# How do I handle being headhunted? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 1, 2012, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428 "2012-10-01T21:36:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/21 "2012-10-02T16:08:33Z")
> [@treis](#): > > Agreed. Especially since your husband is a pharmacy student and, presumably, will be making good money in a couple years. I’d respectfully disagree with the basis of this line of thought. Every parent has a responsibility for ensuring that they are capable of fully supporting their children on their own, if for whatever reason that should ever be necessary. The OP’s salary may be sufficient for that, but the line of thinking in this comment is one that has left many families destitute and is a major cause of poverty in this country. Even stay-at-home moms with wealthy husbands should think long and hard about how they can maintain their job skills and be ready to enter the workforce should there be a change in circumstance. I am glad the OP found a decision she is happy with, and it sounds like it was probably the best choice. Unanticipated job offers, especially when they are on a path you had never previously considered, can be surprisingly stressful. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/22 "2012-10-02T16:37:54Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I am leaning towards not doing it. I don’t think I have devoted enough time to my current career to leave this soon and I love the people I work with and how I set my own schedule. I was so shocked with the call I didn’t know how I should react and if it was a good decision to hesitate. Thanks for all the advice everyone. I know if I had asked friends or family I wouldn’t have gotten the bias free answers I got here! Thanks 🙂 Probably a smart decision. I was recruited away from a job where I was tenured and liked the people I worked with. They offered twice my salary plus other perks, and I was bored, so I jumped ship. Six months later they downsized me and I was out of work for another six months. It was somewhat of a relief, as the number of assholes and backstabbers at that job far outweighed the decent people. It was a killer salary, though. ---
**Author:** ![treis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@treis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/treis)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/23 "2012-10-02T17:08:06Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I’d respectfully disagree with the basis of this line of thought. Every parent has a responsibility for ensuring that they are capable of fully supporting their children on their own, if for whatever reason that should ever be necessary. The OP’s salary may be sufficient for that, but the line of thinking in this comment is one that has left many families destitute and is a major cause of poverty in this country. Even stay-at-home moms with wealthy husbands should think long and hard about how they can maintain their job skills and be ready to enter the workforce should there be a change in circumstance. > > I am glad the OP found a decision she is happy with, and it sounds like it was probably the best choice. Unanticipated job offers, especially when they are on a path you had never previously considered, can be surprisingly stressful. They aren’t broke and she makes a reasonable amount of money with full benefits. She seems to be fully capable of supporting her children on her own. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/24 "2012-10-02T17:19:42Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I’d respectfully disagree with the basis of this line of thought. E\*\*very parent has a responsibility for ensuring that they are capable of fully supporting their children on their own, if for whatever reason that should ever be necessary. \*\*The OP’s salary may be sufficient for that, but the line of thinking in this comment is one that has left many families destitute and is a major cause of poverty in this country. Even stay-at-home moms with wealthy husbands should think long and hard about how they can maintain their job skills and be ready to enter the workforce should there be a change in circumstance. > > I am glad the OP found a decision she is happy with, and it sounds like it was probably the best choice. Unanticipated job offers, especially when they are on a path you had never previously considered, can be surprisingly stressful. I agree with this as well. While I look forward to the time when we will be better off because of my husband’s career path, there are no guarantees in life and he may not get the job he is looking for after graduation, something may happen to him, heck our marriage may fall apart and where would my children and I be? This is precisely why I am getting my master’s degree and why I have been working full time since I graduate undergrad. I never want to have to rely on him for financial stability, but I also support him in his educational pursuits! Right now he is relying on me 😉 P.S. I told my boss today what happened, and he was a bit rattled. When we contract with banks one of the stipulations is they are not allowed to recruit our staff. So, while he said it was a major compliment for me and that I did well in the way I handled it, I think he was miffed that the guy did what he did. I also got his official title, he is the Chief Operations Officer for the bank in this region. ---
**Author:** ![treis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@treis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/treis)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/25 "2012-10-02T19:13:44Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > P.S. I told my boss today what happened, and he was a bit rattled. When we contract with banks one of the stipulations is they are not allowed to recruit our staff. So, while he said it was a major compliment for me and that I did well in the way I handled it, I think he was miffed that the guy did what he did. I also got his official title, he is the Chief Operations Officer for the bank in this region. Well, I suppose that’s the last job offer you will get from this guy. