# How do I tell if a woman is a lesbian? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 15, 2001, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489 "2001-11-15T07:04:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/21 "2001-11-16T01:56:22Z")
I think you should proceed on the assumption that she’s not a lesbian. If you score then either she’s not a lesbian or _you scored with a lesbian_ which is even better in a way. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/22 "2001-11-16T01:59:55Z")
Sensible shoes. If you aren’t ready to make your move, and want to be subtle about the talking thing, try asking the question like this “So what makes a romantic relationship good for you?” Follow up with “And what kind of person do you see yourself with?” See - gender neutral. Friendly. Non-judgemental. Leaves an opening for you if she indicates you are the kind of person she is interested in, allows you to save face if she perfers the company of women. ---
**Author:** ![jabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/db5fbb/32.png) [@jabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabe)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/23 "2001-11-16T02:28:33Z")
I wish I was a lesbian. Yeah, they get so much done in a day! peace, JB ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/24 "2001-11-16T03:27:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*Like maybe if we all wore striped socks or something. \*\* Whoa! Shades of Pippi Longstocking…well, okay, but the perky braids are _out_. Back to the OP: some few, fortunate folks have infallible radar (or gaydar) but the rest of us just muddle along. You like her for her company as well as being interested “that way”, right? Sounds to me like _gossip_ is the main problem. Why let gossip damage what’s already a friendship? The corner whisperers are comic relief. Maybe she’s straight and “the one” for you. Maybe she’s straight but the two of you just don’t click. Maybe she IS gay but hell, your life’s still been enriched by a friend. Veb ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/25 "2001-11-16T05:55:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dangerosa \* > \*\*Sensible shoes. > \*\* Holy guacamole! I’m a lesbian! ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/26 "2001-11-16T06:05:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Green Bean \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Dangerosa \* > > \*\*Sensible shoes. > > \*\* > > Holy guacamole! I’m a lesbian! \*\* Hey, **I’m** not complaining… ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/27 "2001-11-16T06:17:04Z")
Ooo! Now I feel all warm and tingly! ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/28 "2001-11-16T06:41:37Z")
Oh no! I must be a lesbian too! I have all these sensible shoes. (I didn’t want to end up like my mom and older sister, who insisted on wearing high heels, and eventually had to have painful foot surgery.) One of my oldest friends came out of the closet a few years ago. (I’ve known her since she was 4.) I had no idea beforehand. No “signs”. Sometimes you just don’t know! I will second the person who said that some guys will say a girl is gay when she won’t go out with them. So - who cares what the other guys say? They may be just rejected suitors. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/29 "2001-11-16T15:51:33Z")
Wednesday I went to a pizza party & asked a young lady if she had a boyfriend & she said ‘no’ so I asked her if she had a girlfriend & she said ‘no, I’m straight’ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jmonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dbc845/32.png) [@jmonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jmonster)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/30 "2001-11-16T22:14:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jabe \* > I wish I was a lesbian. [LW3] You mean you wish you **were** a lesbian. [/LW3] ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/31 "2001-11-16T22:27:10Z")
I wish there were a way to tell if a girl is a lesbian or bi other than just asking her. After the forced into a lesbian lovathon thread, I’ve become curious again. The problem being is that I like very girly girls and it’s difficult to tell if they-um MIGHT like girls. I would hate to ask another girl out and not know if she’a lesbian or bi. That would be VERY uncomfortable. Maybe the striped socks would be a good idea… ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/32 "2001-11-16T23:30:12Z")
Ok now I am just confused! One of my best friends who is a lesbian just asked me out to dinner tomorrow night. She knows I am a gay man, so is she trying to make me a lesbian? Do I have shoes sensible enough to be a lesbian? See what y’all have done? Shame on all of you. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/33 "2001-11-16T23:58:50Z")
How do you know if a woman is a lesbian? She has a vagina. (Sorry. Really sackin’ track record here… ☹ ) ---
**Author:** ![ModernRonin2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@ModernRonin2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ModernRonin2)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/34 "2001-11-17T02:01:05Z")
**swampbear** _Ok now I am just confused! One of my best friends who is a lesbian just asked me out to dinner tomorrow night. She knows I am a gay man, so is she trying to make me a lesbian? Do I have shoes sensible enough to be a lesbian? See what y’all have done? Shame on all of you._ Well, swampbear, have you ever considered the possiblity that you might be… A LESBIAN TRAPPED IN A MAN’S BODY?? :eek: Sorry, sorry, I just had to say it… 😃 Oh yeah, to the OP - there are people who are “touchy-feely.” There are people who are lesbians. Sometimes the two traits intersect, sometimes not. Like everyone says, there’s only one way to know - ask them. -Ben ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/35 "2001-11-17T02:21:13Z")
“So when’s the operation, Handy?” On, no, matt, it’s not necessary. WHen I was born the doctor picked me up & said to my folks 'It’s a lesbian!" ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/36 "2001-11-17T03:23:31Z")
Modernronin2 quote: Well, swampbear, have you ever considered the possiblity that you might be… A LESBIAN TRAPPED IN A MAN’S BODY?? Could it be that’s what my Lesbian buddy wants to find out? Should I go buy a pair of Birkenstocks just in case? Inquiring minds wanna know. ---
**Author:** ![Genseric](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Genseric](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genseric)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/37 "2001-11-17T04:18:47Z")
Ask her in a roundabout way. “Does it remain false that you aren’t any longer not a former lesbian?” ---
**Author:** ![Palve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a698b9/32.png) [@Palve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palve)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/38 "2001-11-17T04:58:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by handy \* > \*\*“I really wish that there were a usniversal standard way to tell someone was a lesbian. It would make my life easier. Like maybe if we all wore striped socks or something.” > > Yeah, or maybe a red, white, brown,Etc. hanky in the back pocket 🙂 \*\* Elvira Kurt (a lesbian comédienne) said it would be easier for us if they were all green or something. But oh well. It’s difficult to sense homosexuality from appearance or behavior (unless he/she always wears a t-shirt that says “Kiss me I’m gay”). “Gaydar” is simply not feasible. Talking is the best solution. Try to steer a conversation toward past relationships. That usually works, and you don’t run the risk of going out with her if you’re just curious. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/39 "2001-11-17T06:01:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by handy \* > \*\*“So when’s the operation, Handy?” > > On, no, matt, it’s not necessary. WHen I was born the doctor picked me up & said to my folks 'It’s a lesbian!" \*\* I don’t suppose it’s worth at all explaining to you how the whole “lesbian in a man’s body” thing is spectacularly offensive? Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![Niobium\_Knight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc8723/32.png) [@Niobium\_Knight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Niobium_Knight)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489/40 "2001-11-17T06:18:30Z")
tell her you’ve just had your house re-carpetted and it tastes great. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-i-tell-if-a-woman-is-a-lesbian/93489.md?page=3)