# How do u tell one of your best friends that your a lesbian and u have a crush on her? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 15, 2004, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811 "2004-11-15T03:27:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![xtremefreak612](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/71c47a/32.png) [@xtremefreak612](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xtremefreak612)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/1 "2004-11-15T03:27:00Z")
i just dont understand how she would understand how u were feeling. i mean she would freak out because u have been recognizing her as more than a friend. i just dont know how i could let her know and not make her uncomfortable. somebody please tell me! ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/2 "2004-11-15T03:35:39Z")
Just take my advice, based solely on your post here: Don’t try putting it in writing. ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/3 "2004-11-15T03:44:38Z")
Umm, maybe start with the lesbian part first. No need to scare her off by telling her you having a crush on her. Try humor, that always works. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/4 "2004-11-15T03:59:57Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Just take my advice, based solely on your post here: Don’t try putting it in writing. Come on, that was cheap. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/5 "2004-11-15T04:11:02Z")
> [@ParentalAdvisory](#): > > Come on, that was cheap. Very. Bad form, **jsgoddess**. ---
**Author:** ![My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/My_Darn_Snake_Legs)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/6 "2004-11-15T04:12:23Z")
Have you ever talked to her about other girls? Have you seen girls kissing in a movie (or after too many Jager-bombs) and see a reaction from her? A disgusted look or a “Yuck!” would probably mean that she’d not be interested. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/7 "2004-11-15T04:12:45Z")
Hmmm. Waht to do… Crack lesbian jokes and see if she laughs. Then tell her she’s got a beautiful smile. [Here are some to start you out](http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/1769/jokes.html) Q: What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? A: Fur-traders. Q: Two lesbians are walking down the street with their hands in each other’s pockets. What were they doing? A: Lip reading. Q: What do my girlfriend and Jack Daniels have in common? A: They are both hard liqours. Q: What do you call a lesbian with 10 girlfriends? A: A bush-hog! Q: What does an 80 year old lesbian taste like? A: Depends Q: Why do gay men like to have lesbian friends? A: Someone has to mow the yard. Q: How do you know if you have lesbians living next door? A: Frequent U Hauls in front of the house. Q: What does it mean when 2 lesbians have sex? A: It don’t mean dick! Q: What is the difference between a Wheat Thin and a lesbian? A: One is a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/8 "2004-11-15T04:18:18Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Q: How do you know if you have lesbians living next door? > A: Frequent U Hauls in front of the house. Ok, I don’t get this one. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/9 "2004-11-15T04:20:18Z")
This thread is better suited for [**In My Humble Opinion**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/forumdisplay.php?f=12). I’ll move it for you. Knock off the cheap shots, **jsgoddess**. **Cajun Man** for the SDMB ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/10 "2004-11-15T04:30:15Z")
Why do you feel that you need to tell her that you have a crush on her? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/11 "2004-11-15T04:36:07Z")
Dear **xtremefreak612** , Welcome to the SDMB. In answer to your question, I would recommend first telling her that you are a lesbian. Her response will help you figure out how to proceed, or whether to proceed at all. And while **jsgoddess** ’s comment may have been less than polite, she was making a valid point. I’m not sure how familiar you are with these boards, but we do generally use standard grammar, spelling, capitalization, and punctuation. I found your post nearly impossible to comprehend. I suspect that you’ll find a better reception here if you express yourself coherently. ---
**Author:** ![5\_time\_champ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/278dde/32.png) [@5\_time\_champ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5_time_champ)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/12 "2004-11-15T04:39:49Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by astro > > Q: How do you know if you have lesbians living next door? > A: Frequent U Hauls in front of the house. > [@Q.E.D.](#): > > Ok, I don’t get this one. I thought the UHaul punchline was: Q. What does a lesbian bring on the second date? A. A UHaul trailer. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/13 "2004-11-15T04:49:00Z")
Wow that sounds pretty hot. Sorry I can’t help ☹ ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/14 "2004-11-15T04:49:54Z")
Wow I thought I was rather mature and worldly but I sure don’t get _either_ U-Haul joke. And let’s not let our curiosity to figure out that joke make us forget about the original posting by **xtremefreak612**. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/15 "2004-11-15T04:52:35Z")
Why does it matter if you’re a lesbian? In my experience, guys that found out I liked them had no more problem with it than girls that know I like them. Except in the case of homophobes and bigots, I don’t think most people will really care… especially if you are their friend. And if they do, they aren’t a very good friend anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/16 "2004-11-15T05:09:33Z")
> [@wolf\_meister](#): > > Wow I thought I was rather mature and worldly but I sure don’t get _either_ U-Haul joke. I just checked a website or two— > [@](#): > > U-hauls–used to refer to lesbians who fall in love at first sight and move in right away with a new lover. This phenomenon is so well-known within the lesbian community that it resulted in the joke “What does a lesbian take on her second date? A U-haul.” Still not _funny_, but at least it’s not confusing. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/17 "2004-11-15T05:13:13Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > I just checked a website or two— > Still not _funny_, but at least it’s not confusing. Ah, thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/18 "2004-11-15T05:18:52Z")
And the gay male counterpart is Q: What does a gay man bring on a second date? A: What’s a second date? As to the OP, do you have any reason to believe that your friend is a lesbian? If not, then there is absolutely no point in telling her that you have a crush on her. Crushes fade over time. Friendships are much harder to cultivate. ---
**Author:** ![Freejooky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ba8739/32.png) [@Freejooky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freejooky)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/19 "2004-11-15T05:55:44Z")
Here’s a question - are you already a lesbian, having been with other women and had girlfriends in the past, or have you just now assumed/decided that you’re a lesbian because you have a crush on your friend? If it’s the latter, it’s completely normal, and doesn’t “make” you a lesbian. If anything, it’ll help - tell her you’re _not_ a lesbian, but you still have a crush/feelings for her. See where it goes from there. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811/20 "2004-11-15T07:52:25Z")
> [@5 time champ](#): > > I thought the UHaul punchline was: > Q. What does a lesbian bring on the second date? > A. A UHaul trailer. I didn’t get the first one either, and I STILL don’t get this one. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-u-tell-one-of-your-best-friends-that-your-a-lesbian-and-u-have-a-crush-on-her/274811.md?page=2)