# How do you cuss when you don't \*@%(#~%^@\*&??
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [August 3, 2006, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109 "2006-08-03T00:33:57Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/1 "2006-08-03T00:33:57Z")
I’ve tried very hard to control my language - especially when my daughter was little. Plus I was raised to believe that if I cussed, I’d be consigned immediately to, well, heck. 😉
As a result, at 52, I have a rather silly, albeit colorful, way of expressing my displeasure.
For example, rather than calling someone an _@$$h0le_, I might bring forth: You **Cheeselog**!!!
Or if I need an expletive, I might try **Cheeze Louise** or **Razzenfratz** (which has lots of angry consonents within)
Other effective expressions I’ve used include:
[ul]
[li]Bite my big toe![/li][li]Way to go, Skippy! (not our beloved mod)[/li][li]mmmrfrmmfmrrffmrm (that’s a rather strangled, mumbled growl)[/li][/ul]
So, share your non-cussin’ cussin’ - I’m sure you’re more creative than I am.
Although I do think Cheeselog is a good one. 😃
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### Author:  [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/2 "2006-08-03T00:47:09Z")
Two that I picked up from old British films:
_What the duece is going on here!?!_
_Well dash it to pieces!_
And from a middle-aged American film:
_What in the wide world of sports is goin’ on here_
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### Author:  [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/3 "2006-08-03T00:50:07Z")
I usually just say “blast” or “bugger”.
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### Author:  [@Rachael\_Rage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachael_Rage)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/4 "2006-08-03T01:00:01Z")
This may be a little too close to the real thing for comfort, but my parents have taken to using the word “feck” or “fecking” to replace the obvious. I don’t know if it is any cleaner than the real thing, but it sure is funnier.
They started this after reading _The Cripple of Inishmaan_ by playwright Martin McDonagh, which is written in a more-or-less phonetic Irish accent.
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### Author:  [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/5 "2006-08-03T01:00:38Z")
Some of my favourite euphemisms:
- Smeg (and related Red Dwarfisms)
- Bugger (or Bugger Me!)
- Wanker
- Bollocks (Yes, I love Britishisms in general)
- Funk & Wagnall
- Son of a Biatch
- Shittake (or Shih-tzu)
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### Author:  [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/6 "2006-08-03T01:09:12Z")
My lady-like granny belts out “Well, God bless America!” when she’s particularly irked. She says it like it’s the most foul oath you can imagine.
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### Author:  [@Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Purl_McKnittington)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/7 "2006-08-03T01:23:39Z")
I’m inordinately fond of saying “suffering cats” as a replacement for “suffering Christ.” (Yes, I’ve seen _Shakespeare in Love_ a few too many times.) “Jeezum crow” is a pretty good, too.
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### Author:  [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/8 "2006-08-03T01:32:35Z")
Fricky-Fry!
For the love of Ned.
and when I’m really pissed:
Judas Iscariot in the _frickin’_ witness protection program, what the _freak_ do you think you’re doing?
I’ve come up with a few of them, because I work at a circulation desk in a large academic library, and that means lots of people to get offended when I mouth off.
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### Author:  [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/9 "2006-08-03T01:45:23Z")
I worked with little kids for quite a while, and I ended up saying “Oh dear” a lot. Actually, I still do. Today, in fact, I knocked something into the toilet and said: “Oh dear,” half-second pause “fuck!” so maybe it’s wearing off 😃
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### Author:  [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/10 "2006-08-03T02:11:06Z")
A lady my mom worked with used to exclaim “SUGAR JETS!”
I’m also fond of “God bless America!” as an alternative to the more vulgar version, once you’ve already committed to the first syllable.
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### Author:  [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/11 "2006-08-03T02:12:46Z")
Sometimes I can control the urge enough to squeeze out a “Cheese & Crackers” or “Criminy” (sp?).
What I’d like to master is the language used by the girl on _Futurama_ that mutters something that sounds like an Far Eastern Language under her breath. Also on Firefly, they occasionally say something similar to this. I don’t know if it is really a language or not but it makes me laugh. 😃
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### Author:  [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/12 "2006-08-03T02:22:02Z")
Usually pretty spontaneous - which is to say, I’m not steamed enough right now to go using any of that farking language about those freaking nincompoops I have to deal with on a daily business. Holy mackeral! You’d think they’d have the sense that God gave Jello, but nooo… those idiots couldn’t pound clay with a sledge hammer! Arrrgghhhh!
Which is to say, it can come out pretty dumb, sometimes. But I do feel better - silly, but better.
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### Author:  [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/13 "2006-08-03T02:42:30Z")
> [@Cunctator](#):
>
> I usually just say “blast” or “bugger”.
:eek: Bugger is even worse than fuck…technically. I mean it’s an unnatural act.
Not to say I don’t use it all the time (along with bloody…that works to). Americans don’t seem to find it offesive. And anyway I’m in favour of unnatural acts.
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### Author:  [@Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ins_Outs_What-have-yous)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/14 "2006-08-03T03:33:12Z")
Aww **Hel** ena, Montana **got dam** aged by fire!!!
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### Author:  [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/15 "2006-08-03T03:37:10Z")
Mine aren’t original, but they work…
“Mother pus-busket” (Ghostbusters)
“By the Preforated Balls of Saint Sebastian” (Glory Road)
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### Author:  [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/16 "2006-08-03T03:41:33Z")
_Belgium!_
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### Author:  [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/17 "2006-08-03T03:45:32Z")
Pizzleshish!
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### Author:  [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/18 "2006-08-03T03:47:13Z")
Since many of my occasions for swearing happen at work, and I teach 7th grade, I have to use some very lame substitutions. My students laugh at my “oh for the love of Pete!” and want to know who Pete is. I have no idea, actually.
I may have to start using, “well, God bless America!” in the most old ladyish voice possible, though, because I can hear it in my head and it cracks me up.
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### Author:  [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/19 "2006-08-03T04:50:07Z")
I’m not very creative in the suitable-for-airline-movie swears department. When I have to, I’ll usually say “aargh.” Yeah, just “aargh,” as if it were a word in the dictionary. Or “drat.”
I don’t swear all that much anyhow in company — I figure there’s no point in over-using profanity, because then it becomes less… profane.
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### Author:  [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-cuss-when-you-dont/367109/20 "2006-08-03T04:59:07Z")
> [@Nic2004](#):
>
> Also on Firefly, they occasionally say something similar to this. I don’t know if it is really a language or not but it makes me laugh. 😃
How to [cuss in Chinese](http://fireflychinese.home.att.net/).
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