# How do you address a nun? (NAF) **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [March 15, 2009, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508 "2009-03-15T08:33:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/1 "2009-03-15T08:33:46Z")
I’m applying for a job at a school where a large number of the teachers are nuns. I’m visiting tomorrow to pick up the application form and recce the place. But I’ve realised I’ve forgotten the formal modes of address. Can a Doper enlighten me? ---
**Author:** ![BaconAndEggs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@BaconAndEggs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BaconAndEggs)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/2 "2009-03-15T08:39:33Z")
Sister? ---
**Author:** ![williambaskerville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f14d63/32.png) [@williambaskerville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/williambaskerville)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/3 "2009-03-15T08:53:30Z")
> [@BaconAndEggs](#): > > Sister? That will usually work, except for the reverend mother. Don’t ever call a reverend mother sister. ---
**Author:** ![MeDrewNotYou](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@MeDrewNotYou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeDrewNotYou)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/4 "2009-03-15T09:00:20Z")
Relatedly, a monk would probably be ‘Brother X’, but what about the abbot? ‘Abbot James’ sounds pretty awkward, but 'Brother James doesn’t seem to accord him with the appropriate respect. ---
**Author:** ![williambaskerville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f14d63/32.png) [@williambaskerville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/williambaskerville)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/5 "2009-03-15T09:11:13Z")
I realised my reply above was a bit flippant, and this might be a serious issue for Quartz. Generally nuns,even reverend mothers, are quite happy being called sister, and that’s the mode of address he should go with, for all the nuns he meets. If he’s introduced to the Abbess (AKA reverend mother), she’ll almost certainly be presented to him as such, and he should call her reverend mother from then on. My flippant comment above about reverent mothers was from an aunt of mine, who was a reverend mother. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/6 "2009-03-15T09:30:19Z")
> [@williambaskerville](#): > > That will usually work, except for the reverend mother. Don’t ever call a reverend mother sister. Even worse if she’s in the Bene Gesserit. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/7 "2009-03-15T12:04:01Z")
Do postulants and novices get the same title? ---
**Author:** ![psychonaut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/psychonaut/32/4655_2.png) [@psychonaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychonaut)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/8 "2009-03-15T12:13:36Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > I’m applying for a job at a school where a large number of the teachers are nuns. I’m visiting tomorrow to pick up the application form and recce the place. But I’ve realised I’ve forgotten the formal modes of address. Can a Doper enlighten me? Unless you’re religious, there’s no reason to use any special honorifics. I would address them as “Miss So-and-so”, just as I would in polite correspondence with any other unmarried women. Of course, adopting such a secular-egalitarian approach may raise their indignation, so if the job is important to you I suppose you could pander to their expectations by referring to them as “Sister”. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/9 "2009-03-15T12:56:26Z")
> [@psychonaut](#): > > Unless you’re religious, there’s no reason to use any special honorifics. I would address them as “Miss So-and-so”, just as I would in polite correspondence with any other unmarried women. Of course, adopting such a secular-egalitarian approach may raise their indignation, so if the job is important to you I suppose you could pander to their expectations by referring to them as “Sister”. Why “miss” and not “Ms.”? And why not do the same with all other honorifics and only use Mr and Ms? Why even use those? We show deference and respect by addressing people the way they wish to be addressed. If I have any doubts I always ask them directly how they would like me to call them and this always seems to flatter them. Never had any problems. ---
**Author:** ![Jormungandr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@Jormungandr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jormungandr)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/10 "2009-03-15T13:12:46Z")
In person, Sister (First name). As for the abbess, Mother Superior. I was taught never to use the Mother Superior’s name, but to address her just as that. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/11 "2009-03-15T13:48:12Z")
I like that Williambaskerville is answering this question. But yes I agree - Sister will work. ---