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/26 "2012-10-02T19:59:26Z")
Yeah. Ratting him out might not have been such a good idea. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/27 "2012-10-02T20:12:53Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Yeah. Ratting him out might not have been such a good idea. I don’t see it as ratting out because I didn’t know anything about that clause in the contracts with the banks, I am just a sales rep. My boss knows because he drafts the contracts and added that clause specifically because he was courted by a bank a few years after he started our company who tried to hire him away to be a regional accounts manager. He wanted to make sure that his employees didn’t have to deal with the awkward situation like I did on a regular basis. They can’t keep us from applying to other companies, but it would be an unfair advantage to the bank if they headhunted all our best employees just because they know and work with us! That would pretty much kill our relationship with the banks. We run a very good business and the only way to stay that way is to retain the best people. I don’t think the COO of the bank who called me even knew about that clause, so there was no tattle telling involved, I was just letting my boss know so he didn’t hear about it through the grapevine and so he knew exactly how I handled it. He said he appreciated my honesty and told me to take it as a great compliment. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2012, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/28 "2012-10-02T22:02:47Z")
Since the OP is looking for advice, this is best suited to IMHO. Colibri General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/29 "2012-10-03T03:14:56Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I don’t see it as ratting out because I didn’t know anything about that clause in the contracts with the banks, I am just a sales rep. My boss knows because he drafts the contracts and added that clause specifically because he was courted by a bank a few years after he started our company who tried to hire him away to be a regional accounts manager. He wanted to make sure that his employees didn’t have to deal with the awkward situation like I did on a regular basis. They can’t keep us from applying to other companies, but it would be an unfair advantage to the bank if they headhunted all our best employees just because they know and work with us! That would pretty much kill our relationship with the banks. We run a very good business and the only way to stay that way is to retain the best people. I don’t think the COO of the bank who called me even knew about that clause, so there was no tattle telling involved, I was just letting my boss know so he didn’t hear about it through the grapevine and so he knew exactly how I handled it. He said he appreciated my honesty and told me to take it as a great compliment. Sorry, you still shouldnt have done it. The other dude was trying to do you a favor, and in today’s job market you dont know that tomorrow might bring a pink slip. ---
**Author:** ![Bouncer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9d8465/32.png) [@Bouncer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bouncer)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/30 "2012-10-03T03:23:06Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Nope, trading a job you love and fits with your lifestyle for a mere $10K? Not worth it. Trust me, OP. > > Dont do it. This. Exactly and unequivocally. Think of it this way, after taxes that 10k bump is more like 6k. You really want to leave a job you love and which works well with your lifestyle for 6k? Regards, -Bouncer- ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/31 "2012-10-03T03:31:04Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Sorry, you still shouldnt have done it. The other dude was trying to do you a favor, and in today’s job market you dont know that tomorrow might bring a pink slip. Do me a favor by making me feel awkward and offering me a position I have little qualifications for nor experience in out of the blue? How is that doing me a favor? I told my boss so he didn’t hear about it from someone else and I had to explain myself anyway. I think it was the most professional thing I could do. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/32 "2012-10-03T04:58:36Z")
$6,000 is better than a kick in the ass. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/33 "2012-10-03T14:15:34Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > $6,000 is better than a kick in the ass. It is always good to have a little perspective 😉 ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/34 "2012-10-03T14:35:22Z")
