# How do I find out "the right thing"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 2, 2020, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864 "2020-04-02T05:18:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/1 "2020-04-02T05:18:10Z")
I have posted a lot of different things with many different people who believe different things to be true. Buddhism, Nihilism, etc and through each of these things I get different justifications for them. My biggest weakness is “spiritual stuff” because the anecdotal evidence seems convincing enough for me to believe it to be true. Yet in terms of perspective the more distance I get from such things the more I can see they are different ideas and that just because someone says it or believes it does not make it capital T truth. But it’s hard to see it the majority of the time and the changes people purport to their lives seems like reason enough to believe. Then here I am, stuck trying to figure out the right to to do with life and how to live it correctly. I wonder how people do it myself all the time but at the end of the day I don’t have much of a clue. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/2 "2020-04-02T05:36:19Z")
> [@Annie Savoy in Bull Durham](#): > > The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self-awareness. Plenty of people don’t know the answer and will reflect on the nature of their personal philosophy over and again in life. The rest just don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/3 "2020-04-02T06:21:51Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Plenty of people don’t know the answer and will reflect on the nature of their personal philosophy over and again in life. The rest just don’t care. That quote does seem appropriate. Honestly I feel like it’s a waste of time, but part of me is obsessed with the correct way to live and to be. Is society right? What if I didn’t listen? Could I not listen and just blend in to avoid trouble? Do I stay or go? What about those who don’t agree with society? I tend to get hung up on “profound” stuff now when in the past I would just let it slide and that’s it. I guess maybe because back then I thought I had all the answers but now I realize I don’t anymore. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/4 "2020-04-02T09:00:45Z")
If you have a functional personal conscience, then “the right thing” is the thing that is at peace with that conscience. If you do not have a functioning conscience, you’ll have to ask Jesus or someone to quote platitudes from scriptures, and call yourself a good servant of the deity, whether what you did was the right thing or not’ ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/5 "2020-04-02T10:59:09Z")
Firstly be aware that people say a lot of things to get themselves power or money. Use the scientific method to see what really works. Next, I’m not religious, but I like the quote “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Another good way to live your life is “Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching.” ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/6 "2020-04-02T13:56:21Z")
> [@glee](#): > > Next, I’m not religious, but I like the quote “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Religion is often credited with various motifs on the [Maxim of the Golden Rule](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Rule) but it has been traced as far back as ~2000BC. And while religions are arguably the oldest examples of philosophy in human history, I think it deserves to be credited as early secular philosophy adopted by various religions, rather than the other way around. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/7 "2020-04-02T13:57:39Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Honestly I feel like it’s a waste of time Go with that feeling. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/8 "2020-04-02T13:59:19Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Religion is often credited with various motifs on the [Maxim of the Golden Rule](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Rule) but it has been traced as far back as ~2000BC. And while religions are arguably the oldest examples of philosophy in human history, I think it deserves to be credited as early secular philosophy adopted by various religions, rather than the other way around. It is also flawed, in that it assumes that the other person wants the same thing that you do. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/9 "2020-04-02T14:06:17Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > I have posted a lot of different things with many different people who believe different things to be true. Buddhism, Nihilism, etc and through each of these things I get different justifications for them. My biggest weakness is “spiritual stuff” because the anecdotal evidence seems convincing enough for me to believe it to be true. > > Yet in terms of perspective the more distance I get from such things the more I can see they are different ideas and that just because someone says it or believes it does not make it capital T truth. But it’s hard to see it the majority of the time and the changes people purport to their lives seems like reason enough to believe. > > Then here I am, stuck trying to figure out the right to to do with life and how to live it correctly. I wonder how people do it myself all the time but at the end of the day I don’t have much of a clue. Have you ever been diagnosed professionally with being on the (Aspergers or similar) spectrum? I ask because it seems to me that in addition to your obsessive behavior, you have trouble with critical thinking and weighing evidence against personal experience, external collective social input and internal value judgments. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/10 "2020-04-02T14:15:43Z")
**Machinaforce** , were you raised with any religion or strong philosophical belief? ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/11 "2020-04-02T14:40:23Z")
I highly recommend you start worshiping money. Follow the money and all will be right in your life. Well, at least you’ll have millions of people who worship with you and those that don’t will at least understand you. Remember he who dies with the most points wins. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/12 "2020-04-02T15:08:47Z")
One possibility: find one or more people you admire, look at how they lived their lives, and follow their example. They could be people you know personally, historical figures, or even fictional characters. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/13 "2020-04-02T16:51:18Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > They could be people you know personally, historical figures, or even fictional characters. [Like Eeyore.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQI0E1WCLMU) ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/14 "2020-04-02T16:54:29Z")
