# How do we deal with this human parasite? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 27, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557 "2003-04-27T23:47:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/1 "2003-04-27T23:47:20Z")
My best friend has a roomate who, up until recently, held a steady job which would allow her to pay half of the rent. However, she felt it more important to just give him whatever she had left over at the end of the month, which was typically much, much less than half of the rent. That is until recently, in which she lost her job. But instead of my friend kicking her out, he’s letting her live with him rent-free. In fact, she lives there _completely_ free, since he buys her food, clothes, etc. She also nags him all the time and drives him nuts; every time him and I go out somewhere she has to be part of it. He used to date her, that is, until she cheated on him. After that, he didn’t trust her at all but the thing I find totally perplexing is why he puts up with this. Sometimes I feel like my friend is a magnet for misery. I’m not so much mad at my friend, just mad at the fact that he allows all this to happen. When him and I spend time together a lot of the conversation is how much his roomate is pissing him off. I keep telling him “Kick her out!” and he says “I will…” but it never happens. I really think he would be better off without her living with him. I’m his best friend, I’ve known him for fifteen years, and even I can’t get through to him on this situation. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/2 "2003-04-27T23:57:16Z")
What should you do? Nothing. Your friend is not listening, obviously, so what can you do? Your friend will hopefully, come around. Or else he’ll get screwed, and then you can say, “I told you so.” I know the feeling-I hate seeing friends getting screwed, but in this case, he’s mostly at fault. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/3 "2003-04-28T00:00:26Z")
You can’t rescue your friend. He’s allowing himself to be used and he’s getting something out of it. Whatever that is, until the abuse he’s taking outweighs it, he’ll put up with the crap dished out by said parasite. ---
**Author:** ![Read\_Neck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@Read\_Neck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Read_Neck)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/4 "2003-04-28T01:26:33Z")
Stay out of it. Let it take its course. Be ready to pick him up when the wheels come off. That’s what real friends do. ---
**Author:** ![TeleTronOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4af34b/32.png) [@TeleTronOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeleTronOne)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/5 "2003-04-28T02:09:35Z")
I’ve been in similar situations myself when I was younger. He’s digging his own grave, so to speak, but trust me – you won’t be able to push him into anything. He might eventually come around and assert himself on the issue, but it will likely take some sort of major crisis for him to come to his senses. Unfortunate, but true. Now, if a year or two down the road, after said crisis has occured, and he gets himself into a similar situation without learning his lesson, that would be the time to slap him around a bit. Just try not to be his crutch if this gets him into say… financial trouble, unless it’s absolutely necessary. I wouldn’t want anything with major long-term consequences to get him into deeper trouble. A simple, but firm “I can’t help you out with this because I think you’re hurting yourself” is what I’d advise. Hopefully he’s the kind of guy that won’t let that upset things between you. Although if you want a personal testamonial to pass along to him, use this: **FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP! SHE’S BAD NEWS! SHE’S JUST USING YOU! STOP NOW, YOU WILL REGRET THIS!** ---
**Author:** ![imthjckaz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/imthjckaz/32/3223_2.png) [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/6 "2003-04-28T02:15:25Z")
She must be paying him with blow jobs. Maybe that’s why he is reluctant to her the boot. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/7 "2003-04-28T03:18:54Z")
The thing I am worried about is that this is part of his personality, to let people use him like this. The reason I think that is because he had been in a relationship for 4 years in which he was on the receiving end of nothing but abuse and financial exploitation. If it took him YEARS to come to his senses back then, and he’s just as ready to throw himself into the same kind of hell (even though he denies it) I am seriously concerned on how long it will take him to work things out now. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/8 "2003-04-28T04:09:36Z")
Humm. Are you _SURE_ they’re not - ya know _doing it_? Simply because that would of course make them common-law and she would be entitled to ya know, stuff. Alternatively, perhaps she does stuff around the house so he doesn’t have to? Perhaps she gives him nightly hummers with a quick around the world just to make him sleep well. Probably, you will never know. Which is why you should stay out of it. Be prepaired to help him when the time comes, but until then, this is not your problem to solve. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/9 "2003-04-28T04:13:22Z")
Well, that certainly sucks. I think about the only thing you can do as a friend is tell him that if he isn’t willing to do anything about the situation, you’re not willing to listen to him complain about it anymore. Also tell him she’s not welcome to come on your outings with him anymore, either. Time for some tough love, baby. ---
