# how do I get this guy out of my house? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 17, 2003, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621 "2003-11-17T02:04:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/101 "2003-11-19T17:20:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diane \* > **Are you crazy Bill?** I would like to state, unequivicably, that yes, I am crazy. I plan to invite someone from another country, who I ran across for two days while on vacation overseas, a person who I thought was a “tosser”, and a person who I did not INVITE, but who ASKED me if they could crash at my place after they flew in from that other country, into my home for an undetermined amount of time. **Diane** , what is your opinion about my plans? ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/102 "2003-11-19T17:45:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diane \* > \*\*The two of you should really consider not letting me affect your lives they way I so obviously do. Really. It can’t be healthy. \*\* Don’t pat yourself on the back so hard, you’ll break your arm. Rest assured, you are nothing more to me then 5 text characters in a certain order on a messageboard. ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/103 "2003-11-19T17:47:14Z")
**UncleBill** , I don’t know about **Diane** , but I think that’s a _wonderful_ idea. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/104 "2003-11-19T17:51:28Z")
> [@](#): > > Knowing that he is affecting our sanity, seems at the moment to be enough for him to get his arse moving. I’ll belive it when you write that it has already occured. I’m gonna have to side with **Diane**. I’m the one who made the ‘leechbait’ comment. Which is NOT an insult, BTW. See, leeches find nice, generous people and play them for all they are worth. That is how I see this guy. He is playing you. He will not get out by his own choice. You will either throw him out or bribe him out. But \*_Diane_ is absolutely right. Knowing a guy 2 days is waaaay too freakin’ soon to invite him to stay with you, especially if you have a kid. But I trust you have learned that lesson now. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/105 "2003-11-19T18:16:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBill \* > \*\*I would like to state, unequivicably, that yes, I am crazy. I plan to invite someone from another country, who I ran across for two days while on vacation overseas, a person who I thought was a “tosser”, and a person who I did not INVITE, but who ASKED me if they could crash at my place after they flew in from that other country, into my home for an undetermined amount of time. > > **Diane** , what is your opinion about my plans? \*\* I’m not **Diane** , but may I answer that? Do you have a minor child living with you? If the answer is no, then I say, have a great time! Take some precautions with your valuables and be sure that you sit down at the very beginning and outline everyone’s (including his) expectations, including but not limited to; what does “an undetermined amount of time” mean to each of the parties, who pays for food, will they kick in anything for rent or utilities? I’m not saying they _should_ pay for any of that stuff, but it’s always a good idea to make sure everyone’s clear on the details right from the start. Seems that **superstar** neglected to set out any parameters and now her food, utilities, computer and privacy are all being infringed upon to the point of driving her SO into hiding in her room and making the whole family uncomfortable. She could’ve avoided that with a simple conversation. I trust that if you hadn’t considered any of this, you’ll at least have learned from her mistake as outlined in this thread. I know you will, 'cause you’re a smart guy. Enjoy your visitor! ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/106 "2003-11-19T18:24:11Z")
> [@](#): > > Diane, what is your opinion about my plans? I think that is a marvelous idea! Do you think Bjorn is available? I hear he is a real tosser! Get Scooter to sleep on his head. > [@](#): > > Don’t pat yourself on the back so hard, you’ll break your arm. Rest assured, you are nothing more to me then 5 text characters in a certain order on a messageboard. Hmmmm yeah, you sure get worked up over those 5 text characters in a certain order, especially when you admitted you responded to the poster (me) as opposed to the comment (the backbone thing). Whatever, it’s your story. ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/107 "2003-11-19T19:27:17Z")
I would probably hesitate to use **Diane** for any diplomatic mission that called for tact. That said, I’m really rather surprised at the vitrolic reaction that she’s gotten here. I’ve invited strangers to stay with me in the past-however, and here’s the key, I wasn’t responsible for the health and welfare of a minor at that time. That strikes me as rather reckless. That said, there’s something else that bothers me about this scenario and that’s the fact that, although **superstar** resents this man’s presence in her house and feels she’s being taken advantage of, at the same time, she still wants him to think that she’s a swell person. I’ve seen that attitude more than once in other people that I know and frankly, it baffles me. Why is it so important to be perceived as “nice” rather than honest or fair? When I read that some one is being advantage of but is afraid that if they stand up for themselves they’ll be thought offensive, I have to suspect, as the evil **Diane** said, indeed, their back bone is MIA. ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/108 "2003-11-19T20:01:46Z")
Please. Bringing the child into it is no more than invoking the “Won’t somebody please think of the children!?” argument, to win your point on moral grounds when reason would be defeated. Its **superstar** ’s fault for creating a less than ideal situation? That’s called blaming the victim. Also known as _bullshit_. I second the cry for another update. How’d the interviews go? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/109 "2003-11-19T20:11:11Z")
No, it’s not “blaming the victim”, it’s telling someone to take responsibility and stand up for one’s self! The guy is obviously a jerk-why should he or she care what this leech thinks? The leech doesn’t seem to be very considerate of his hosts’ feelings-so why should they? ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/110 "2003-11-19T20:18:12Z")
