# How do you cope/get-over being unattractive/plain-looking/ugly? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 16, 2015, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358 "2015-07-16T20:45:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/81 "2015-07-24T17:31:57Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > How is it a problem? Instead of throwing around the term 'personality ’ be specific. Define personality. Your whinyness, your defeatist attitude, your lack of self esteem and confidence, your refusal to admit the problem is not something you have control over like your behavior and instead is something you have no control over like your looks (which you actually do have plenty of control over actually), your dismissal of anyone trying to help you. You are just one annoying dude who is not pleasant to be around, none of this has anything to do with your looks. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/82 "2015-07-24T17:33:38Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > Those men aren’t unattractive like she described and obviously I’m uglier than them anyway. _obviously_ I know you’ve been just dying for somebody to ask the question, so… How ugly are you? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/83 "2015-07-24T17:35:17Z")
I mostly overcompensated by having sex with lots of attractive women. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/84 "2015-07-24T17:37:19Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Your whinyness, your defeatist attitude, your lack of self esteem and confidence, your refusal to admit the problem is not something you have control over like your behavior and instead is something you have no control over like your looks (which you actually do have plenty of control over actually), your dismissal of anyone trying to help you. You are just one annoying dude who is not pleasant to be around, none of this has anything to do with your looks. Most people like this have girlfriends so you are wrong. It’s all to do with my looks since my ugliness has directly influenced my personality since childhood. Believe me when you’re as ugly as me you will never be confident or have any control over your looks. There’s no whinyness just disagreement. ---
**Author:** ![Kron](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kron/32/12444_2.png) [@Kron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kron)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/85 "2015-07-24T17:47:17Z")
I am a fat, pasty dude with three different colors of facial hair (4 now, with a good quarter of it going white) who began balding/going grey in my 20s, though I made up for it by sprouting more than enough hair on all sides of my torso. I have the personality of a wet blanket, and my favorite pastime is playing video and/or board games. I am married, and have 4 kids. How? I am who I am, I don’t beat myself up for it, and I _own_ my actions and choices in life. I use my intelligence and (incredibly dry) sense of humor to overcome what some might see as deficiencies. Don’t pity yourself. NOBODY likes a whiner. ---
**Author:** ![Dorjan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorjan/32/12440_2.png) [@Dorjan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorjan)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/86 "2015-07-24T17:51:31Z")
I’m weary of all this back and forth. HandsomeGorilla, it’s time to put up or shut up. Post a pic online of your allegedly hideous mug. Show us that you are indeed far too ugly for any normal human interaction, and we’ll agree with you and drop the matter. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/87 "2015-07-24T17:52:12Z")
> [@Kron](#): > > I am a fat, pasty dude with three different colors of facial hair (4 now, with a good quarter of it going white) who began balding/going grey in my 20s, though I made up for it by sprouting more than enough hair on all sides of my torso. I have the personality of a wet blanket, and my favorite pastime is playing video and/or board games. > > I am married, and have 4 kids. > > How? I am who I am, I don’t beat myself up for it, and I _own_ my actions and choices in life. I use my intelligence and (incredibly dry) sense of humor to overcome what some might see as deficiencies. > > Don’t pity yourself. NOBODY likes a whiner. So whenever I disagree with someone I’m a whiner? Absolutely ridiculous! Don’t kid yourself about so called “deficiencies” because you were attractive enough to be taken seriously. No humor bullshit works if you’re legitimately ugly. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/88 "2015-07-24T17:55:09Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I mostly overcompensated by having sex with lots of attractive women. You didn’t overcompensate because you were attractive enough to have sex with those women. ---
**Author:** ![Kron](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kron/32/12444_2.png) [@Kron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kron)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/89 "2015-07-24T17:58:11Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > So whenever I disagree with someone I’m a whiner? Absolutely ridiculous! > > Don’t kid yourself about so called “deficiencies” because you were attractive enough to be taken seriously. No humor bullshit works if you’re legitimately ugly. Disagreeing doesn’t make you a whiner. Whining does. However, your second sentence is beginning to smell of Munchausen-by-Internet. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/90 "2015-07-24T18:03:10Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > You didn’t overcompensate because you were attractive enough to have sex with those women. You know what else women like that you lack? A sense of humour. No, I will not ‘define: sense of humour’. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/91 "2015-07-24T18:21:13Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > You know what else women like that you lack? A sense of humour. > > No, I will not ‘define: sense of humour’. That’s because you can’t. And no, that’s what women tell you they like but they actually liked your face to begin with. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/92 "2015-07-24T18:25:08Z")
> [@Kron](#): > > Disagreeing doesn’t make you a whiner. Whining does. > > However, your second sentence is beginning to smell of Munchausen-by-Internet. I’m simply disagreeing. Ahaha nice. Oh that’s it I got it! He has Munchausen disorder I knew it! He could never be a genuine person typing up his thoughts. Not a chance. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/93 "2015-07-24T18:26:40Z")
> [@Kron](#): > > I am a fat, pasty dude with three different colors of facial hair Ahahaha how many times have we heard that one before? So corny and typical of normal people when they give out “advice”. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/94 "2015-07-24T18:30:21Z")
What?! Why, those lying bitches! All this time I’ve been trying to charm the pants off them (litterally) and all they’ve ever been thinking was how good looking I am? I feel so… dirty. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/95 "2015-07-24T18:34:45Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > What?! Why, those lying bitches! > > All this time I’ve been trying to charm the pants off them (litterally) and all they’ve ever been thinking was how good looking I am? I feel so… dirty. Try being ugly and see if they even give you a chance to do that. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/96 "2015-07-24T18:43:12Z")
Consider yourself lucky my friend. At least you haven’t spent the majority of your adult life being used as a sex toy by women. Over and over. Thank you for opening my eyes. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/97 "2015-07-24T18:53:41Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Consider yourself lucky my friend. At least you haven’t spent the majority of your adult life being used as a sex toy by women. Over and over. > > Thank you for opening my eyes. Not being used/being a sex toy, my friend. Looks are a reasonable expectation in a partner for both sexes. To deny this is delusion and cognitive dissonance. It’s just a shame I don’t have them, it’s not my fault. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/98 "2015-07-24T19:44:06Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > Looks are a reasonable expectation in a partner for both sexes. To deny this is delusion and cognitive dissonance. It’s just a shame I don’t have them, it’s not my fault. First thing you’ve said that I completely agree with. Why didn’t you just say that in the first place? ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/99 "2015-07-24T19:51:31Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > That’s because you can’t. > > And no, that’s what women tell you they like but they actually liked your face to begin with. I’m not sure why I’m bothering because you will slap away the idea, but anyway – you know how someone’s looks improve or get worse in your eyes as you get to know the person? An insanely good-looking person can start to seem “yeah, hot BUT…” except by someone who just wants to be seen with someone hot, and an average or “ugly” person can start to look dear if they are someone you are happy to see. So, the advice upthread is right – find a way to spend time with women and if you are a basically nice person, you will start to look better and better to someone. ---
**Author:** ![Dorjan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorjan/32/12440_2.png) [@Dorjan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorjan)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358/100 "2015-07-24T19:54:14Z")
This man, [Godfrey Baguma](http://metro.co.uk/2015/06/22/ugandas-ugliest-man-has-become-a-father-for-the-eighth-time-5257601/), is on his 2nd wife and 8th kid. _drops mic_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-get-over-being-unattractive-plain-looking-ugly/725358.md?page=6)