**Author:** ![Melandry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Melandry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melandry)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/10 "2003-04-28T04:19:35Z")
\*\* alice\_in\_wonderland\*\* or anyone else- I’ve tried googling but can’t find anything- what the heck is an “around the world”?? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/11 "2003-04-28T05:33:31Z")
Yeah, he might come to his senses and throw her out. Or he might marry her and have a kid. At least, that’s what my best friend did with _his_ human parasite. I miss my best friend. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/12 "2003-04-28T12:34:18Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Melandry \* > \*\*\*\* alice\_in\_wonderland_\* or anyone else- I’ve tried googling but can’t find anything- what the heck is an “around the world”?? \*\* The definition I know of is oral, anal, and vaginal sex in the same session (not necessarily in that order). ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/13 "2003-04-28T12:43:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \* > Simply because that would of course make them common-law and she would be entitled to ya know, stuff. Not necessarily. Not all states recognize common law marriage as valid, and those that do typically (IIRC) require at least a few/several years’ duration in relationship. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/14 "2003-04-28T15:16:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \* > Simply because that would of course make them common-law and she would be entitled to ya know, stuff. > \*\* No…they would have to live together for something like 10 years. And even then, simply having live-in bitches does not make them a common-law wife. I can give you my patented roomate ejector plan (essentially an escalating series of tried & true customized techniques for making a roomate feel so ‘uncomfortible’ that they leave on their own). Won’t work though since the plan requires your roomate to have his own set of balls. I have no sympathy for someone who is not wiling to help themselves. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/15 "2003-04-28T16:07:20Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Melandry > alice\_in\_wonderland or anyone else- I’ve tried googling but can’t find anything- what the heck is an “around the world”??_ > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by vunderbob \* > > \*\*The definition I know of is oral, anal, and vaginal sex in the same session (not necessarily in that order). \*\* Hmmm, I seem to recall it being fellatio, with a middle section of a little ball play and a whirly-whirly of analingus, then back to fellatio. _Or so I’ve been told…_ ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/16 "2003-04-28T17:00:31Z")
The very first little bit of William S. Burroughs’ _Words of Advice for Young People_ seems more-or-less salient: > [@](#): > > I am sometimes asked if I have any words of advice for young people. > > Well here are a few simple admonitions for young and old, man and beast: > > Never interfere in a boy and girl fight. > > Beware of whores who say they don’t want money – the hell they don’t! What they mean is that they want _more_ money. Much more-- These are the most _expensive_ whores what can be got. Actually, point the first applies, and point the second is included merely because it would be a disservice to humanity to leave it out. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/17 "2003-04-28T17:59:06Z")
Sometimes I like to reflect back what people are saying/doing - and I’ve had helpful friends reflect back to me. Along the lines of “Why would you want to kick her out? Of course you should put up with her abuse - you don’t deserve anything better, and she has every right to trample your feelings. You owe it to her to support her, right? Haven’t you given her any money today?” Sometimes hearing it said out loud helps a person see how silly they’re being, and it’s easier than locking horns. But you have to really know them to pull it off. And I agree w/the other posters, there’s not much you can do. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2003, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/18 "2003-04-29T01:55:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by msmith537 \* > **No…they would have to live together for something like 10 years. And even then, simply having live-in bitches does not make them a common-law wife.** There is also typically a requirement that the couple present themselves to the world as married; that is, sharing bank accounts, having both names on a car title, that sort of thing. Only a few states even have common law marriage anymore. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2003, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-we-deal-with-this-human-parasite/171557/19 "2003-04-29T05:39:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by msmith537 \* > **No…they would have to live together for something like 10 years. And even then, simply having live-in bitches does not make them a common-law wife.** Of course I’m in Canada, but around these parts if a guy and a girl are living together and having sex, regardless of what they call themselves, after 1 year of cohabitation they are considered common-law. this means if one trys to boot the other out, the bootie is entitled to all the benefits of a married partner. I know this because, oh so many moons ago, I was living with a dead-beat loser for 11.5 months. Believe me - when I found out that because he hadn’t worked the whole time we lived together, theoretically I could be expected to pay him spousal support should our living arrangment extend another 2 weeks, I moved in a big hurry. BTW - around the world is a rim job where I come from. And no, I don’t know from personal experience. I’m a strictly no-poo-hole kinda girl.