# How do I stop spending all my time here? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 18, 2004, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512 "2004-11-18T19:00:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/41 "2004-11-19T11:24:48Z")
You can’t limit. Oh you think you can but you can’t. Just look at the last poster and myself. It is past midnight. We are both still here. Stay away 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/42 "2004-11-19T11:42:22Z")
Hey! No-one was supposed to mention the rituals! Now you’ve got the newbies _and_ the goats spooked! BTW, **Keapon Laffin** , what’s this about an exit ritual? No-one ever mentioned an _exit_ ritual to me. > [@Johnathan Chance](#): > > Become an experienced Doper and you’ll learn discipline. It just takes time. Bwahahaha! _snerk_ :: pause :: Bwa-ha-ha-ha haaa… > [@smartini](#): > > Sure, an hour a day at work should give you about all the time you need here. What? Only an hour? Sometimes it takes me an hour just to compose one post! [sub]not necessarily at work, of course[/sub] Oh wait. I just reread your post, **smartini**. _nods_ All is clear now. In my experience, this place is a slippery slope… …to erudite _doooom!!!_ :: krak-THOOOM :: You’ll never be able to take things for granted again! You’ll demand cites and explanations of reasoning from all sorts of authorities! You’ll start babbling in-jokes and visiting DopeFests and thinking, everytime you see some odd thing in the news, “Man, I gotta post that on the boards…” When the illness becomes serious, you’ll start _instigating_ DopeFests. I understand that some of the most seriously-afflicted have _married_ other Dopers, and have effectively locked themselves _and their future families_ in for life. Me, I woke up at 4AM and the first thing I did was fire up the computer and jump on the boards. I keep telling myself I should get ready for work. Any minute now… Just one more post preview… ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/43 "2004-11-19T11:50:06Z")
> [@calm kiwi](#): > > You can’t limit. Oh you think you can but you can’t. > > Just look at the last poster and myself. It is past midnight. We are both still here. > > Stay away 😃 Still only drinking beer, though. Some cocktail party this turned out to be. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/44 "2004-11-19T12:01:12Z")
Steinlager, Lion Red or that “real southern man stuff” though? None of the above works better 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/45 "2004-11-19T12:35:37Z")
Getting over a heroin/crack/coffee/chocolate speedball addiction would be easier and less painful than trying to break oneself away from this place. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/46 "2004-11-19T12:56:56Z")
Listen to that **Shirley** woman. She tells the truth. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/47 "2004-11-19T13:06:35Z")
> [@calm kiwi](#): > > Steinlager, Lion Red or that “real southern man stuff” though? None of the above works better 😃 New Zealand Lager: $10.99 for a dozen at Foodtown. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/48 "2004-11-19T13:50:16Z")
The only antidote to the SDMB is getting hit with a 1920’s style Death Ray. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/49 "2004-11-19T14:02:58Z")
Come to the light **jgroub** , come to the light. We are waiting. ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/50 "2004-11-19T14:49:40Z")
Hello, my name is Phall, and I’m a Doper. The key in overcoming my addiction is to accept that I am powerless in my addiction. I am powerless to overcome the overwhelming urge to click on my Favorite link which will take me to other Dopers who are experiencing the same addiction. I am helpless in my fight against the resistance of the entire Doper experience. I’ve given over my addictive behavior to a higher power, and that higher power’s name is Cecil. Now, I just take it one day at a time. No offense intended to anyone who is participating in any ten step program, or who is overcoming addictions of any kind. Actually, if I’m limited to dial up on the weekends while at home, I don’t bother signing on, since it takes forever to move from one area to the next. I do, however, find myself saying, “Oh, I heard from one of the Dopers \” I don’t get the least bit defensive when I say, “Oh, no, I don’t mean Dopers as in _drugs_.” :smack: ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/51 "2004-11-19T16:13:45Z")
Welcome to the Hotel California of Internet forums. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/52 "2004-11-19T16:22:08Z")
I checked out once. In 1960. For twenty minutes… ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/53 "2004-11-19T16:23:09Z")
…but I never left. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/54 "2004-11-19T17:37:55Z")
Did a quick search on Google Searching Eagle’s words “Warm smell of colitas” The phase sounds absurb. Coming up on the blank screen I saw an interesting link I positioned the mouse over it And I clicked in a blink. Well, it was the Internet And you never can tell I was thinking to myself: This could be Heaven or this could be Hell I registered as a “Guest” The link showed me the way. There were theads all over the page Thought I heard them say: Hey! Welcome to the Straight Dope Message Boards Cecil Adams’s place (Cecil Adams’s place) Hang out in Cyberspace Plenty of threads on the Straight Dope Message Boards Any time of year (Any time of year) You find Dopers here. Her name is Lynn Bondini She takes care of the Pit She tells people to bring chocolate And then they can say “shit.” How they post at the Straight Dope And scream for a cite Some posters are real jerks. Most are really bright. So I started a new thead About wasting my time. They replied: We’ve had the same people here Since 1999. And still those damn threads are calling from far away Make you post in the middle of the night just to hear them say: Welcome to the Straight Dope Message Boards Cecil Adams’s place (Cecil Adams’s place) Hang out in Cyberspace We’re posting all day on the Straight Dope Message Boards It’s a crying shame (It’s a crying shame) Come get your Doper name. All of the posters here We have a secret vice: We are all just prisoners here Of our own device. And in Cafe Society They talk of arts and feasts And in the Great Debates they scream Over who’s the Bible’s Beast. Last thing I remember I was clicking With my left and my right hand. I had to find the passage out Before I found myself banned. “Relax” said TubaDiva. “The computer’s programmed to receive You can logout anytime you like But you will never leave.” ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/55 "2004-11-19T17:43:02Z")
Brava! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/56 "2004-11-19T17:51:14Z")
Wow. Just…wow. Encore! (holds lighter over head) ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/57 "2004-11-19T17:51:49Z")
_clap_ _clap_ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/58 "2004-11-19T19:48:55Z")
That was awesome, **Annie-Xmas**. You ought to record it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/59 "2004-11-19T19:55:08Z")
Do Freebird!!! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512/60 "2004-11-20T14:30:03Z")
Thanks, Dopers. I’d like to hear a version, but sung by anybody else in the world. And thanks to **ccwaterback** for the “Hotel California” idea, and to **Unca Cecil** himself for doing a column on “colitas.” Tying the two ideas together was easy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-stop-spending-all-my-time-here/275512.md?page=4)