# How do i tell her i love her? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 29, 2003, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373 "2003-05-29T21:33:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BlueMidget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@BlueMidget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueMidget)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/1 "2003-05-29T21:33:43Z")
I’ve had to set up a whole new account just to do this (shes a fellow doper!!!) OK we’ve been together nigh on two months (not long, i know but still…) and a while ago it just clicked for me, and I’ve felt like this ever since 🙂 I really really wanna tell her how i feel, but i don’t want it to sound like I’m asking “dyou wanna have sex?” cos it’s not like that at all - I really do love her… I’m kinda shy too, so don’t tell me to march up to her and say “I love you!” cos one - it isn’t the right way to go about it (IMHO) and two - i couldn’t!!! Any help much appreciated!!! ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/2 "2003-05-29T21:36:51Z")
Hm. Why not post a question in IMHO that you’re dating a doper, knowing full well she’s likely to read it? That way, you don’t even have to ask her! She’ll just read it, suspect it could be you and magically know how you feel. Try something like that. ---
**Author:** ![BlueMidget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@BlueMidget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueMidget)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/3 "2003-05-29T21:41:46Z")
Not my style 😛 I’m thinking more face to face! ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/4 "2003-05-29T21:50:46Z")
Well, for starters, I wouldn’t get another account. Just saying those three magic words to her face should do the trick. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/5 "2003-05-29T21:51:42Z")
A. Why not just tell her? Wait for a moment of silence and say “I love you”? B. Do you know that opening two acounts on the SDMB is pretty strictly forbidden? Quite understandable in this case, but you might want to consider emailing a mod, pleading ignorance, and asking for this thread to be closed. You might be able to ask a friend to set up an account and ask on your behalf, I don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![BlueMidget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@BlueMidget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueMidget)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/6 "2003-05-29T21:55:18Z")
oops… sorry mods, i didn’t realise!!! Anyway I’ll see what I can do tomorrow… ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/7 "2003-05-29T23:04:06Z")
If you really truly love her, then it will just be natural for you to say it. You shouldn’t have to think twice about it. ---
**Author:** ![Susanann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@Susanann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susanann)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/8 "2003-05-30T02:37:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by roadkiller \* > \*\*If you really truly love her, then it will just be natural for you to say it. You shouldn’t have to think twice about it. \*\* Ditto. Why cant you just say what you feel, and feel what you say? Let me guess, you dont complement her either on a daily basis? ---
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/9 "2003-05-30T03:06:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Susanann \* > \*\*Ditto. Why cant you just say what you feel, and feel what you say? Let me guess, you dont complement her either on a daily basis? \*\* It’s tough for guys to say how they feel. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/10 "2003-05-30T06:13:47Z")
Not _always_. I’d just find the right moment and say what comes naturally… this is something you want to do your own way, **Blue Midget**. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Mean\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Guy)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/11 "2003-05-30T06:22:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by roadkiller \* > \*\*If you really truly love her, then it will just be natural for you to say it. You shouldn’t have to think twice about it. \*\* I don’t agree. It can be very frightening for some people to say those words, especially if they’re uncertain whether their partner will say them back. Saying “I love you” to someone who refuses to say “I love you too” is a form of rejection, and it can be very painful. Do it the cowardly way – that’s what I’ve always done. Feel her out; start a conversation about love. Ask her how she defines it – how she “knows” when she’s in love with someone. Ask her about the other times she’s been in love. How long does it take for her to reach that point in a relationship? If you’re lucky she’ll drop you a hint or two and you can find a good opening to say those magic words. And don’t say “I love you” the first time! It’s way too direct and might have an undesirable startling effect on your SO. Soften it up a little. Try this: “There’s something I want you to know – I don’t expect you to say anything right now, but I need to get it off my chest. I think I might be falling in love with you.” Even wimpier, try writing this in an email. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![BonoVox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@BonoVox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BonoVox)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/12 "2003-05-30T07:11:27Z")
BAH!!! Grab her by the hand, look her in the eye, and say it!! Don’t waver or hem and haw about. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/13 "2003-05-30T07:48:31Z")
I don’t mean to dis someone else’s advice, but for the love of god, DON’T say it in an e-mail. Not the first time! I’d even advise against the phone unless it’s totally necessary. If you really feel this way - and I acknowledge all the potential pain in the situation - be brave and say it to her face. It does make a difference. ---
**Author:** ![Pixelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ad7895/32.png) [@Pixelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixelle)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/14 "2003-05-30T09:55:30Z")
It wouldn’t bother me at all if someone said it in an e-mail. If that’s the only way they felt comfortable saying it for the first time that’s fine by me. But generally speaking I don’t think an e-mail would go over too well with most women. **Blue Midget** if you’re a bit reticent to say it to her face why not send her a really nice bunch of flowers and just write _I love you_ on the card 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/15 "2003-05-30T10:38:43Z")
Uhhmmm. Some of us women are pretty dense about love ourselves. I know because I was “just good friends” with a guy for three years before I learned he’d fallen in love with me the day we met. No, I didn’t manage to get a single hint, not even when he bought me roses because I was stressed out. Tell her. Yes, it may be terrifying, but tell her. Face it, loving her but not being able to tell her can’t be much fun, either. At least this way you’ll know. If she’s worth loving, even if she doesn’t love you, she won’t be rude. One thing, if she’s as dense as I was (poor soul!), she may not know how to handle it. I know that when I realized that when this old friend of mine said, “I love you” he meant it romantically, I was thoroughly confused for about 3 days before I realized I loved him, too. While we never quite married, it turned out to be a wonderful romance. Go for it. Don’t think about what you have to lose, but what you have to gain. Surely the prospect of gaining the heaven that is love is worth the risk. CJ Go for it!!! ---
**Author:** ![Susanann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@Susanann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susanann)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/16 "2003-05-30T12:00:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mean Guy \* > \*\*I don’t agree. It can be very frightening for some people to say those words, …it can be very painful. > > Do it the cowardly way – that’s what I’ve always done. And don’t say “I love you” the first time! It’s way too direct …" Even wimpier, try writing this in an email. > > \*\* 90% of all men are either wimps or liars. Half of them are liars and say “I love you” when they dont mean it just to get sex, and the other half dont say “I love you” until the relationship is ending and its too late. 99% of all women want someone who is honest and who is not a wimp. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/17 "2003-05-30T12:14:20Z")
47% of statistics are made up on the spot. ---
**Author:** ![bafaa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e480ec/32.png) [@bafaa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bafaa)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/18 "2003-05-30T13:37:51Z")
Before you say anything to her have a friend ask her if she just likes you or if she likes you likes you. Or just pull her hair. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/19 "2003-05-30T13:58:38Z")
Its a two step process: 1. Show her you love her. Then… 2. Tell her you love her. PS- Remembering the right order of the steps could save you a restraining order. ---
**Author:** ![Mentor\_and\_Liar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Mentor\_and\_Liar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mentor_and_Liar)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373/20 "2003-05-30T14:16:08Z")
BlueMidget: Just walk right up to her, look her directly in the knees, and say those three words she longs to hear; “You’re the smurfiest.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/178373.md?page=2)