# How do women with very long fingernails wipe their butts? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 31, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888 "2009-01-31T18:25:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dripping](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d2c977/32.png) [@Dripping](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dripping)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/1 "2009-01-31T18:25:20Z")
It would seem to me to be difficult if not impossible to thoroughly wipe that area with those long daggers on each finger. How do they do it without either doing a sloppy job and missing some, or getting stink all up under those fingernails? ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/2 "2009-01-31T18:45:29Z")
And obvious related question: How do they masturbate? ---
**Author:** ![HongKongFooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c4cdca/32.png) [@HongKongFooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HongKongFooey)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/3 "2009-01-31T18:49:36Z")
> [@Reply](#): > > And obvious related question: How do they masturbate? I’ll volunteer to research that one 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/4 "2009-01-31T18:50:26Z")
And how do they pick their noses? ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/5 "2009-01-31T18:55:51Z")
> [@HongKongFooey](#): > > I’ll volunteer to research that one 🆒 And every study needs a few good assistants. You have my contact. ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/6 "2009-01-31T18:56:13Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > And how do they pick their noses? Wouldn’t long fingernails actually be more conducive to effective nose-picking?😃 ---
**Author:** ![Catchy\_Wins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Catchy\_Wins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catchy_Wins)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/7 "2009-01-31T19:00:55Z")
> [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](#): > > Wouldn’t long fingernails actually be more conducive to effective nose-picking?😃 Only if they plan on an accidental lobotomy. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/8 "2009-01-31T19:02:37Z")
There’s no such thing as an accidental lobotomy, only clean noses and sound minds. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/9 "2009-01-31T20:21:39Z")
> [@Reply](#): > > And obvious related question: How do they masturbate? Vibrator? ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/10 "2009-01-31T20:25:29Z")
Since I suspect there have been very few if any published studies on this highly engrossing subject, the answer to this will necessarily depend on anecdote and speculation. I think it’s better suited for IMHO than GQ. Colibri General Questions ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/11 "2009-01-31T20:34:19Z")
> [@Reply](#): > > And obvious related question: How do they masturbate? Well it’s definitely doable. I can say that for sure after watching a…‘video’…in which the actresses had like inch and a half long nails and got the job done just fine. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/12 "2009-01-31T21:09:10Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#): > > Well it’s definitely doable. I can say that for sure after watching a…‘video’…in which the actresses had like inch and a half long nails and got the job done just fine. …ouch? She better get paid quite a lot. Edit: Wait, no, what am I talking about?! She friggin’ _frigs herself_ for a living. She should pay for the privilege! ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/13 "2009-01-31T21:13:22Z")
> [@Reply](#): > > …ouch? She better get paid quite a lot. > > Edit: Wait, no, what am I talking about?! She friggin’ _frigs herself_ for a living. She should pay for the privilege! Actually I think you’re thinking of a different way of masturbating than I saw. No penetration if that’s what you’re thinking. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/14 "2009-01-31T21:26:47Z")
> [@Catchy\_Wins](#): > > accidental lobotomy Band name! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/15 "2009-01-31T21:36:14Z")
> [@Dripping](#): > > It would seem to me to be difficult if not impossible to thoroughly wipe that area with those long daggers on each finger. Why do you think they like those little dogs? ---
**Author:** ![1010011010](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/ea666f/32.png) [@1010011010](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/1010011010)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/16 "2009-01-31T22:48:45Z")
Curl your fingers onto your palm. Grip material between the second segment of your index finger and lower part of thumb. Wipe in a direction the works with the curve of the thumb nail. Apply light pressure with the backs of the fingers at around the middle knuckle area if desired. Basically, pretend you’ve had part of your fingers amputated. ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/17 "2009-01-31T23:52:30Z")
Alternatively, start off by finding a live goose… ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/18 "2009-01-31T23:53:37Z")
> [@1010011010](#): > > Curl your fingers onto your palm. Grip material between the second segment of your index finger and lower part of thumb. Wipe in a direction the works with the curve of the thumb nail. Apply light pressure with the backs of the fingers at around the middle knuckle area if desired. > > Basically, pretend you’ve had part of your fingers amputated. And here I thought burqas and foot binding were cruel… ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Parker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/35a633/32.png) [@Richard\_Parker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Parker)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2009, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/19 "2009-02-01T00:26:33Z")
> [@1010011010](#): > > Curl your fingers onto your palm. Grip material between the second segment of your index finger and lower part of thumb. Wipe in a direction the works with the curve of the thumb nail. Apply light pressure with the backs of the fingers at around the middle knuckle area if desired. > > Basically, pretend you’ve had part of your fingers amputated. That’s one crazy form of masturbation. ---
**Author:** ![HongKongFooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c4cdca/32.png) [@HongKongFooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HongKongFooey)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2009, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888/20 "2009-02-01T01:59:28Z")
All this time I just figured they wrapped some tissue around the end of the plunger handle to wipe themselves. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-women-with-very-long-fingernails-wipe-their-butts/483888.md?page=2)