I vote at a fire station that is not too far away, so it is a fairly short walk, although uphill both ways. (We used to vote in the elementary school across the street, but they decided that wasn’t cramped enough.)
An advantage to walking is I can sneak in the back and avoid the campaigners who have staked out the parking lot ambushing persons who have traveled to the site by motor vehicle. The firefighters stand ready with hoses to push back any campaigners who get closer to the polling site than is allowed. Once I saw them hose an interloper with a poor sense of distance with a concentrated blast, followed by them crowding around the unfortunate individual chanting “next time it’s the fire axe!”
As you enter, on the [del]right[/del] other right is a line of tables staffed by three or four individuals, handling various alphabetic groups sorted by last name. By state law, all of these individuals must be at least eighty years old. Each is invested with a big book of name cards. After telling them your name and showing an approved photo ID, they give you your individualized preprinted card to take to the nearby ballot-issuing table. This would be straight-forward, except THE FLOOR IS LAVA!, so you have to carefully balance your way over a series of floor objects. At the ballot-issuing table you give them the card you got three seconds ago and they give you a ballot, to which is affixed a sticker with the ballot number.
You next take the ballot to a cluster of booths to fill out. Again the fact that THE FLOOR IS LAVA increases the difficulty. It would be nice if the fire engines were there, since you could edge along their sides to avoid the lava, but there aren’t any there during the polling hours. I assume that if you have a fire, they politely but firmly inform you that you will just have to wait until the polling station closes, because the fire engines are currently in storage somewhere, and maybe this sort of thing wouldn’t happen if they would let us go back to voting in the elementary school like we used to.
The Republicans recently took over the state legislature, so they removed the option to vote a straight party ticket, on the grounds that too many people were voting for Democrats. And they changed the order of political parties from random to listing first the candidates with the same party affiliation as the governor, who by amazing coincidence is also a Republican. After filling out the ballot, you must then trudge over MORE LAVA to the scanner.
I would like to keep my ballot as a souvenir, and give them a photocopy, but they won’t let you do that. Instead all you get is an “I Voted” sticker, which has a monetary value of 0 (zero) cents. And they aren’t even very careful about giving out the stickers – I’m pretty sure that if I handed in a blank ballot I would still get an “I Voted” sticker. There should also be an “I Pretended to Vote” sticker, but they don’t have those, and I blame this omission on the Republicans.
After leaving the fire house, I walk past the outside campaigners, who are probably thinking “Where did he come from? I don’t remember seeing him get out of a vehicle in the parking area!” Then I walk home, which, as previously noted, it is uphill both ways.
Portions of the above account have employed enhanced reality in order to make things more interesting than they really are.