# How do I gracefully tell a coworker to stop talking to me? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 11, 2013, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185 "2013-07-11T00:04:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/1 "2013-07-11T00:04:26Z")
For those counting, this is my fifth work-related social etiquette thread. It’s because I suck at life. I share an office with someone who keeps trying to make small talk when I would like to work. He can’t tell when I’m trying to ignore him. If I don’t answer, he’ll ask for a response. If I give a one word response, he’ll launch into his long winded story while I have to sit and listen. Everyone else does their obligatory “how’s it going” only about once a day. Some of my closer friends will stop by once for a longer chat. This guy will start talking to me around five times a day. What’s even more irritating is that when I"m talking to another coworker while he’s working, he’ll tell us both to be quiet so that he can concentrate on his work. The second he stops working and wants to chat, he has no problem interrupting me while I work. I don’t want to upset the guy, and I don’t want to tell him to be quiet five times a day. Or to be quiet “until further notice,” because he can’t understand when to leave people alone on his own. What should I do? ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/2 "2013-07-11T00:08:37Z")
Can you use exactly his words and tone, when he tells you and your friends to be quiet, to tell him the same? Repeat as often as necessary, and he’ll get the message. And it would probably be a good idea to have your friends stop coming by to chat. It gives him the idea that casual chat is ok in your workspace, which seems to be counter to the message that you are trying to send him. Roddy ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/3 "2013-07-11T00:16:47Z")
Poisonous blowgun darts. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/4 "2013-07-11T00:23:10Z")
Any chance you could use headphones as a signal to not bother you? You don’t even have to be listening to anything, just have them on your ears. Just telling him you’re trying to get work done and you don’t have time to talk right now, really should work fine too. Instead of the one-word answer, just say, " I don’t have time to chat right now." ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/5 "2013-07-11T00:37:03Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > Any chance you could use headphones as a signal to not bother you? You don’t even have to be listening to anything, just have them on your ears. Do this. And if you happen to make eye contact, just point at your ear and shake your head uncomprehendingly. > [@](#): > > Just telling him you’re trying to get work done and you don’t have time to talk right now, really should work fine too. Instead of the one-word answer, just say, " I don’t have time to chat right now." But this implies you might want to talk at some other time. You might have more long term success with completely ignoring him, except for looking up and saying “Huh?” with an expression on your face as though he’s speaking a language you don’t understand. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/6 "2013-07-11T00:51:18Z")
I don’t know what to tell you. I’ve had co-workers like that; nice people, but for some reason they just have to talk, talk, talk talk talktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalk. And can’t seem to pick up on when the conversation is over. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/7 "2013-07-11T01:18:36Z")
I was that guy. It’s not that I never shut up, it’s just that one of the ways I worked through a problem was by talking about something else. How to get rid of me? Just keep saying, as politely as you can, “I’m sorry but I need to concentrate on this.” And when that fails, tell your boss. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/8 "2013-07-11T01:21:07Z")
Every time he tries to start up a “chat”, always steer the conversation to, “Have you heard the Word of the Lord?” or “Are you ready for the end-times?” or some such topic. Or ask the boss to move you into some other office. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/9 "2013-07-11T02:20:58Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Every time he tries to start up a “chat”, always steer the conversation to, “Have you heard the Word of the Lord?” or “Are you ready for the end-times?” or some such topic. > > Or ask the boss to move you into some other office. I guess you can carry an Amway brochure and whip it out (as it were) at these moments. This makes me think of a scene on _Wings_, where Joe and Helen were trying to get rid of a couple who had taken the last two seats on a flight. Joe said to the other man and woman with great enthusiasm, “I’m so glad we’re sitting next to you, because we’ll have plenty of time to talk about your life insurance needs!” and Helen chimes in with equal enthusiasm, “And I’ve just found the Lord!” The other couple ran like the wind. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/10 "2013-07-11T02:57:56Z")
Do people not tell other people to “shut the fuck up” anymore? ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/11 "2013-07-11T03:06:25Z")
Be prepared to offer him copies of The Watchtower and Amway brochures. And life insurance brochures too. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/12 "2013-07-11T03:06:27Z")
Seriously, I just exchange pleasantries and then turn my back and start working again. Body language speaks volumes. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/13 "2013-07-11T03:52:41Z")
Do what he does. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/14 "2013-07-11T04:32:48Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > Can you use exactly his words and tone, when he tells you and your friends to be quiet, to tell him the same? Repeat as often as necessary, and he’ll get the message. This is exactly what I was going to suggest. He should be able to recognize and understand his own words and tone. Or . . . any chance you can be assigned a different office? ---
**Author:** ![Longshanks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Longshanks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Longshanks)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/15 "2013-07-11T11:16:34Z")
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Would seem the appropriate response to your co-worker. ---
**Author:** ![Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emtar_KronJonDerSohn)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/16 "2013-07-11T11:55:48Z")
My favorite is “the high note.” More or less ignore the talker for a bit and then interrupt them with a stupid joke. When they either laugh or look at you sideways say “goodnight!” and walk away with your hands in the air like a comic leaving the stage. Of course it works best if you have somewhere to be. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/17 "2013-07-11T12:48:25Z")
> [@Lakai](#): > > he’ll launch into his long winded story while I have to sit and listen. No, you don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/18 "2013-07-11T13:43:32Z")
Wear headphones. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/19 "2013-07-11T13:46:10Z")
[I’ve stopped listening, so why haven’t you stopped talking?](http://www.ultimatetshirts.com/family-guy-not-listening-t-shirt.html) My son has that shirt. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2013, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185/20 "2013-07-11T13:47:30Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Seriously, I just exchange pleasantries and then turn my back and start working again. Body language speaks volumes. Ha! I go right on typing and answering the phone while clueless co-workers stand at my shoulder, talking. They never get it. And they don’t need my participation. As long as there’s a warm body in proximity to them, it’s blahblahblahblahblah. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-gracefully-tell-a-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me/663185.md?page=2)