# How do I schmooze the Jews? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 12, 2014, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555 "2014-01-12T03:59:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/41 "2014-01-12T18:25:13Z")
Nooooo, Ivory! Sigh. I don’t want to give a damn jewishy gift! I just want EXACTLY WHAT I ASKED FOR IN MY OP. I don’t know why I can’t communicate clearly with you today, but Ivory you are driving me crazy. Haha, I mean that with the most affection possible. The stuff that went wrong has NOTHING to do with gift giving. I know EXACTLY what went wrong, and it has zero to do with gift giving. Gift giving is just a VERY COMMON thing with a lot of our interactions, I have seen people do stuff in this biz that I know is wrong, like contacting and constantly calling observing Jewish landlords on Friday nights, or like my own faux pas of trying to shake one’s hand. So I am just asking general advice and this thread has been awesome, and thank you Ivory for your great suggestions. ETA: Ok, Hello Again, I thought it meant something like a store that just sells a lot of things that Jewish people may like? Haha, like the African stores in my neighborhood. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/42 "2014-01-12T18:31:24Z")
There’s kosher and there’s kosher. There are people who will only eat really specifically kosher products. When I taught in a yeshiva, my kosher Hanukkah gelt was rejected for not being kosher enough for that community. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/43 "2014-01-12T18:34:06Z")
Yeah, but susan, if one is super kosher, and someone brings you something not ‘kosher’ enough, but kosher all the same…you may not love it, but probably wouldn’t be offended. Ivory, my apologies. I just noticed one of my character flaws. I am over sensitive to anything I perceive as being patronized to. Forgive me. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/44 "2014-01-12T18:41:22Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Yeah, but susan, if one is super kosher, and someone brings you something not ‘kosher’ enough, but kosher all the same…you may not love it, but probably wouldn’t be offended. > > Ivory, my apologies. I just noticed one of my character flaws. I am over sensitive to anything I perceive as being patronized to. Forgive me. I’m not sure where you got that I was trying to patronize you, but I am sorry that it came off that way. I did try to say I knew you weren’t trying to, but that may have been lost in the post. I hope you see now that I wasn’t presuming you were stupid or trying to patronize. Anyway, my comment had more to do with checking out Judaica shops., which would result in a more “Jewishy gift”. You seemed enthusiastic about that, so I wanted to give a caution. My very first suggestion in this thread was simply to stay away from anything risque or bawdy and keep it kosher, so I fully understood what you were asking and tried to help. Since you gave few details about why you needed to “mend fences”, I wanted to give a perspective from someone who has traveled, even a little bit, in that world. Seems you have gotten a lot of good ideas. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/45 "2014-01-12T18:47:34Z")
Yeah, I was over sensitive about something I perceived that wasn’t actually there. It is something I am noticing about myself that I need to be aware of. Sorry about that. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/46 "2014-01-12T18:50:32Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > I think I didn’t understand what a Judaica is. Going to go look at the link. Hmm, I guess as a non-Jew I didn’t really notice that the store wasn’t really a gifty place either. I just remember them having lots of little tchotche type things and thinking that something like that might make a good gift, but apparently I didn’t pay enough attention while I was there. I still think it might be worth your time to talk to someone in a Jewish business (whether that is Judaica or Zabar’s or whatever) and ask them what they would recommend, simply because they are going to be much more likely to know what you should be looking for. Best of luck! ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/47 "2014-01-12T18:53:11Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > Hmm, I guess as a non-Jew I didn’t really notice that the store wasn’t really a gifty place either. I just remember them having lots of little tchotche type things and thinking that something like that might make a good gift, but apparently I didn’t pay enough attention while I was there. I still think it might be worth your time to talk to someone in a Jewish business (whether that is Judaica or Zabar’s or whatever) and ask them what they would recommend, simply because they are going to be much more likely to know what you should be looking for. Best of luck! I think the idea is not to give them something Jewishy, but avoid anything potentially offensive or simply unusable. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/48 "2014-01-12T19:01:42Z")
Correct! I thought a Judaica might be that kind of store, but I see now. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2014, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/49 "2014-01-12T22:43:48Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Cookies or chocolate. Just make damn sure that it’s kosher. 🙂 AFAIK whole, uncut, fruit is safe and doesn’t need a kosher label. Ditto for vegetables. ---
**Author:** ![Deegeea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Deegeea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deegeea)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/50 "2014-01-13T06:59:31Z")
Also you might wish to keep track of when Passover is. Kosher in general does not mean it’s Kosher for Passover, that’s a separate thing. For example, most whisky might be made with a grain that renders it not Kosher for Passover… chocolate also needs special supervision for that holiday. Here is a link from a quick Google search that appears to have reasonable advice on this topic: [What Foods are Kosher for Passover? - Tori Avey](http://theshiksa.com/what-foods-are-kosher-for-passover/) ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/51 "2014-01-13T07:03:51Z")
