# How Do I Stop People Thinking The Worst Of Me **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 3, 2017, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885 "2017-10-03T17:06:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Caminandocuevro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@Caminandocuevro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caminandocuevro)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2017, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/1 "2017-10-03T17:06:52Z")
Hello, all, at present, I am stuck in between a rock and a hard place and need feedback to find a solution? I used to belong to a subculture of metal that was fairly liberal, I was not satanist, however I was very nonconformist/nihilists and I refused to follow all the constraints of social orders and all politics and all religions whilst at the same time holding my own views even on spiritualism, so it is fair to say that I have read and studied a considerable amount of what could be and is still considered as heresy though it was and is all purely for knowledge very little of it being applied to life’s road and not evil, now this was going all good and well until I met who is now my ex-fiancee as she pointed out that me going to metal gigs all these years and now at this age which was my middle-late 30s was getting more than childish which even now I utterly agree with her, then one night after her and I had split up I had an epiphany which led me to drastically change my ways to such an extent that I chose a religion which is completely despised by my once compatriots, the result was I ended up being ostracised and the consensus became the agenda to drive me out of everything, religion, spiritualism even work on top of which I found out that many people had me down as a fascist ideologist though I must have mentioned that I am nihilist/nonconformist like a thousand times. So After some time all the action I was getting stopped though I gave up promiscuity and still wanting to marry the right woman now, finally the rumors became so bad that I could not even follow any organised religion so I reverted to a pre nonchristian/ none Islamic religion I had known for many years previously only to find that almost everyone did not like this sort of collective Indian spiritual/religion, so here is the big question, aside from marrying a Jewish girl how in all of creation do I get these people to see that I am not satanist, neither am I nazi, neither am I gangster and have very much solid view seven years later of unconventional indigenous western belief I still follow bearing in mind I do not perpetuate or propagate any evil intentions and would not hesitate to fight as our belief knows fighting as a plan of action. So any sensible ideas or feedback from anyone knowing similar situations would be a great input for me, things get so bad to date that twelve women who all once reciprocated my advance and some who still do will are forced to stay away from me and I am no misogynist so big answers please and none of this open-minded crap. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2017, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/2 "2017-10-03T17:23:48Z")
**Moderator Action** Since you are relatively new here, let me point out that the General Questions forum is for questions with factual answers. Questions like this, which are more advice and opinion questions, belong in our In My Humble Opinion forum. It’s no biggie. I’ll move this thread for you. Moving thread from GQ to IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2017, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/3 "2017-10-03T17:40:03Z")
How do you know it’s your choice of religion that’s keeping people from befriending you? Could it be that you are also so unconventional in other ways that people just decided it’s not worth the effort? And, why pick a religion at all? There’s nothing wrong with not following ANY religion: in fact, it’s rather liberating. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2017, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/4 "2017-10-03T18:03:52Z")
> [@Caminandocuevro](#): > > …so here is the big question, aside from marrying a Jewish girl how in all of creation do I get these people to see that I am not satanist There are many stories of men who married nice Jewish girls and became satanists, so be forewarned. Practical Advice department as regards dating: maybe you should ixnay on the eligionray, at least as far as espousing a firm dogma. At most, tell them you’re looking into Unitarianism. Hardly anyone should have an issue with that, or even know what it means. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2017, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/5 "2017-10-03T18:31:02Z")
Welcome to the SDMB. Why do people still think you are a Satanist or a gangster? Do you have facial tattoos or something? Anyway, no matter what your religious beliefs, I would think of something else to talk about on a first date. Since you mention that you have disassociated yourself from the metal scene, try to get dates from other women who are also not part of that scene. That way, none of your former compatriots who have ostracized you will have a chance to poor mouth you to prospective dates. And the general advice on dating still applies - wash your hair, brush your teeth, wear clean clothes, have a fund of jokes or anecdotes or topics you like to talk about (probably not including Native American spiritualism, at least not right away), and play the averages. It has been a while since I went on a first date, but “I hear you are a Nazi” wasn’t a common ice-breaker from the other party. So I might not be the best qualified to deal with that. Good luck to you anyway, and I hope this is big enough and not open-minded enough to be helpful. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2017, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/6 "2017-10-03T18:39:43Z")
Can I summarize the OP as: “I used to be a metalhead. Then my ex dumped me, so I dropped the metal and got religion. Except now my former friends are being jerks to me” All the stuff about metal, religion, politics, and women is a side issue. You need better friends. Drop the ones that treat you poorly and get better ones. Also, run on sentences make your post really hard to read. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2017, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/7 "2017-10-03T18:53:17Z")
