# How do people find a sex partner?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874
**Category:** Factual Questions
**Created:** [April 30, 2015, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874 "2015-04-30T06:11:34Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Umbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Umbridge)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/1 "2015-04-30T06:11:34Z")
No, I am not interested in a sex partner myself. Don’t even ask or assume anything about me.
I just want to know how people find sex partners and what are the implications of a sex partner.
Is a sex partner just a code word for casual sex?
Is there any long-term, permanent commitment involved?
Where do people find sex partners?
How long does it take for both individuals to have sex?
How do people ask one another for sex?
Where do people ask for sex?
How well do the sex partners typically know each other?
Would our parents be considered sex partners to each other or spouses?
How is a sex partner different from a girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife/friends with benefits?
I have a deep suspicion that “sex partner” is a code word for casual sex or non-committal sex.
---
### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/2 "2015-04-30T06:15:42Z")
Here we go again.
Please do us all a favor, and go out and get laid.
---
### Author:  [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/3 "2015-04-30T06:19:38Z")
> [@Umbridge](#):
>
> No, I am not interested in a sex partner myself.
As I mentioned over in the other thread, I have a hard time believing that you’re this interested in something that you’re not interested in.
---
### Author:  [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/4 "2015-04-30T06:20:03Z")
They buy one at the sex partner store. Every town has one.
:rolleyes:
---
### Author:  [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/5 "2015-04-30T06:36:33Z")
You can make one yourself. You just need Plastic tubes and pots and pans, Bits and pieces and the, Magic from the hand. Things Ive never seen before behind bolted doors, Talent and imagination and some weird science.
---
### Author:  [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/6 "2015-04-30T06:53:46Z")
Glad to see the desire to share knowledge is raging strongly today among the denizens of the SDMB.
> [@Umbridge](#):
>
> Is a sex partner just a code word for casual sex?
I have mostly heard the term “sex partner” used in the medical sense of, “a person with whom you have had sex”, so that STDs can be reported to them.
I am not aware of it having any non-literal meaning.
> [@](#):
>
> Is there any long-term, permanent commitment involved?
N/A. See previous.
> [@](#):
>
> Where do people find sex partners?
General through social activities. During the activity, they’ll notice someone to whom they are attracted, chat them up, ask them (or be asked) out on a date, date (which can lead to sex), and perhaps marry (which also can lead to sex).
> [@](#):
>
> How long does it take for both individuals to have sex?
One would expect that it takes the same amount of time for both participants…? I don’t understand the question.
> [@](#):
>
> How do people ask one another for sex?
Depends on the person. But my guess would be that for most initial cases, no explicit question is asked. Rather, the dominant partner gets progressively more physical as the evening continues and if the recipient of all of the attention seems happy with what is happening, then this will continue to build up to sex.
> [@](#):
>
> Where do people ask for sex?
Depends on the person and their relationship with their partner.
> [@](#):
>
> How well do the sex partners typically know each other?
Since it’s a technical term, encompassing all people who have sex, it’s likely that a large percentage are married couples.
> [@](#):
>
> Would our parents be considered sex partners to each other or spouses?
Either/or, depending on context.
> [@](#):
>
> How is a sex partner different from a girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife/friends with benefits?
See first answer.
> [@](#):
>
> I have a deep suspicion that “sex partner” is a code word for casual sex or non-committal sex.
Not that I am aware of. It’s a generic label, like saying “partner” for someone that someone is dating, instead of saying “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. “Partner” allows you to gloss over what the genders of the people in the relationship are and simply specify what the relationship is. “Sex partner” allows you to ignore the relationship (marriage, dating, swinging, etc.) and simply specify that sex has occurred since, in a medical setting, really that’s all that they care about.
---
### Author:  [@The\_Joker\_and\_the\_Thief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Joker_and_the_Thief)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/7 "2015-04-30T07:04:18Z")
> [@Umbridge](#):
>
> How do people ask one another for sex?
I am proud to be able to answer such an alien and mechanical question with an in-kind and authoritative response.
[QUOTE=David Bernstein]
The vast, vast majority of “sexual contact or behavior” is initiated with only _implicit consent._ [UPDATE: There is one type of sexual relationship that, as I understand it, involves primarily explicit consent–the relationship between a prostitute and her (or his) clients, with exact sexual services to be provided determined by explicit agreement in advance.]
[/QUOTE]
[Source.](http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/volokh-conspiracy/wp/2014/06/23/you-are-a-rapist-yes-you/)
What this means, to put it in extremely explicit terms, is that sex is a gradual progression of physical actions. So, for example, one partner may touch the other, and then they kiss, and then they have sex (some steps skipped).
---
### Author:  [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/8 "2015-04-30T07:14:45Z")
**Umbridge** , there are some things that cannot be understood without actually experiencing them. Sex is one of those things.
---
### Author:  [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/9 "2015-04-30T07:43:05Z")
The [Wiki article](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_partner) seems to be written in more-or-less fluent Umbridgian, so you might want to start there.
Hope this helps. Although I somehow doubt it.
