in what I’d otherwise dismiss as catty rumors. Something about her does tell me she’s definitely got a threshold below which she’s not gonna go, when it comes to men and money. > [@Dragwyr](#): > > So I guess I’m saying that dating isn’t without it’s risks, but then you have to take some risks if you want to find that special someone. Don’t test her, but date her for awhile and get to know her. Good, healthy relationship advice. So, uh, anyone got anything besides the pre-nup thing? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770/20 "2005-12-09T14:20:24Z")
> [@Grossbottom](#): > > Wow, I got responses, some of which were actually serious. Thanks! > > … > > So, uh, anyone got anything besides the pre-nup thing? I think the people who suggested getting to know her without “testing” her were serious… You’re dating. Live the life you want to live, spend what you want to spend, find out what kind of person she is, and along the way, you’ll figure out what her motivations are. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-if-shes-a-gold-digger/334770.md?page=2)