> [@Caminandocuevro](#): > > I used to belong to a subculture of metal that was fairly liberal, I was not satanist, however I was very nonconformist/nihilists and I refused to follow all the constraints of social orders and all politics and all religions whilst at the same time holding my own views even on spiritualism, so it is fair to say that I have read and studied a considerable amount of what could be and is still considered as heresy though it was and is all purely for knowledge very little of it being applied to life’s road and not evil, now this was going all good and well until I met who is now my ex-fiancee as she pointed out that me going to metal gigs all these years and now at this age which was my middle-late 30s was getting more than childish which even now I utterly agree with her, then one night after her and I had split up I had an epiphany which led me to drastically change my ways to such an extent that I chose a religion which is completely despised by my once compatriots, the result was I ended up being ostracised and the consensus became the agenda to drive me out of everything, religion, spiritualism even work on top of which I found out that many people had me down as a fascist ideologist though I must have mentioned that I am nihilist/nonconformist like a thousand times. Judging by your writing style, with it’s lack of sentence structure, and allergy to ending sentences with a period, I am going to deduce that in-person you may possibly present yourself in a similar manner, with energetic discursive word vomits, which frankly takes a lot of energy to be around, so it may not be the actual content of your musical tastes or spirituality or need for non-conformity or rejection of square society that is pushing people away, it may be your hyper manic presentation? Just a thought. Maybe seek some help with this? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2017, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/8 "2017-10-03T20:40:17Z")
Showing advice for _ **cuervo caminando** _ Search instead for caminandocuevro ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2017, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/9 "2017-10-03T22:14:40Z")
> [@Caminandocuevro](#): > > things get so bad to date that twelve women who all once reciprocated my advance and some who still do will are forced to stay away from me and I am no misogynist so big answers please and none of this open-minded crap. If a dozen women who used to respond to you now all stay away from you, and your associates think you’re a facist, I’m willing to bet something more than unconventional religious beliefs is afoot here. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2017, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/10 "2017-10-03T23:23:42Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > Judging by your writing style, with it’s lack of sentence structure, and allergy to ending sentences with a period, I am going to deduce that in-person you may possibly present yourself in a similar manner, with energetic discursive word vomits, which frankly takes a lot of energy to be around, so it may not be the actual content of your musical tastes or spirituality or need for non-conformity or rejection of square society that is pushing people away, it may be your hyper manic presentation? Just a thought. Heh. Seriously though, in my experience, a person’s writing style and speaking style rarely have anything in common with each other. [To the OP]: Just curious – which genre of metal are we talking about? Which bands? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2017, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/11 "2017-10-04T18:56:11Z")
Advice: You can’t change what other people think, so quit trying. Get comfortable with yourself. > [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > Also, run on sentences make your post really hard to read. Diagnosis: perimenopausal OP primary symptom: infrequent periods. ---
**Author:** ![lifespill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/edb3f5/32.png) [@lifespill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lifespill)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2017, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/12 "2017-10-05T03:04:23Z")
You cant direct control other’s toughts about you.What you can do is to make think they’re wrong.If they feel bad about you make them wrong and be worst and if they feel good about you make them feel better. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2017, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/13 "2017-10-05T04:54:38Z")
Move to a new city, where you start with a blank slate. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2017, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/14 "2017-10-05T11:33:49Z")
Live your life in such a way that when others think of honesty and integrity they envision you. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2017, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/15 "2017-10-05T16:14:45Z")
> [@Caminandocuevro](#): > > … I found out that many people had me down as a fascist ideologist though I must have mentioned that I am nihilist/nonconformist like a thousand times. > So After some time all the action I was getting stopped though I gave up promiscuity and still wanting to marry the right woman now, finally the rumors became so bad… You are wildly overestimating how much other people think about you or what you believe. ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2017, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-people-thinking-the-worst-of-me/797885/16 "2017-10-05T17:28:20Z")
You are probably not going to ever be able to start over with a clean slate with the crowd, or even the area, where you spent so many years being someone else. If you really want to start over I would suggest relocating. Start with a new town and they’ll only know about you what you present today, and not what you were doing 5 - 10 years ago.