> [@](#): > > Please. Bringing the child into it is no more than invoking the “Won’t somebody please think of the children!?” argument, to win your point on moral grounds when reason would be defeated. No it’s not. There’s an actual 9 year old living in the house. A 9 year that may be left alone with a man who is, for all extents and purposes, an unknown quantity. We’re not generalizing about a group of children that may or may not be affected by something-we’re addressing the vulnerabilityof a real live child who’s mother invited a stranger into her house. > [@](#): > > Its superstar’s fault for creating a less than ideal situation? That’s called blaming the victim. Also known as bullshit Excuse me? She made the choice to invite this man that neither she nor her husband had known for more than 2 days into her house. Now that he’s proved a less than ideal house guest, she wants to get rid of him but is afraid that he won’t like her if she actually stands up for herself. That’s not being a victim-that’s being a big wiener. ---
**Author:** ![gmarkstephens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gmarkstephens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gmarkstephens)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/111 "2003-11-19T20:28:34Z")
I once had a girl that I met on vacation “come visit me“I ended up putting up with two months of this sort of crap along with her trying to become my girlfriend. Here is what I learned. Unless you plan on your guest being an important part of your life, you should not worry about his opinion of you. He will, I am sure be upset and feel slighted when you firmly tell him that he has to go, but this his how he has managed to mooch off of your good intentions to this point. The only way that you will get him to stop taking advantage of you is firmly tell him that he will no longer be able to stay with you after a set date. You should decide, with your SO what date that is, and let your houseguest know what it is. After this stick to your date, or he will be there until you move. In the future, I would advise building a true friendship prior to inviting someone into your home. If the person is worth knowing the friendship will thrive, and the visit will be enjoyable for all involved. My .02 good luck :wally ---
**Author:** ![gmarkstephens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gmarkstephens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gmarkstephens)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/112 "2003-11-19T20:31:41Z")
hey that putz should be up at the two months part. ie aimed at me for letting the girl in question stay that long. I am not calling you a putz. oops ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/113 "2003-11-19T20:32:13Z")
> [@](#): > > Now that he’s proved a less than ideal house guest, she wants to get rid of him but is afraid that he won’t like her if she actually stands up for herself. > That’s not being a victim-that’s being a big wiener. I was going to write a big old post, but then I saw this, and realized nothing needs to be added. Maybe I would have used “weenie” --though that might be a regional difference. ---
**Author:** ![Sat\_on\_Cookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@Sat\_on\_Cookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sat_on_Cookie)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/114 "2003-11-19T21:36:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BottledBlondJeanie \* > \*\ ***Star** could you give us an update? I think it took real neerve for you to bring the subject up with this guy. \*\* 😕 What on earth takes “neerve” here? This guy has become an unwelcome guest in her home. I don’t understand why this is such a monumental task and really don’t think that it takes “guts” or “nerve” or “quite a set of balls” or “gumption” to ask him to leave. I think it takes a “backbone,” which she seems to be missing. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/115 "2003-11-19T22:19:10Z")
Now now now, you mean people are going to make World Eater cry again if you continue using the evil “backbone” word. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/116 "2003-11-19T23:22:15Z")
Don’t worry, he’ll just summon up his steely resolve and continue in his fight against people giving otheres advice. ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/117 "2003-11-19T23:27:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rysler \* > \*\*Please. Bringing the child into it is no more than invoking the “Won’t somebody please think of the children!?” argument, to win your point on moral grounds when reason would be defeated. > > Its **superstar** ’s fault for creating a less than ideal situation? That’s called blaming the victim. Also known as _bullshit_. > > I second the cry for another update. How’d the interviews go? \*\* **Victim** what **victim**? Oh, you mean the “victim” who while thinking clearly, soundly, and of her(his?) recognisance invited this person into their lives and home only to find later that they felt uncomfortable, whiney, batty, and unable to kick them out of their home? Aaah yes, poor dears. :rolleyes: There’s something to be said for accountability… Sam ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/118 "2003-11-20T00:09:23Z")
I take issue with those who say this person was invited. HE asked if he could stay there. He was not invited. They (the OP and the SO) were not disinclined to acquiesce to his request. ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/119 "2003-11-20T00:12:58Z")
I was trying some positive reinforcement. It’s that first step…talking to them and saying you don’t want them in your house that’s the hard one. After that, I think it gets easier and easier. It seems that **superstar** has dealt with the first issue and it will be easier to get terse about it the next time. Not to get into the backbone/Diane thing, I think it’s easy to say things like “get a backbone” and “grow a spine” if you’re a person that’s used to doing that because they can’t comprehend what it’s like to not be so assertive. But for someone like **star** it’s making that first step that looks darned nigh impossible. Anyway, I think all will be well now. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621/120 "2003-11-20T00:23:52Z")
For crying out loud, how much of a backbone does it fucking take to tell a total stranger that you only met two days ago, “No, you cannot stay with us!” Da’hell? GAH!!! I’m shy as all get out, and even I wouldn’t put up with that shit. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-get-this-guy-out-of-my-house/213621.md?page=7)