# How do we control our urges? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 18, 2010, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520 "2010-04-18T09:53:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2010, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520/1 "2010-04-18T09:53:35Z")
On the TV just now I heard, “even when we are intelligent and self aware we can’t control our urges”. Corny, I know. But… There is no doubt that some people are better at control their impulses than others. Why is this? Likening people to cars for a moment. Imagine you have two cars. You put your foot on the brake, and on the accelerator in each car. One car moves, one doesn’t. You would put this down to one of two factors - either one car has stronger brakes than the other, or one has a more powerful engine. Now, for people, for those that have problems controlling their urges. Is it because they have worse impulse control, or is it because of stronger urges? And then, can we measure it and does it matter? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2010, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520/2 "2010-04-18T10:19:15Z")
I think willpower can be reduced to evolution and upbringing just like every other human (and animal) trait. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2010, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520/3 "2010-04-18T10:32:23Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > There is no doubt that some people are better at control their impulses than others. Why is this? > > \< snip \> > > Now, for people, for those that have problems controlling their urges. Is it because they have worse impulse control, or is it because of stronger urges? As far as I know, it can be either or both. We do have areas of the brain that produce urges, and others that suppress them; damage, drugs and trauma can affect both. > [@bengangmo](#): > > And then, can we measure it and does it matter? I’d think so. From my layman’s understanding, if someone has urges that are too strong you want to give them a drug that calms them down like a tranquilizer; but if their self control is weak you want to give them a stimulant to stimulate them. You certainly don’t want to give a stimulant to someone whose urges are already too strong for them. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520/4 "2010-04-18T15:27:19Z")
On a purely scientific level, impulse-control seems to be related to the frontal lobe of the brain. People who have damage to their frontal lobe often have issues with impulse control. It stands to reason, then, that people who exhibit difficulty controlling their impulses probably have something going on in the frontal lobe. To me, this would point to ‘‘weaker impulse control’’ vs. ‘‘stronger urges’’ but I’m not a neuroscientist. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2010, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520/5 "2010-04-18T15:32:16Z")
I think the first step to controlling urges is to realize that you don’t have to give in to them; if you watch enough tv and movies, you’ll get a skewed idea that every impulse must be acted on, and just say, “I couldn’t help myself!” afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520/6 "2010-04-18T16:25:00Z")
In my experience, people who are adept at _processing_ their feelings (including their desires) — taking note of them and thinking about them, as opposed to trying to suppress them OR just acting on them — are the best at integrating a consideration of consequences with a consideration of desires and acting in their own long-term as well as short-term interests. People with poor impulse control neither process nor suppress and tend to have short attention spans and not much self-contemplation; people with _generally_ good inpulse control which goes all to hell under certain provocation are generally suppressors and walk around with a secret belief that they are denying themselves lots of satisfaction that they’d otherwise have, and it makes them frustrated. (Your perceptions may differ) ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520/7 "2010-04-19T13:26:26Z")
Define “controlling your urges”. Is it enough to not act on the urges, or do you need to not have them any more to consider them controlled? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520/8 "2010-04-19T18:50:56Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > \people with _generally_ good inpulse control which goes all to hell under certain provocation are generally suppressors and walk around with a secret belief that they are denying themselves lots of satisfaction that they’d otherwise have, and it makes them frustrated.\ Are these people who aren’t very self-aware or very adept at processing their feelings? In other words, they just suppress, they don’t examine what they’re suppressing or why? ---
**Author:** ![PatriotGrrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9dc877/32.png) [@PatriotGrrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatriotGrrrl)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520/9 "2010-04-19T19:03:36Z")
Alcohol is known to lower people’s inhibitions and cause them to do or say things they otherwise wouldn’t. Other drugs may sometimes have a similar effect, but not as nearly as much or as universally as alcohol. Do we know why this is? