# How do you catch a polar Bear? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 31, 2006, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673 "2006-03-31T08:07:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/21 "2006-04-01T03:35:15Z")
fingers… can’t…type…must…sever…offending…nubs… ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/22 "2006-04-01T03:38:22Z")
Knock knock Who’s there? I’m a pile up. I’m a pile up who? Har har har (8 y.o . in the house!) ---
**Author:** ![kudzus\_gal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5ac83/32.png) [@kudzus\_gal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kudzus_gal)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/23 "2006-04-01T03:55:02Z")
One my young niece told me a while back… Why does Tigger look in every toilet he sees? He’s looking for Pooh. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/24 "2006-04-01T07:35:59Z")
From my little brother several years ago: A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2006, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/25 "2006-04-01T07:42:41Z")
How do you catch an alligator? Go to the Everglades with a pair of binoculars, a matchbox and a tweezers. When you find an alligator, look at him through the wrong end of the binoculars. He is now small enough so you can pick him up with the tweezers and drop him in the matchbox. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/26 "2006-04-03T14:34:20Z")
[QUOTE=faldureon] But really if you want to catch a polar bear - You get a whale whisker (it’s kind of like a spring that straightens out) you wrap it into a coil and you freeze it in some seal lard. You leave it out for the bear. The bear swallows the piece of lard whole. It unfreezes in his stomach. The whale whisker straightens out piercing two holes in the bear that are incompatible with life more often then not. Cook the bear to taste and enjoy. That’s how the tribals do it; you could also just use a gun. [/QUOTE] :dubious: Don’t be silly. A handgun frozen into a piece of seal lard isn’t going to do enough damage to kill a bear, and if you use a rifle, I don’t want to mess with a polar bear big enough to eat it in one piece. ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/27 "2006-04-03T14:50:27Z")
How do you catch a rabbit? Go to the middle of a field, sit very still and make sounds like a carrot! ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/28 "2006-04-03T14:55:25Z")
And now, this is how\* not\* to be seen… ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/29 "2006-04-03T14:56:19Z")
Where did she go? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/30 "2006-04-03T15:00:05Z")
Knock Knock who’s There Little Old Lady Little Old Lady Who? I didn’t know you could yodel. Thanks to Coldfire for my favorite knock knock joke of all time. ---
**Author:** ![Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cornelius_Tuggerson)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/31 "2006-04-03T18:59:00Z")
[QUOTE=Ethilrist] :dubious: Don’t be silly. A handgun frozen into a piece of seal lard isn’t going to do enough damage to kill a bear, and if you use a rifle, I don’t want to mess with a polar bear big enough to eat it in one piece. [/QUOTE] You are right. A primed hand grenade would probably work better. A bit messy though, but still good if you need bear burger. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/32 "2006-04-03T19:09:16Z")
[QUOTE=Kythereia] And now, this is how\* not\* to be seen… [/QUOTE] Inigo has hidden himself very well indeed. However, his wife has informed us that he is in the water barrel. BOOM! heh… Knock knock? Who’s there? Samoa. Samoa who? Samoa dem Ether Bunnies! ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/33 "2006-04-03T19:36:55Z")
[QUOTE=Nic2004] How do you catch a rabbit? Go to the middle of a field, sit very still and make sounds like a carrot! [/QUOTE] How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut. ---
**Author:** ![lizardling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f4b2a3/32.png) [@lizardling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lizardling)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2006, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/34 "2006-04-03T23:10:51Z")
What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh. ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/35 "2006-04-04T00:31:20Z")
Why did the Eskimo wash his clothes in Tide? 'Cause it was too cold out tide. ---
**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/36 "2006-04-04T00:58:07Z")
What kind of bee makes milk? A Boo Bee! Bwahahahahahahahaha . ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673/37 "2006-04-04T12:19:11Z")
**Knock Knock!** _Who’s there?_ **The interrupting sheep!** _The interrupting sh\*\*\*\*\*BAAAA!!!_\*\*\* [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-catch-a-polar-bear/350673.md?page=1)