**Author:** ![MissMossie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@MissMossie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissMossie)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/12 "2009-03-15T14:20:00Z")
Another vote for “Sister First-Name”. The nuns I live with are a pretty low-key group. If you politely call them something that they would rather not be called, they’ll gently let you know what they would rather be referred to as. Postulant and novice titles differ from community to community. With my group, postulants go by their birth name and novices become “Sister First-Name”. In other communities, they go by “Postulant First-Name” and “Novice First-Name”. AFAIK, there are no canonical rules about when the sister title gets added. Contrary to another poster, my advice to call them “Sister First-Name” comes regardless of your religious background. If they wish to be called “Sister”, it just seems polite to address them as such. It’s similar to working with someone named Christopher who prefers to be called Chris. Would you call him anything different than what he wished to be addressed by? Please note, not all nuns are as low-key as the group I live with. I heard one story about a man referring to a nun as a “lady” to someone else, something along the lines of, “The lady over there might like more coffee.” She overheard and responded in a huff, “I am not a lady! I’m a sister!” Her point was made; she most certainly was not a lady. ---
**Author:** ![TNWPsycho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/47e85d/32.png) [@TNWPsycho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TNWPsycho)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/13 "2009-03-15T14:25:43Z")
According to my Websters unabridged dictionary, the proper form of address in speaking is: Sister (Religious Name). In writing you should address them as: My Dear Sister (Religious Name) ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/14 "2009-03-15T15:00:37Z")
I live with 13 nuns\* (in the same apartment complex, that is). We’re all on a first-name basis. \*Sisters of Notre Dame. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/15 "2009-03-15T15:08:35Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > I live with 13 nuns\* (in the same apartment complex, that is). We’re all on a first-name basis. > \*Sisters of Notre Dame. Sounds like the basis of a kick ass sitcom. ---
**Author:** ![psychonaut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/psychonaut/32/4655_2.png) [@psychonaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychonaut)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/16 "2009-03-15T15:16:03Z")
> [@sailor](#): > > Why “miss” and not “Ms.”? Sure, “Ms.” is just as acceptable. > [@](#): > > And why not do the same with all other honorifics and only use Mr and Ms? Why even use those? Because it’s not a recognized practice in English to address people by their last names alone, except in some very specific cases (and even those are typically in asymmetric power relationships, such as a headmaster to his students, or a boss to his employees). By using the language’s set of generic honorifics (Mr./Miss/Mrs./Ms.) you are still satisfying the demands of English pragmatics, and demonstrating that you intend to show a default level of respect, but no special deference. > [@](#): > > If I have any doubts I always ask them directly how they would like me to call them and this always seems to flatter them. Never had any problems. Well, if your goal is to flatter people, then I agree, call them whatever you want. But if you believe, like me, that society should be egalitarian, and that our use of language should reflect that, then you will eschew honorifics that mark people as having some special status, whether it is a simple “sister” or a highfalutin “your most illustrious and reverend eminence”. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/17 "2009-03-15T16:06:26Z")
> [@psychonaut](#): > > But if you believe, like me, that society should be egalitarian, and that our use of language should reflect that, then you will eschew honorifics that mark people as having some special status, whether it is a simple “sister” or a highfalutin “your most illustrious and reverend eminence”. I think “comrade” is the preferred term in that case. ---
**Author:** ![A\_Dodgy\_Dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a87d85/32.png) [@A\_Dodgy\_Dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_Dodgy_Dude)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/18 "2009-03-15T16:16:21Z")
I went to Catholic school for eight years and the only thing I ever called any of the nuns was “sister,” i.e., Sister Cecelia, Sister Ann, Sister Elizabeth, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/19 "2009-03-15T16:24:23Z")
In a pinch, “Ma’am” might suffice. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508/20 "2009-03-15T16:27:32Z")
> [@psychonaut](#): > > Well, if your goal is to flatter people, then I agree, call them whatever you want. But if you believe, like me, that society should be egalitarian, and that our use of language should reflect that, then you will eschew honorifics that mark people as having some special status, whether it is a simple “sister” or a highfalutin “your most illustrious and reverend eminence”. My goal is to be polite and well-mannered. YMMV. Back on topic- “Sister” is always polite and a good start. Sometimes I am unsure about “Brother” vs. “Father” if I don’t know them personally, but one can always ask- it shows good manners. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-address-a-nun-naf/489508.md?page=2)