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520/10 "2010-04-19T19:52:14Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > There is no doubt that some people are better at control their impulses than others. Why is this? > > Likening people to cars for a moment. > > Imagine you have two cars. You put your foot on the brake, and on the accelerator in each car. One car moves, one doesn’t. > > You would put this down to one of two factors - either one car has stronger brakes than the other, or one has a more powerful engine. > > Now, for people, for those that have problems controlling their urges. Is it because they have worse impulse control, or is it because of stronger urges? What about the steering wheel? Here’s an interesting article from the New Yorker called [Don’t! The secret of self-control](http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/05/18/090518fa_fact_lehrer?currentPage=all), about the famous Marshmallow Test. From what the article says, it sounds like maybe people who can control their urges can do so, not because they have weaker “engines” nor even necessarily because they have stronger “brakes,” but because they know how to divert their attention from those urges. > [@](#): > > At the time, psychologists assumed that children’s ability to wait depended on how badly they wanted the marshmallow. But it soon became obvious that every child craved the extra treat. What, then, determined self-control? Mischel’s conclusion, based on hundreds of hours of observation, was that the crucial skill was the “strategic allocation of attention.” Instead of getting obsessed with the marshmallow—the “hot stimulus”—the patient children distracted themselves by covering their eyes, pretending to play hide-and-seek underneath the desk, or singing songs from “Sesame Street.” Their desire wasn’t defeated—it was merely forgotten. “If you’re thinking about the marshmallow and how delicious it is, then you’re going to eat it,” Mischel says. “The key is to avoid thinking about it in the first place.” > > In adults, this skill is often referred to as metacognition, or thinking about thinking, and it’s what allows people to outsmart their shortcomings. (When Odysseus had himself tied to the ship’s mast, he was using some of the skills of metacognition: knowing he wouldn’t be able to resist the Sirens’ song, he made it impossible to give in.) Mischel’s large data set from various studies allowed him to see that children with a more accurate understanding of the workings of self-control were better able to delay gratification. “What’s interesting about four-year-olds is that they’re just figuring out the rules of thinking,” Mischel says. “The kids who couldn’t delay would often have the rules backwards. They would think that the best way to resist the marshmallow is to stare right at it, to keep a close eye on the goal. But that’s a terrible idea. If you do that, you’re going to ring the bell before I leave the room.” > [@AHunter3](#): > > In my experience, people who are adept at _processing_ their feelings (including their desires) — taking note of them and thinking about them, as opposed to trying to suppress them OR just acting on them — are the best at integrating a consideration of consequences with a consideration of desires and acting in their own long-term as well as short-term interests. > > People with poor impulse control neither process nor suppress and tend to have short attention spans and not much self-contemplation; people with _generally_ good inpulse control which goes all to hell under certain provocation are generally suppressors and walk around with a secret belief that they are denying themselves lots of satisfaction that they’d otherwise have, and it makes them frustrated. This makes a lot of sense; I think you’re onto something here. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520/11 "2010-04-19T20:58:01Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > [QUOTE=AHunter3] > > \people with generally good inpulse control which goes all to hell under certain provocation are generally suppressors and walk around with a secret belief that they are denying themselves lots of satisfaction that they’d otherwise have, and it makes them frustrated.\ Are these people who aren’t very self-aware or very adept at processing their feelings? In other words, they just suppress, they don’t examine what they’re suppressing or why? [/QUOTE] Yes, I think so. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520/12 "2010-04-19T22:13:14Z")
So rather than just suppressing, a better, more effective technique is actually thinking about what you want and why, and taking an action to help you resist an urge that you don’t want to fulfill (like distracting yourself instead of eating more food, or not getting yourself in the situation in the first place, like with an unwanted attraction). ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520/13 "2010-04-19T22:51:23Z")
Yeah, or playing the “long game”. Yes I want to eat well and enjoy it. But in context. I don’t want to gain weight. (Or eat it before my family gets here so we can all enjoy it together, or eat it before Mr. Marshmallow Man the child psychology research guy comes back into the office, or whatever). So I want multiple things. What’s the best strategy to make me happiest overall and/or in the long run? The suppressors are working from a different attitude: “I want to eat that, but it is BAD so I need to block that and not feel it not think about it. Yell at myself inside my head. Think of unappetizing things instead.” etc. See how that mindset is all about self-denial? On some level that person is going to feel _deprived_. It’s not about actively embracing something more desirable (or a more fully understood rendition of the desirable thing), the way it is for the first-example person. ---
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-control-our-urges/536520/14 "2010-04-20T02:43:22Z")
I found it interesting in the article Thudlow posted how much we are like canines. I do that same trick with my dog. He say wants a treat and If I pick up one of his toys and throw it he forgets he wanted a treat. When I quit smoking they told me to wait 10 minutes before giving in to urge to smoke. Most of the time the urge went away in the 10 minutes and I got through it.