# How do you cope/get-over being unattractive/plain-looking/ugly? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 16, 2015, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358 "2015-07-16T20:45:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2015, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/61 "2015-07-19T19:12:35Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > Except women will _only_ see me as a friend never someone to date. If you even had some female friends, perhaps you’d start to realize that they are much like actual people in practically every respect. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2015, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/62 "2015-07-19T19:28:52Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Because you are a whiny sad sack with low self confidence and a defeatist attitude, not because you are too hideous to date. Actually I am too hideous to date. I’m not one of those people who claim to be ugly but actually look normal, I’m objectively ugly to everyone. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2015, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/63 "2015-07-19T19:31:16Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > If you even had some female friends, perhaps you’d start to realize that they are much like actual people in practically every respect. Implying I don’t think women are people. Yes they’re people who fancy men they find attractive. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2015, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/64 "2015-07-19T19:37:31Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Because you are a whiny sad sack with low self confidence and a defeatist attitude, not because you are too hideous to date. Try having having self confidence when while being ugly like me for a day. Not going to happen. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2015, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/65 "2015-07-19T19:52:09Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > Implying I don’t think women are people. Yes they’re people who fancy men they find attractive. Attractive and physically attractive are not the same thing. Many ugly people are in happy relationships. Once someone gets to know you, IF they like your personality, they do not care so much about what you look like, but you are not willing to even attempt to get to that point. There are many things you could do to make it more likely that women would be attracted to you, but your unwillingness to try and your self-pity would repel any sensible human being. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2015, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/66 "2015-07-19T20:03:27Z")
Step 1: Stop _whining_…that’s not attractive on anyone. If someone really wants advice, there’s plenty in this thread that’s very good. If someone just wants to moan about being unattractive and unloved and woe is me I’m going to go eat worms…well, see Step 1, above. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/67 "2015-07-20T13:04:44Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > Actually I am too hideous to date. I’m not one of those people who claim to be ugly but actually look normal, I’m objectively ugly to everyone. What you don’t understand is that what’s hideous about you is your attitude, not your face. I know more ugly guys who’re married, engaged or have girlfriends than I can even begin to list. Explain to us why they’re different from you, if it’s not the fact that they’re not whiny, self-absorbed, and take care of themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/68 "2015-07-20T13:36:32Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > Actually I am too hideous to date. I’m not one of those people who claim to be ugly but actually look normal, I’m objectively ugly to everyone. Can you post a picture? Or, can you give us some **facts** for us to consider: 5’1", 350 lbs? 6’9" and 120 lbs? Boils? Zits? Pustules? Large Ears? Pug Nose? Cyranno De Bergerac’s long-lost cousin? Duck walk? Knobby knees? Frizzy hair? Bald? Comb-over? Glasses? Cross-eyed? Buck teeth? Protruding jaw? I mean, “objectively ugly” is a pretty high bar to reach. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/69 "2015-07-20T14:02:02Z")
“Attractive” does not include “whining”. It also does not include “I don’t even want to be friends with you females, just give me vagina”. Congratulations, OP. You have managed to turn this woman off without ever seeing your face! See how that works? Since time immemorial women have dated men they found attractive but not necessarily physically so. See, we like to get to know you in the context of hobbies. That way we can see not just how you treat us but how you treat other women, and what kind of person you are. Sad sacks of whining need not apply. I’m out of here. Kind of sorry I ever gave advice. Go enjoy your worms! ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/70 "2015-07-20T14:32:42Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > Actually I am too hideous to date. I’m not one of those people who claim to be ugly but actually look normal, I’m objectively ugly to everyone. Nobody here has actually seen how ugly you are and you still managed to alienate everyone, it’s your personality that’s the problem. ---
**Author:** ![scareyfaerie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scareyfaerie/32/3135_2.png) [@scareyfaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scareyfaerie)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/71 "2015-07-20T14:35:34Z")
After this many replies and your complete failure to accept any of it, isn’t it time you defined “objectively ugly”? ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/72 "2015-07-20T14:41:22Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Nobody here has actually seen how ugly you are and you still managed to alienate everyone, it’s your personality that’s the problem. Ding, ding, ding! ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/73 "2015-07-24T10:52:26Z")
