# How do I find out "the right thing"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 2, 2020, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864 "2020-04-02T05:18:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/61 "2020-04-07T22:30:42Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > I have a problem leaving things unresolved or unanswered. I feel the need to have a response to everything And yet you make not even the smallest attempt to answer 99 percent of questions people ask you in your threads. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/62 "2020-04-07T23:08:02Z")
See, you misunderstand when people tell you to get help, or see a therapist. Their job is not to help you find the right thing, or sort this out for you. It’s to help you deal with your obsessions, and get them to stop bothering you so much. They’re not there to confirm your beliefs. You might not find a therapist who works for you the first time, but it would truely benefit you to try. Until then, **Machinaforce** , have you ever heard the phrase, “can’t see the forest for the trees”? You’re so caught up in trying to examine each little detail, you miss what’s going on in front of you. In your quest to find the right thing, it could pass you by. HOWEVER, it’s very unlikely it exists. There are no guarantees in life. There is no one answer. You need to stop and accept that perhaps the “right thing” is that there IS no “right thing”. > [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > An inability to make decisions or choose ways forward, also known as “decision paralysis,” can be a form of obsession known as abulomania. > > But if you’re going to insist that “it isn’t really a mental illness issue” and that psychiatric help won’t be useful because a therapist is “just another human” then I’m not going to pester you about getting professional help. > > Instead I’ll just ask, if nothing you can think of that might work hasn’t worked for you, why shouldn’t you consider something that other people here recommend? I looked it up, and it fits him to a tee – especially the part about “[analysis paralysis](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Analysis_paralysis)” ---
**Author:** ![ASL\_v2.0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asl_v2.0/32/3525_2.png) [@ASL\_v2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASL_v2.0)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/63 "2020-04-07T23:09:55Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > He’s said these intrusive thoughts cause him anguish. He says that, yes. If they really do, then he ought to seek professional help, but he need not be diagnosed by any arm chair psychiatrists. > [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > And yet you make not even the smallest attempt to answer 99 percent of questions people ask you in your threads. Yep. I engaged sincerely for several days on one of his earlier threads. I saw him come surprisingly close to a break through many times, just enough to keep my hopes up that there was a point in staying with the discussion, but… yeah. I am only commenting here now because I have concerns about some of the people who might read what is being said to and about him. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2020, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/64 "2020-04-08T04:15:23Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > See, you misunderstand when people tell you to get help, or see a therapist. Their job is not to help you find the right thing, or sort this out for you. It’s to help you deal with your obsessions, and get them to stop bothering you so much. They’re not there to confirm your beliefs. > You might not find a therapist who works for you the first time, but it would truely benefit you to try. > > Until then, **Machinaforce** , have you ever heard the phrase, “can’t see the forest for the trees”? You’re so caught up in trying to examine each little detail, you miss what’s going on in front of you. In your quest to find the right thing, it could pass you by. > > HOWEVER, it’s very unlikely it exists. There are no guarantees in life. There is no one answer. You need to stop and accept that perhaps the “right thing” is that there IS no “right thing”. > > I looked it up, and it fits him to a tee – especially the part about “[analysis paralysis](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Analysis_paralysis)” It does sound like me but I think the wording could be tweaked around a bit, though overall it pretty much fits me. Thing is I want to let this all go and just move on with my life already. I want to know how other people do it. How people can just look a things on a facebook page like this: [Ndileka Khumalo | Facebook](https://m.facebook.com/ndileka.khumalo.9) Or read things like: “Real peace is happiness. Pleasures do not form happiness.” or “If the mind is distracted, ask the question prompty, “do whom do these thoughts arise?”. That takes you back to the “I” point promptly.” and “Avidya is ignorance. It implies subject and object. Become the subject and there will be no object.” (these are all examples in case people don’t have a facebook account, it’s from some guy called Sri Ramana Maharshi) And then just move on with their lives. I want that. I used to be able to do that in fact, just let it go. But years ago when I wanted to learn about world religions and starts with Buddhism (because why not it was one I had no exposure to unlike others that I somewhat knew of) I found that these things stuck, and hard. When I shared my concerns with my therapist and told him all the lines and sayings that bothered me he was just “so what?” and I was shocked (well surprised really) that other people don’t react to any of this stuff the way that I do. I wanted their secret, why was I getting hung up and tying a noose around my neck while the rest of the world seems to just let this stuff go. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2020, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/65 "2020-04-08T05:21:26Z")
Which is why people are suggesting you might want to talk to a therapist, who can help you learn to let this stuff go, and stop obsessing over it. ---
