# How do I "not drink" gracefully? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 15, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313 "2006-12-15T18:27:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/21 "2006-12-15T19:10:10Z")
How 'bout “It doesn’t agree with me” …and if the press you… “When I drink alcohol, I turn into a Werewolf” ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/22 "2006-12-15T19:13:31Z")
[QUOTE=mrklutz] I had a friend who used to use “I’m allergic”. There would be the inevitable “Really?” or some such response, to which she’d follow up “Yeah, it makes me break out in a rash of jails and institutions”. [/QUOTE] I use variations of this: “It makes me throw up, then fall down.” “It leads me to believe I know kung-fu.” “I break out (beat) into show tunes.” Or I tell people I’m the designated hair-holder. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/23 "2006-12-15T19:26:24Z")
I rarely drink anymore. I’m not an alcoholic, I just don’t enjoy it, plus I always want to be sober around my kids. I haven’t been hassled about it or pushed to drink by others since my early 20’s. Mybe it’s an age thing? Anyway, I just get an iced tea or a coke. If anyone asks, I say don’t feel like drinking. That’s almost always been the end of it. On the rare occasion that someone wants to pursue the matter, I just repeat that I don’t feel like drinking and either change the subject or walk away. If anyone really wanted to make an issue of it (which no one really has for many years), I’d probably tell them 'I don’t want to drink, and that’s the end of it." I wouldn’t worry about sounding rude because I would consider pestering someone to drink if they don’t want to to be rude in itself. ---
**Author:** ![Dumbguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dumbguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dumbguy)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/24 "2006-12-15T19:27:30Z")
I get hassled about not drinking a lot, and it really bugs me. Almost anything else you can turn down without question, but people act like alcohol is sacred or something. One technique I’ve developed that short circuits the whole Why Not conversation is to say, “No thanks. I’m not drinking tonight” and then hit a big bongload. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/25 "2006-12-15T19:30:56Z")
[QUOTE=VCO3] How can I not drink with grace and panache? I’m not the type of guy who’ll just order a soda or whatever. I remember that thread about the guy ordering MILK at the bar, and I wouldn’t dream of doing that either. So how can I play this cool without coming across like a weird prude to my new coworkers? What sort of drink can I order in this situation that won’t look totally weirdo (maybe a club soda or something)? [/QUOTE] This is a little confusing. You’re not the type of guy to order a soda, but you’ll order a club soda? Or are you talking about walking around the party holding a Mountain Dew can? If there’s a bar and someone’s tending it you can always order whatever non-alcoholic thing you want and if the bartender reaches for a water or soda glass just stop them and ask it be served in a grown-up glass, i.e. whatever type of glass everyone else is walking around holding. One thing I don’t really recommend is lying about it. Why should you? “Sorry, it’s the antibiotics.” Oh no, sorry. Can’t. My parole officer is going to pee-test me in the morning." Why bother? If someone asks “whatcha drinkin’?” and you say, “tonic” that should be the end of it. If they continue the questioning they’re the one being ungraceful, not you. ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/26 "2006-12-15T19:38:59Z")
-I don’t drink -Why not? -Why DO you drink? ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/27 "2006-12-15T19:39:39Z")
I’ve always thought that there should be a regular drink (stir stick and ice in a rocks glass) looking non alcoholic beverage with a cool sounding drink name that all bartenders would instantly recognize as the “codeword” for just this type of occasion. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/28 "2006-12-15T19:46:44Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] I’ve always thought that there should be a regular drink (stir stick and ice in a rocks glass) looking non alcoholic beverage with a cool sounding drink name that all bartenders would instantly recognize as the “codeword” for just this type of occasion. [/QUOTE] I’ve spent enough time on both sides of the bar you don’t need a codeword with a bartender. “Water, in a regular glass” is all the codeword you need. Bartenders do this stuff for a living. ---
**Author:** ![Caridwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c89c15/32.png) [@Caridwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caridwen)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/29 "2006-12-15T19:55:19Z")
I don’t drink and I certainly don’t apologize for it or carry around a pretend drink. The only people that have ever asked me why seem to be people that have alcohol issues themselves. I just give ‘the look’ that my husband tells me I’m so good at. Anyone that asks why doesn’t deserve an answer. If someone is a vegetarian do people ask why? If someone doesn’t like cheese are they given the third degree? If you feel like you have to answer I’d give the allergic lie. I’ve used that myself in restaurants. I despise the taste of wine. I don’t ask that they make something without wine, but I always make sure there isn’t any wine used and sometimes use the allergic bit. Before that they’d say no and sometimes there was. ---
