# How do I get rid of a roommate? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 17, 2004, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-rid-of-a-roommate/250923 "2004-06-17T21:39:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-rid-of-a-roommate/250923/21 "2004-06-18T18:06:52Z")
There’s got to be SOME place you can go. This is an insane situation, and even if it’s possible to get the guy kicked out, it’ll be difficult and time-consuming, and a lot more emotional trouble than its worth to boot. Just get a gettin’ as soon as you can get yourself together, and find another place to live. And smack him one for starting a relationship when he obviously utterly lacks the ability to have one. ---
**Author:** ![wnorthr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecccb3/32.png) [@wnorthr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wnorthr)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-rid-of-a-roommate/250923/22 "2004-06-18T21:29:16Z")
Get qualified legal advice. If you move out and you are on the lease he could sue you. It sounds like he won’t want to let his “housekeeper” go so even if he agrees to your moving out get some agreement in writing releasing you from paying rent. Make sure the landlord knows, and if he’s willing to take you off the lease do it. This guy could make your life miserable if you don’t cover yourself. But DO get out. ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-rid-of-a-roommate/250923/23 "2004-06-18T21:34:53Z")
> [@wnorthr](#): > > This guy could make your life miserable if you don’t cover yourself. Ha ha! That line made me laugh my fool head off. I think you’re right. I’m going to check with someone to make sure I’m not going to be paying half the rent here. Now, who wants to smack ME for getting into this in the first place? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-rid-of-a-roommate/250923/24 "2004-06-18T21:39:25Z")
> [@SexyWriter](#): > > Thanks for the good advice…once again, the dopers have been wise and wonderful. > > The details are pretty typical. We moved in together about two years ago, both signed the lease at the time. He had been living here for numerous years prior to that, but a new year was at hand, so we both signed up. > > Of course, from my point of view, it’s his fault. Know what I mean? And if you asked HIM, he’d tell you it’s my fault. But from my perspective, he’s done nothing since I moved in. And when I say nothing…I mean NOTHING. I’ve been travelling a lot for work. While I’m gone he spends his time talking to local women on the internet. When I come home, I have dirty sheets to wash, along with my own mess from travelling. He doesn’t do his dishes while I’m gone. He doesn’t buy groceries. He doesn’t pay any bills. Even his own. And so on. He does, however, lecture me like a child about what a mess the house is and how come I haven’t done a better job of keeping it up? He threatens to kick me out if I don’t do a better job. > > He is working…and is well employed. He’s depressed and I’ve been struggling with him for YEARS (this went on for two years before we moved in together) to do something about his depression. He engages in NO hobbies (except the aforementioned talking to sluts on AOL). He doesn’t maintain contact with his family, who continue to call concerned about him and attempting to bring him into their circle. He doesn’t have any friends. We have a dog, who he refuses to train. The original arrangement was “boyfriend/girlfriend” and he expects me to be exclusive, which I am. However, we have NEVER had sex, nor does he ever kiss me or touch me in any other way. And in fact, I haven’t had sex in about 4 years. > > Anyway, none of that has anything to do with who should move out. I have been looking for someplace to live. And of course, in the Boston area rent and moving expenses are outrageous. Since I consider him the butt of the problem (literally) I feel like it should be his responsibility to either pay some of those expenses or move himself. (Current apartment is priced WELL below market value, in an ideal location and a real deal to get to stay). > > You asked for details…there they are. Sordid and stupid, but that’s the way it is. I seen some pics you posted of yourself a few years back and you’re quite cute. You’re putting up with a guy who doesn’t want you to look elsewhere for affection, but won’t have sex with you or kiss you because he’s angstified and mixed up inside, and in addition he’s nasty to you, when you could probably have your pick of successful, reasonably well adjusted guys. And this has been going on for years? It’s official. I will _never_ understand females. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-rid-of-a-roommate/250923/25 "2004-06-18T21:39:48Z")
BREAK UP WITH HIM! Fortheloveofgod! Perhaps if you start seeing other people, he’ll take the hint. And stop doing his chores for him. You may have to move, but that’s no reason to let him take advantage of you in the meantime. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-rid-of-a-roommate/250923/26 "2004-06-18T22:03:27Z")
> [@Kings\_Gambit1](#): > > :eek: > > Find a room somewhere to rent and get the heck out of there! Run! Don’t walk! I second this. Break up with him ASAP and ask him if he wants to move out or if he’d rather you did. Hopefully he’ll choose to stay – it’s a lot easier for you to move quickly than to compel him to move quickly, and that situation sounds like poison for you. The sooner you get away from it, the better. Good luck! The next few months will be hard, but you’ll end up in a much, much better place. ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-rid-of-a-roommate/250923/27 "2004-06-18T22:19:38Z")
I forgot to mention that in CA (and I’ll bet in MA), you are responsible for the remaining time on the lease just as much as he is. If you move and don’t replace yourself, you’ll have trouble. You have to get him to sign a release with the management company so they can’t sue you if the rent isn’t paid. He may not want to do that. I f he doesn’t, your only other options are to get someone to replace you and hope that the rent gets paid (by someone irresponsible and someone who can’t be held legally responsible), or to move out and pay 2 rents at the same time. Both suck. Other than that, you just make sure you have a place to move to the day after your lease expires. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-rid-of-a-roommate/250923/28 "2004-06-18T23:06:12Z")
> [@SexyWriter](#): > > Ha ha! That line made me laugh my fool head off. > > Now, who wants to smack ME for getting into this in the first place? Me, a little bit. I second what Astro said. You’ve been putting up with this for how long? And you’re staying because you like the rent? I think I asked in the original thread you posted, but, “What did you ever see in this guy in the first place?” As for the OP, I suppose if you’re willing to put up with some unpleasantness, you could put your current relationship on completely roommate status (as you implied it was in the OP). Then start up a new relationship and have your new beau over. You’re on the lease – you can do it. There’s a good chance that angst boy won’t want to stay around for that. Of course, there’s always the chance that things will erupt into the kind of domestic strife that you see on C.O.P.S – I’m not sure that an apartment is worth that. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2004, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-rid-of-a-roommate/250923/29 "2004-06-19T02:17:11Z")
By **Sexywriter** : _“The original arrangement was “boyfriend/girlfriend” and he expects me to be exclusive, which I am. However, we have NEVER had sex, nor does he ever kiss me or touch me in any other way. And in fact, I haven’t had sex in about 4 years.”_ This, together with the rest of your story, is one of the more bizarre tales I’ve ever seen posted here. Do you realize that you’ve got all the inconveniences of a relationship and none of the benefits? You’ve got bills, quarrels, dirty laundry and other housekeeping responsibilities. Your personal freedom is as limited as it would be if you were married. You’ve got no love, affection or sex life. You’ve got no feeling of togetherness and no opportunity to be with others who would be interested in having a loving relationship with you. In honor of the recently deceased Ray Charles, I’ll advise you to “Hit the Road, Jack”. Even if the worst case develops and you have to pay part of the rent until the lease runs out, still leave. Please don’t waste another week of your life in this losing situation. A flop-house room on skid row would be preferable. Sincere best wishes. Everybody deserves better than what you’ve been dealing with. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-rid-of-a-roommate/250923.md?page=1)