**Author:** ![installLSC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/54ee81/32.png) [@installLSC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/installLSC)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2020, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/66 "2020-04-08T05:50:33Z")
Something’s not adding up. The OP claims he’s so obsessed with religion that a vague Facebook post about religion paralyzes him into inaction… …but not the religion he was raised in, and for that matter what religion he was raised in. He doesn’t get triggered by Christian, Jewish, or Islamic beliefs, only Buddhist thoughts. And he doesn’t realize “Catholic” and “Christian” aren’t different things. It’s a very weird look at things. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2020, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/67 "2020-04-08T12:15:53Z")
Then why not try starting here: “The secret to life is enjoying the passage of time, there ain’t nothin’ to it! Any fool can do it!’ On this, I’m pretty sure the Buddha and James are in agreement! Once you’ve mastered that, consider only then diving deeply into philosophy! Good Luck! ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2020, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/68 "2020-04-08T20:07:53Z")
> [@installLSC](#): > > Something’s not adding up. The OP claims he’s so obsessed with religion that a vague Facebook post about religion paralyzes him into inaction… > …but not the religion he was raised in, and for that matter what religion he was raised in. He doesn’t get triggered by Christian, Jewish, or Islamic beliefs, only Buddhist thoughts. And he doesn’t realize “Catholic” and “Christian” aren’t different things. It’s a very weird look at things. Because it’s easier to reject god for which there isn’t evidence for rather than the claims of buddhists. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2020, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/69 "2020-04-08T20:17:26Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > I have a problem leaving things unresolved or unanswered. I feel the need to have a response to everything, which is what makes spiritual stuff kind of sticky for me since I can’t just google something saying they are wrong and I can’t really argue against their personal experience of what they felt. Do you have a more specific example? You’ve asked about a number of philosophical questions in the past, are these the kind of things you feel are unresolved? Could you point to one of your threads that provides an example of an unresolved issue for you? > [@](#): > > Letting things go feels like losing for me so I feel compelled to “win” by proving them wrong, which further makes spiritual stuff sticky because it usually just ends with the other person saying “to each their own” or something like it. Plus being unable to “win” against them makes me feel like I am wrong because they won’t admit they are wrong. A lot of people can understand wanting the ‘win’, and wanting to prove people wrong. And plenty of people also are frustrated with the concept of “Let’s agree to disagree”. What stands out here is that you sound like someone who believes there is one true answer but you don’t know what that answer is. Did you feel like that as a child being raised as a Christian, or did that come about later in life? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2020, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/70 "2020-04-08T21:14:47Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Because it’s easier to reject god for which there isn’t evidence for rather than the claims of buddhists. What do you think is the evidence for, as you put it, “the claims of buddhists”? Spell this out: if you think they claim doing X and Y and Z will keep you from being fearful or troubled or disappointed, then — _what?_ Have you tried it? Did it work? If you tried it and it worked, then (a) that’s evidence, and (b) mazel tov. And if you tried it and it _didn’t_ work, then that’s your cue to loftily say something dismissive about evidence while _rejecting_ those proclamations. But if you haven’t yet tried it, well, then — why not _go get yourself some evidence?_ ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2020, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/71 "2020-04-08T21:36:01Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > It doesn’t work because this isn’t really a mental illness type of issue. They can’t really help me in finding the “right way” because even though they are a therapist at the end of the day all I can really say is that they are just another human. Would you say this about any other field of medicine? I know my leg’s not working right, and “they” want to stop the bleeding and put the broken bones in a cast… but they’re just human, right? Many of your obsessions can be made less painful with counseling and medication. But every time anyone tries to help, you say “Nope, not going to do that.” How many times are people on this board going to offer you bandages and a cast only to have you hobble by saying “I’ve been trying to walk lots of different ways. And nothing’s working, it’s really painful… So I’m not going to get my broken leg fixed.” ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2020, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864/72 "2020-04-08T22:50:38Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Because it’s easier to reject god for which there isn’t evidence for rather than the claims of buddhists. What evidence do the Buddhists–or whoever you’re obsessing about this week–have? Be specific. Be very specific. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-find-out-the-right-thing/850864.md?page=3)