**Author:** ![Autumn\_Almanac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d26b3c/32.png) [@Autumn\_Almanac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autumn_Almanac)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/30 "2006-12-15T20:01:54Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] “When I drink alcohol, I turn into a Werewolf” [/QUOTE] We have a winner. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/31 "2006-12-15T20:10:47Z")
I generally drink, but on occassions when I’m not, I usually just say “I’m driving” (which is usually the reason I’m not drinking anyway). I will carry a coke or other non-alchoholic drink around, not for other people’s benefit, but to keep my hand occupied and to have something to do with myself while I’m hanging out. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/32 "2006-12-15T20:12:54Z")
“I’m not drinking tonight” “I don’t drink” or “I’m a great big pussy” also work ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/33 "2006-12-15T20:16:19Z")
How about: “I wanna make sure I don’t get Whiskeydick, cause I definitely intend to get me some tonight!” I realized that folks’ responses might well vary depending on their personal histories and social circles. For example, if you used to be a heavy drinker, and hang with friends and family who continue to drink, you might anticipate different reactions than someone interacting with co-workers who do not share a common history with you. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/34 "2006-12-15T20:18:58Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] I’ve spent enough time on both sides of the bar you don’t need a codeword with a bartender. “Water, in a regular glass” is all the codeword you need. Bartenders do this stuff for a living. [/QUOTE] I meant more of a codeword that wouldn’t alert the people you were with, not for the bartenders benefit. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/35 "2006-12-15T20:25:22Z")
Next time anyone asks, I’m going with “Drinking gives me a uterine hemmorage.” ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/36 "2006-12-15T20:35:59Z")
I enjoy the taste of beer. If I’m not drinking and don’t want to make a big deal of it, I’ll order a non-alcoholic beer and wrap my napkin around the label. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/37 "2006-12-15T20:37:10Z")
…and before somebody asks: yes, I can tell the difference between “real” beer and “near” beer. When I want real beer I usually drink porters and stouts, and I’ve never seen a non-alcoholic stout. Guinness, get to work on that, 'k? ---
**Author:** ![Wordworker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/77aa72/32.png) [@Wordworker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wordworker)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/38 "2006-12-15T20:38:29Z")
I always say, “Eh, I’m not a big drinker.” I used to say, “Sorry, I don’t drink” but people bizarrely started asking me how long I’d been sober. It’s not bizarre that they got that impression (that I’m a recovering alcoholic), I just thought it was bizarre that people would actually ask the question so directly. So, I changed to the new answer. No matter what, there’s always those odd occasions where people try to insist that I drink. I don’t know if they’re unable to enjoy themselves without drinking, and therefore think I couldn’t either? ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/39 "2006-12-15T20:39:29Z")
I prefer replying, in a thoroughly manic voice, “Alcohol? Hell no, that’s a drug with too many bad side effects and a really inaccurate dosage schedule–it’s dangerous! That’s why I switched to heroin/crack/meth/etc…” Hardly anybody bugs me about it twice. Either that or a pitying, withering, “Dude, I’m _DRIVING!_” (Unvoiced subtext, “what, are you STUPID?”) gets the job done. Then again, I’m a bitch and don’t care what people think of me… ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313/40 "2006-12-15T21:13:09Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] :smack: I have to be honest, if anyone told me they were “allergic” to alcohol, I wouldn’t be able to resist the bait. “Really, you’re allergic? To something with no amino acids? You know that’s technically impossible, right? You might have a sensitivity or it might exacerbate other medical problems, but the word “allergic” is a specific medical term referring to bronchial constriction in the presence of certain proteins which trigger the histamine response…” Yeah. I don’t get invited to many parties anymore. 😃 [/QUOTE] You are a permanent fixture on my guest list. Then again, I don’t give many parties There is always the “borderline diabetic” angle. I work with a bunch of partiers. When the subject comes up, I tell them I drink once a year at Cathy’s house. I had one drink at our Halloween party, now I get made fun of because I have zero tolerance. (CHEAP DATE!) I really do think it is intrusive for folks to ask. I’m assuming you are old enough to do so if you wanted to and therefore old enough to not want to based on your own logic. It’s right up there with folks insisting that I believe in god. Back off. Then again, I’m pathologically unhip. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-not-drink-gracefully/384313.md?page=3)