Disclaimer: do not nail a tail to your ass. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/15 "2020-04-02T20:44:12Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Have you ever been diagnosed professionally with being on the (Aspergers or similar) spectrum? I ask because it seems to me that in addition to your obsessive behavior, you have trouble with critical thinking and weighing evidence against personal experience, external collective social input and internal value judgments. It’s just that I think that because a few or opinion isn’t mainstream that it’s some sort of “hidden” truth that no one wants to know. Or if it’s painful to hear then it’s true or that if it goes against the grain then it’s true. Or if I fail to convince people then I am the one in the wrong. I’m not great at judging the truth of things and usually just go with something because someone believes it or they sound like they know what they are talking about. I try to find the right thing to do or the right way to live but every answer seems wrong according to those who have the “truth” (or those I perceive to know the truth). ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/16 "2020-04-02T21:46:28Z")
I think it _is_ worthwhile to continue your search for truth / understanding / meaning. What you should _stop_ doing, in my opinion, is seeking someone with the authority to _tell you_ what the answers are. Keep listening, yes, to anyone you think may have insights. But like it or not, the final authority is you. Yes, I know you aren’t qualified. That’s how it works, nevertheless. Tip: you may find significant meaning in the paradoxical vortex that surrounds uncertainty. You lack certainty now, and it appears to bother you. One possible interpretation of never being able to have a certain Answer is to dismiss the question and say “there ain’t one”, but you don’t care for that interpretation — neither do I. Keep considering what possible things you can build on the premise that uncertainty is, umm, well, certain, or the most certain thing you’ve found at any rate. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2020, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/17 "2020-04-02T22:12:55Z")
I try my best, but it’s hard when people can appear so convincing and have it figured out. Like with me and Buddhism: [Forum: Sex, Lies, and Buddhism - Lions Roar](https://www.lionsroar.com/forum-sex-lies-and-buddhism/) It seems like they have the answers and the responses to questions against and for it, so it’s hard to argue against them for me. I know you say that I am the final authority on what I let in but that doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence in myself. If I don’t know a lot about anything (which I truly don’t) then what right do I have to reject them? Just because I don’t like it or it makes me uncomfortable? The end result being that I tie myself up with things other people have said or that I have read and all I am left with is just a bunch of “no’s” when it comes to doing things I want. Buddhism messed me up because I took it to mean that wanting things was wrong and just led to suffering, which is bad and I couldn’t argue with them. Or if there was a recurring pattern I noticed that it wasn’t a self or something I can call “me”. In the case of Nihilism I took feeling joy as running away, actually I’ve been living by the “ignorance is bliss” line for quite a while. Mostly because I was happier and better off never reading anything else or expanding my world. Now I’m left with words and questions I have no answers to. I would have been better without Buddhism, or Nihilism, or questioning morality and such. I even spent some time in a Psychedlics forum (I’m not a user don’t worry) and their philosophy section had me doubting the foundations of what I know and how I live my life. I can’t seem to find the strength of say no to any of these things (and more) because I don’t want to be ignorant or close-minded or a “slave”. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2020, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/18 "2020-04-03T16:08:57Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > It’s just that I think that because a few or opinion isn’t mainstream that it’s some sort of “hidden” truth that no one wants to know. Or if it’s painful to hear then it’s true or that if it goes against the grain then it’s true. Or if I fail to convince people then I am the one in the wrong. I’m not great at judging the truth of things and usually just go with something because someone believes it or they sound like they know what they are talking about. > > I try to find the right thing to do or the right way to live but every answer seems wrong according to those who have the “truth” (or those I perceive to know the truth). Have you read, “Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy”? It would be good for you to read it for a few reasons: 1. You could stand a little silliness and humor in your life. 2. It would take your mind off from obsessing about things. 3. The answer to your quest for the ultimate meaning of life and everything is contained in this book. Let us know what you think after you’ve read it. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2020, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/19 "2020-04-03T16:14:41Z")
Some version of the Golden Rule is pretty universal among all cultures. Start with that and a lot of other things fall into place. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2020, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/20 "2020-04-03T16:17:45Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > I try my best, but it’s hard when people can appear so convincing and have it figured out. > > Like with me and Buddhism: [Forum: Sex, Lies, and Buddhism | Lion’s Roar](https://www.lionsroar.com/forum-sex-lies-and-buddhism/) > > It seems like they have the answers and the responses to questions against and for it, so it’s hard to argue against them for me. I know you say that I am the final authority on what I let in but that doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence in myself. If I don’t know a lot about anything (which I truly don’t) then what right do I have to reject them? Just because I don’t like it or it makes me uncomfortable? > > The end result being that I tie myself up with things other people have said or that I have read and all I am left with is just a bunch of “no’s” when it comes to doing things I want. Buddhism messed me up because I took it to mean that wanting things was wrong and just led to suffering, which is bad and I couldn’t argue with them. Or if there was a recurring pattern I noticed that it wasn’t a self or something I can call “me”. > > In the case of Nihilism I took feeling joy as running away, actually I’ve been living by the “ignorance is bliss” line for quite a while. Mostly because I was happier and better off never reading anything else or expanding my world. Now I’m left with words and questions I have no answers to. I would have been better without Buddhism, or Nihilism, or questioning morality and such. I even spent some time in a Psychedlics forum (I’m not a user don’t worry) and their philosophy section had me doubting the foundations of what I know and how I live my life. > > I can’t seem to find the strength of say no to any of these things (and more) because I don’t want to be ignorant or close-minded or a “slave”. But what is it that you’re _looking for?_ What would success _look like?_ Maybe it’s not out there; but, hey, maybe it _is_. Maybe, in all your attempts to find some hidden out-of-the-mainstream truth, you could someday come across useful tips or even a whole philosophy that has just what you hope to find. What, broadly speaking, would that look like? You follow the instructions and then — what happens? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864.md?page=2)