# How do kids & teens get the idea that they can't go to any adults for help? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 21, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-kids-teens-get-the-idea-that-they-cant-go-to-any-adults-for-help/568470 "2011-01-21T17:23:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 2\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-kids-teens-get-the-idea-that-they-cant-go-to-any-adults-for-help/568470/61 "2011-01-27T07:36:10Z")
> [@norinew](#): > > I think it’s super-important to let your kids know that, no matter what, you have their back. That’s one of the _main_ reasons why, when **mudgirl** was sexually molested at the age of 9, the first thing I did was call the cops. Of course, one of the main reasons she immediately came into the house and told me about the abuse was that she already _knew_ I had her back. No matter what. I’ve had occasion lately to reflect a lot on my childhood, and no one had my back. I honestly can’t remember anyone sticking up for me, ever. My brother could do anything to me; pin me down on the ground for a half hour, call me any name, intentionally break my toys, threaten to hide my viola to get me kicked out of the junior symphony. It was never anything as major as molestation, but my mother’s answer was always “you’re old enough to settle these things between yourselves”, or “he’s only doing that because he knows it bothers you”. The lesson of my childhood is that I’m not worth standing up for. **norinew** , keep taking such great care of mudgirl. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-kids-teens-get-the-idea-that-they-cant-go-to-any-adults-for-help/568470/62 "2011-01-27T23:28:13Z")
> [@Ruby Sees](#): > > My ex beat the living shit out of me. I question myself why I let him, why I didn’t leave, blah blah blah. I give myself such a hard time for never reporting it and wondering why I didn’t. But I have been assaulted and molested at other times and I never reported those either. It’s just not my nature and I was never taught how to do it, taught how to trust that the person I would tell would be outraged on my behalf and fight for me as well. I didn’t tell because it would embarrassing to tell whatever happened and I felt ultimately fruitless; who would believe me, who would help me? There’s always going to be someone saying ‘Well why didn’t you just tell someone?’ or ‘Why didn’t you phone the police straight away?’ ‘Why didn’t you go to HR?’ ‘Why didn’t you report it when it happened?’ It’s usually a pretty good indication that they either grew up in a supportive environment, or that they’ve lived a pretty trouble-free life. (I don’t want to complicate this further, but sometimes the reaction is also split down lines of gender, ethnicity and class.) Malcom Gladwell touches on it, a bit, in his books, these kids raised believing they have a right to ask for help, to question authority, and that the world is theirs to navigate. I feel like, lately, we hear a lot about spoiled, bratty kids and overly protective parents, but not so much from the alternative. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-kids-teens-get-the-idea-that-they-cant-go-to-any-adults-for-help/568470.md?page=3)