CK Dexter Haven: > [@](#): > > so-called “modern Orthodox” don’t care about the hand-shaking. Just to clarify: so-called “modern” Orthodox certainly do care about the hand-shaking, and will not shake hands with a member of the opposite sex when it can be avoided without embarrassing the other party. However, they are less squeamish than Hassidim about doing it in order to avoid embarrassing them. Even the Hassidim know that (in Jewish law) it’s more important to not embarrass people than to avoid contact, but their more sheltered environment gives them a natural aversion that’s less easy to overcome. I can’t claim to be entirely innocent of this myself. I have no problem shaking hands, but once, (at a company holiday party) a woman hugged me as a friendly greeting, and I pretty much just froze up awkwardly. Perhaps that sort of thing is common in the non-Orthodox-Jewish world, but it was completely unexpected by me. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/52 "2014-01-13T11:05:08Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > I can’t claim to be entirely innocent of this myself. I have no problem shaking hands, but once, (at a company holiday party) a woman hugged me as a friendly greeting, and I pretty much just froze up awkwardly. Perhaps that sort of thing is common in the non-Orthodox-Jewish world, but it was completely unexpected by me. Most definitely not common. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/53 "2014-01-13T12:44:11Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > CK Dexter Haven: > > Just to clarify: so-called “modern” Orthodox certainly do care about the hand-shaking, and will not shake hands with a member of the opposite sex when it can be avoided without embarrassing the other party. However, they are less squeamish than Hassidim about doing it in order to avoid embarrassing them. Even the Hassidim know that (in Jewish law) it’s more important to not embarrass people than to avoid contact, but their more sheltered environment gives them a natural aversion that’s less easy to overcome. > > I can’t claim to be entirely innocent of this myself. I have no problem shaking hands, but once, (at a company holiday party) a woman hugged me as a friendly greeting, and I pretty much just froze up awkwardly. Perhaps that sort of thing is common in the non-Orthodox-Jewish world, but it was completely unexpected by me. Relevant article from NPR that just aired about hugging in the workplace: [A New Rule For The Workplace: 'Hug Sparingly' : NPR](http://www.npr.org/2014/01/11/261467123/a-new-rule-for-the-workplace-hug-sparingly) ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/54 "2014-01-13T16:16:29Z")
Ha, I get hugged all the time for work. Mostly it’s people I interview for stories, and after spending a couple hours with them talking about subjects near and dear to them, I suppose their enthusiasm spills over to me! 🙂 I’m all for more love in the world, so I accept them. I’m not Jewish and can’t give any advice, but just feel compelled to chime in that I would give flowers routinely if I had to give routine gifts. Personally, if people brought me flowers every day of my life I’d appreciate it immensely. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2014, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/55 "2014-01-13T16:18:48Z")
Also **Leo Bloom** , don’t call people assholes here. It makes you a jerk. **Nzinga** might have tolerated it with good grace, but it’s still against the rules. ---
**Author:** ![Elemenopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b5e925/32.png) [@Elemenopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elemenopy)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2014, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/56 "2014-01-14T17:13:58Z")
I don’t think you can go wrong here: [http://www.maraskausa.com/](http://www.maraskausa.com/) This brand is carried by just about every shop I’ve been in. The Slivovitz is fine, if a bit mass market, and the cherry wine is really tasty. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2014, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/57 "2014-01-14T18:27:03Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Most definitely not common. Depends on where you are- when I was young it was common only among Italians in NYC. Now it seems that people of every ethnic group except Orthodox Jews hug as a greeting. It’s often not between friends as most of these greetings are between coworkers who neither see each often nor know each other well. It’s the people who only see each other at holiday parties or training, not the ones who work next to each other every day. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2014, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/58 "2014-01-14T20:08:34Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > Depends on where you are- when I was young it was common only among Italians in NYC. Now it seems that people of every ethnic group except Orthodox Jews hug as a greeting. It’s often not between friends as most of these greetings are between coworkers who neither see each often nor know each other well. It’s the people who only see each other at holiday parties or training, not the ones who work next to each other every day. It’s certainly common amongst my friends and family. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2014, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/59 "2014-01-14T20:40:35Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > I think I didn’t understand what a Judaica is. Going to go look at the link. They do klezmer covers of Metallica songs. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2014, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555/60 "2014-01-15T02:03:29Z")
> [@Leo\_Bloom](#): > > First of all, learn what the word schmooze means and how to use it. > > Only assholes use it as transitive. No only people who don’t know Yiddish use it transitively. Assholes make comments like the above. The word schmooze means something “chew the fat with”. I am not sure what word is intended, perhaps “schmear”. Anyway, a sealed box of chocolates with a circled K ought to be safe, at least for most. A bottle of kosher wine is always appreciated. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-schmooze-the-jews/678555.md?page=4)