---
### Author:  [@Umbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Umbridge)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/10 "2015-04-30T10:04:12Z")
> [@The\_Joker\_and\_the\_Thief](#):
>
> I am proud to be able to answer such an alien and mechanical question with an in-kind and authoritative response.
>
> [Source.](http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/volokh-conspiracy/wp/2014/06/23/you-are-a-rapist-yes-you/)
> What this means, to put it in extremely explicit terms, is that sex is a gradual progression of physical actions. So, for example, one partner may touch the other, and then they kiss, and then they have sex (some steps skipped).
I see. If sex occurs by so-called “implicit consent”, then that doesn’t sound much different from sexual harassment, in which you behave in a sexually inappropriate manner in front of someone, and expect that the other person responds favorably. Believe me, I have seen people behaving in a sexually suggestive manner in videos about workplace sexual harassment. Thanks for clearing that up.
I suppose it is best to date someone in a public place and not in a person’s house for safety reasons. Also, it may be safer to date during the morning, not at night. And it may be useful to know how to explicitly refuse consent. Responding favorably can easily send the wrong message.
---
### Author:  [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/11 "2015-04-30T10:10:06Z")
If the recipient of the attention is not interested, and the more assertive person persists, then it is harassment. Believe it or not, many people invite and encourage sexual advances from persons whom they know and trust.
If you are legitimate I have never encountered a person so fascinated, frightened and misinformed about human sexual behavior.
---
### Author:  [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/12 "2015-04-30T10:15:32Z")
> [@Umbridge](#):
>
> I see. If sex occurs by so-called “implicit consent”, then that doesn’t sound much different from sexual harassment, in which you behave in a sexually inappropriate manner in front of someone, and expect that the other person responds favorably.
What answers are you looking for? “Yes. All sex is either sexual harassment or rape. Intimacy is always immoral, and all men are sexual predators.”
Is that your agenda, under all that play-acting? I gave you a ton of benefit of the doubt in the other thread, and now I’m starting to feel like a sucker.
Come on. Tell us what this is really about.
---
### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/13 "2015-04-30T10:18:12Z")
Craigslist.
---
### Author:  [@Umbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Umbridge)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/14 "2015-04-30T10:21:36Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#):
>
> If the recipient of the attention is not interested, and the more assertive person persists, then it is harassment. Believe it or not, many people invite and encourage sexual advances from persons whom they know and trust.
That is exactly the thing that can go wrong. I remember reading a story on the Casual Sex Project about a guy who “grooms” or attempts to make her trust him, and then using her as a mere “fuck buddy”, as if she is only good for sex. I feel sorry for the girl. She probably thought the sex would mean a marriage proposal, but instead she got tricked.
> [@](#):
>
> If you are legitimate I have never encountered a person so fascinated, frightened and misinformed about human sexual behavior.
No, I believe that acceptable “human sexual behavior” depends on the cultural context.
---
### Author:  [@Umbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Umbridge)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/15 "2015-04-30T10:28:03Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#):
>
> What answers are you looking for? “Yes. All sex is either sexual harassment or rape. Intimacy is always immoral, and all men are sexual predators.”
>
> Is that your agenda, under all that play-acting? I gave you a ton of benefit of the doubt in the other thread, and now I’m starting to feel like a sucker.
>
> Come on. Tell us what this is really about.
No, I do not believe in the above quote.
I thought there are culture-bound ways to express intimacy. Instead of initiating sexual behavior, an intimate move may be getting to know a person’s parents and seeking their approval, because you would be joining their family someday.
---
### Author:  [@Umbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Umbridge)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/16 "2015-04-30T10:39:10Z")
That would be a way to give explicit intentions about the relationship.
It may be good to get both parents aware as well for additional security that the person is truly serious.
---
### Author:  [@RiCu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RiCu)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/17 "2015-04-30T10:43:59Z")
Hi again.
No, you would not approach someone’s parents before initiating a sexual (or any other kind) relationship with someone. Once people are old enough to have sex, their parents have very little to do with making any kind of choices for them (sexual or otherwise). I don’t think parents want that level of information about their children anyway! (This is true here in the West, I know parents are more hands on in other cultures).
---
### Author:  [@RiCu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RiCu)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/18 "2015-04-30T10:46:31Z")
An enormous majority of the time sex between unmarried couples is spontaneous, what you’re suggesting would be a bit of a mood killer and completely inappropriate for two adults who are capable of making their own decisions.
---
### Author:  [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/19 "2015-04-30T10:47:53Z")
> [@Umbridge](#):
>
> That would be a way to give explicit intentions about the relationship.
>
> It may be good to get both parents aware as well for additional security that the person is truly serious.
Premarital sex is not your thing, them, I surmise. OK, check. Ye olde ideas about going by way of parents to ask for someone’s hand… Wow, that’s one you don’t see every day. Not sure what to think about that.
Are arranged marriages OK in your book?
---
### Author:  [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)
#### Post date: [April 30, 2015, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874/20 "2015-04-30T10:51:20Z")
How old is Umbridge? 14?
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-people-find-a-sex-partner/718874.md?page=2)