It’s pretty simple question. Do you want to give up a highly flexible job for a new job you aren’t really qualified for and don’t appear to have any real interest in for $10,000? Not to discout the money. $10,000 is a lot when you are making $40,000 a year. But you have to look at the big picture. And yes, considering a new offer can be very stressful, even if it looks like a great offer. Any new job carries an inherent risk that you won’t like it or won’t be successful at it. As crappy as most people find their jobs, usually they aren’t that bad, or at the very least, they have figured out how to deal with that jobs particular crappiness. With any new job, you have to start from square one, building relationships, establishing professional credibility, so on and so forth. > [@April R](#): > > Do me a favor by making me feel awkward and offering me a position I have little qualifications for nor experience in out of the blue? How is that doing me a favor? I told my boss so he didn’t hear about it from someone else and I had to explain myself anyway. I think it was the most professional thing I could do. Yes, generally being offered a $50k job out of the blue is considered “doing a favor”. Telling your boss isn’t really the most professional thing you could do. Really, there is no reason to tell your boss anything, unless you have some tactical reason for doing so. What do you think is going to happen? Your boss will get mad because he will hear through the grapevine that someone else offered you a job? Although I don’t think it’s a big deal either way. Sometimes bosses need to know their employees aren’t indentured servents with no other options for employment. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/35 "2012-10-03T15:12:32Z")
great points \*\*msmith537 \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Barrett\_Bonden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@Barrett\_Bonden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barrett_Bonden)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2012, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/36 "2012-10-03T16:18:56Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Do me a favor by making me feel awkward and offering me a position I have little qualifications for nor experience in out of the blue? How is that doing me a favor? I told my boss so he didn’t hear about it from someone else and I had to explain myself anyway. I think it was the most professional thing I could do. You’re right that a job offer is not a “favor,” really; it’s a business proposition by which both parties may potentially profit. The fact that you felt awkward about it is not a reflection on the recruiter or his offer in any way.\* He has communicated to you that he thinks you are competent and a potentially valuable employee to his organization. Your response, running and telling your boss _and naming names_, will very likely get back to him. His takeaway will be that you are not a particularly discreet person. This will probably cause him to re-evaluate his initial assessment of your capabilities. If someone thinks that you are a good job prospect, **there is no benefit to you in burning that bridge** , even if you turn down the offer. If your boss had heard about the job offer from someone else and asked you about it, your reply would be that you had received a flattering offer, but you turned it down because you felt that your current job was the best fit for you at this time. \*Assuming of course there was nothing skeezy or suggestive about the offer. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/37 "2012-10-05T20:13:42Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > P.S. I told my boss today what happened, and he was a bit rattled. When we contract with banks one of the stipulations is they are not allowed to recruit our staff. So, while he said it was a major compliment for me and that I did well in the way I handled it, I think he was miffed that the guy did what he did. I also got his official title, he is the Chief Operations Officer for the bank in this region. I guess I’m not the only one who thinks this was a bad idea. If it ever got back to your boss, the answer is, “I didn’t even consider it so I didn’t think to bring it to you.” If it gets back to the bank, especially since he was not to recruit you, it looks at best that you are indiscreet and at worst was throwing under the bus for him trying to help you. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428/38 "2012-10-06T01:15:08Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > I guess I’m not the only one who thinks this was a bad idea. > > If it ever got back to your boss, the answer is, “I didn’t even consider it so I didn’t think to bring it to you.” If it gets back to the bank, especially since he was not to recruit you, it looks at best that you are indiscreet and at worst was throwing under the bus for him trying to help you. I think I did the right thing. The only loyalty I have to the bank is helping them with their clients. I am their only rep in this area so they either use me or they don’t make any income off of their merchants. They would be shooting themselves in the foot if they did that, and I have proven myself to be an asset to them, so I don’t think they would be that stupid or unprofessional. I also seriously doubt my boss would jeopardize a 5 year relationship with this bank just to prove a point to them. So it is more likely it ends with me and my boss, and I am glad I was honest with both the banker and my boss about my current career intentions. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-handle-being-headhunted/636428.md?page=1)