# How do you cope with losing everything **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 1, 2016, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-with-losing-everything/756210 "2016-06-01T05:40:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jake\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jake\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Jones)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-with-losing-everything/756210/41 "2016-06-02T06:25:18Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > True. I certainly didn’t mean to rule that out. And I wasn’t trying to be overly critical of you either. It’s a natural response when talking to someone about this kind of thing when they’re being hurt by someone else. Empathetic defense mechanism, I guess. I just wanted to point out that in many cases, there is no blame for the end of a relationship and being spiteful about it is never productive, in any case. Absolutely no offense intended to you, **Mangetout**. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-with-losing-everything/756210/42 "2016-06-02T06:30:30Z")
No problem - I appreciated your input/expansion. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-with-losing-everything/756210/43 "2016-06-02T12:28:27Z")
> [@Scribble](#): > > But seeing a therapist is still a good idea. Therapists can help people get over breakups more quickly. And if the OP has any dysfunctional relationship patterns, a good therapist can help the OP see and maybe change them. Seeing a therapist is also expensive, time-consuming, and might not help anyway. Seeing someone is a good option for many, and when things reach a certain point, but I don’t believe that anytime someone feels hopeless that the answer lies in “see a therapist”. The best responses so far have been “give it time, keep your chin up, focus your energy somewhere else”. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-with-losing-everything/756210/44 "2016-06-02T13:15:11Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Well as evidenced by the OP, one possible reason for her boyfriend’s withdrawal, may be her co-dependence upon him. It doesn’t really seem to be CO-dependence; just plain ol’ _dependence_. The boyfriend, who wants to “chill on his own this week”, seems perfectly fine getting along without the OP. I suspect the relationship might have a chance if the OP would be able to give her boyfriend some space. But she mentions that he’s ignoring most of her messages, and I’m guessing there’s been _a lot_ of those. Clingy, weepy girlfriend whose world falls apart at the hint of spending any moments apart from each other is _not_ the sort of thing that guys who’re interested in doing stuff on their own will stick around for. I expect the last we’ll hear of the OP’s boyfriend is reports of him running off screaming into the night. ---
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-with-losing-everything/756210/45 "2016-06-02T17:07:26Z")
People are not possessions. Changing or ending your relationship is not “losing everything”. It’s letting an adult you supposedly care about make decisions for themselves. Have you ever broken up with anybody before? It’s not the end of the world. Nor, I should point out, is wanting to spend some time alone a sign that a relationship is ending. He may just want to chill on his own this week. Don’t worry too much about it. If he is actually breaking up with you, don’t worry too much about that either. Life goes on, the sun still comes up, et cetera. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-with-losing-everything/756210/46 "2016-06-02T23:10:07Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Uh, I think people are jumping the gun a bit with “seek professional help” advice. The op has put all her chips on one number and has invited the internet to guess the odds. Even if her current love stays with her that level of emotional dependency is not rational or healthy and has consequences that could best be handled by someone trained to do so. The SDMB is not that someone. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-with-losing-everything/756210/47 "2016-06-03T01:16:18Z")
Also, the OP did seek counseling…just from one of the worst possible places, an anonymous general-discussion internet BBS group. The OP had the wisdom to seek help. We’re just advising them to seek competent help. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-with-losing-everything/756210/48 "2016-06-03T01:20:45Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Also, the OP did seek counseling…just from one of the worst possible places, an anonymous general-discussion internet BBS group. And of all the anonymous general-discussion internet BBS groups in the all the towns in all the world, she had to walk into this one. ---
**Author:** ![Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emtar_KronJonDerSohn)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-with-losing-everything/756210/49 "2016-06-03T01:32:10Z")
I remember the one time I got dumped. In retrospect I was smothering her and although her motives were likely not benevolent, she did me a really huge favor by kicking me to the curb. If I ran into her at Costco or something I’d probably thank her if I weren’t too embarrassed to face her. Which I would be, because I was fucking pathetic. That one time. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-with-losing-everything/756210/50 "2016-06-03T19:51:08Z")
> [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](#): > > My friends say I’m too literal. I thought that this was going to be a thread about someone who lost literally everything. Another great disappointment. I actually did lose everything at one point in my life and thought that was what this was going to be about too. I rushed in with life experience and kleenex. Then I see it’s an overly dramatic title about a break-up. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-with-losing-everything/756210/51 "2016-06-03T23:26:38Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > And of all the anonymous general-discussion internet BBS groups in the all the towns in all the world, she had to walk into this one. Play it, Cecil. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cope-with-losing-everything/756210.md?page=2)