Perfect advice for getting friendzoned in this thread. There are some very deceptive people here. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/74 "2015-07-24T10:55:34Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Nobody here has actually seen how ugly you are and you still managed to alienate everyone, it’s your personality that’s the problem. How is it a problem? Instead of throwing around the term 'personality ’ be specific. Define personality. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/75 "2015-07-24T10:58:25Z")
> [@scareyfaerie](#): > > After this many replies and your complete failure to accept any of it, isn’t it time you defined “objectively ugly”? I could by posting a pic but then ill loose my annonymity. ---
**Author:** ![Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3da27b/32.png) [@Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nikki_Tikki_Tavi)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/76 "2015-07-24T14:08:13Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > I could by posting a pic but then ill loose my annonymity. Or you could describe yourself and tell us what you think your “ugly” features are. I’ve dated men who weren’t physically attractive at first glance but their personalities made them appealing. In fact, none of my boyfriends, save the current one, were conventionally handsome. And I wouldn’t be dating this guy if all he had to offer was his good looks. I’ve dated short guys, fat guys, dudes with bad skin, balding men (actually, short and balding was the same guy. My friends thought he was hideous but he was an artist who was smart and great in the sack. So maybe become really fantastic in bed? :D) DO get some hobbies. Not only will it give your personality another dimension, it will give you interesting things to talk about AND you might meet women who enjoy the same things you do. DO make platonic female friends. No, you won’t get to boink them, but guess what ladies tend to have? Lady friends. That, if you’re not a creep, they might pass a good word about you to. DO be clean. You don’t have to buy expensive grooming products, just a bar of soap and a razor every day, some deodorant, and laundered clothes that don’t have holes and stains. STOP whining. No one likes a self-pitying cry baby. I get it, you’re frustrated. But being a sad sack who only complains isn’t going to make people of any gender want to be around you. Yuck. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/77 "2015-07-24T14:38:01Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > Too much deception in this thread. > [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > Perfect advice for getting friendzoned in this thread. There are some very deceptive people here. Really? I feel like people have been brutally honest with you. Perhaps [you can’t handle the truth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXoNE14U_zM)? ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/78 "2015-07-24T15:50:43Z")
> [@Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](#): > > Or you could describe yourself and tell us what you think your “ugly” features are. > > I’ve dated men who weren’t physically attractive at first glance but their personalities made them appealing. In fact, none of my boyfriends, save the current one, were conventionally handsome. And I wouldn’t be dating this guy if all he had to offer was his good looks. I’ve dated short guys, fat guys, dudes with bad skin, balding men (actually, short and balding was the same guy. My friends thought he was hideous but he was an artist who was smart and great in the sack. So maybe become really fantastic in bed? :D) > > DO get some hobbies. Not only will it give your personality another dimension, it will give you interesting things to talk about AND you might meet women who enjoy the same things you do. > > DO make platonic female friends. No, you won’t get to boink them, but guess what ladies tend to have? Lady friends. That, if you’re not a creep, they might pass a good word about you to. > > DO be clean. You don’t have to buy expensive grooming products, just a bar of soap and a razor every day, some deodorant, and laundered clothes that don’t have holes and stains. > > STOP whining. No one likes a self-pitying cry baby. I get it, you’re frustrated. But being a sad sack who only complains isn’t going to make people of any gender want to be around you. Yuck. How did their personalities make them appealing? What do you mean by personality? Be specific. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/79 "2015-07-24T17:06:35Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > How did their personalities make them appealing? What do you mean by personality? Be specific. Are you asking her to explain to you why even the unattractive men she dated are _still_ better than you?.. Wow… you’re really into self abuse, aren’t you? ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/80 "2015-07-24T17:24:50Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Are you asking her to explain to you why even the unattractive men she dated are _still_ better than you?.. > > Wow… you’re really into self abuse, aren’t you? Still better than me? This doesn’t even make sense since I’m ugly myself. Those men aren’t unattractive like she described and obviously I’m uglier than them anyway. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358.md?page=5)