# How do you deal with a Bi-sexual spouse? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 31, 2004, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-bi-sexual-spouse/237491 "2004-03-31T08:18:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-bi-sexual-spouse/237491/61 "2004-04-01T15:13:22Z")
Thanks Indygrrl šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Winterwren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Winterwren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winterwren)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-bi-sexual-spouse/237491/62 "2004-04-01T15:14:10Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > How do you deal with a bisexual spouse? The same way you deal with a non-bisexual one. When you walk in on them having sex with someone else (assuming the two of you havenā€™t pre-agreed to the whole poly thing), you figure out whether itā€™s possible to fix things between you, whether you even _want_ to try to fix things, or if youā€™re better off just kicking their cheating asses to the curb. _Who_ your spouse is fucking around on you with is a minor matter compared to the fact that your spouse is fucking around on you. Working my way through the comments on this thread, I have to say that youā€™ve expressed my feelings eloquently and succinctly! ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-bi-sexual-spouse/237491/63 "2004-04-01T15:27:38Z")
As a bisexual female in a monogamous relationship, I have HUGE qualms with the idea of introducing a third person in my relationship, whether it be for sexual purposes or as an additional significant other. I am not into a polyamorous relationship, and I am very much against having an open relationship with anyone. Cheating is cheating, no matter how itā€™s done. Bisexuality is no excuse for promiscuous behaviour, and Iā€™m quite unhappy that people just _assume_ that Iā€™ll sleep with anyone or cheat on my boyfriend because Iā€™m bisexual. Inviting a third person into a relationship for a threesome is a tricky topic, but itā€™s a situation thatā€™s complicated in its own right, and doesnā€™t often end well. I am satisfied with my significant otherā€™s abilities and have no need for a third person in the bedroom. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-bi-sexual-spouse/237491/64 "2004-04-01T16:06:57Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > No, she said, ā€œIf my husband was bi, there is absolutely no way he will ever change. Not gonna happen, no way, no how. I would also figure chances are at some point he would go all-out gay, because \*\*I have never seen \*\* a married bisexual STAY bi. They always ended up leaving their spouse for their other lover. **I realize this is surely not the case with all bisexual married people**. However, I am not willing to stick around and put my health and sanity at risk to find out.ā€. Even with the whole quote, it still seems to imply that the majority of bi-sexuals cheat. > [@Indygrrl](#): > > Not all of us completely understand bisexuality. It doesnā€™t make us Hitler. Lol. I agree. ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-bi-sexual-spouse/237491/65 "2004-04-01T20:06:53Z")
**Even with the whole quote, it still seems to imply that the majority of bi-sexuals cheat.** I didnā€™t _(#%_#(% say that the majority of bisexuals cheat. Would you stop LOOKING for a reason to get offended? ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-bi-sexual-spouse/237491/66 "2004-04-01T20:31:35Z")
> [@Abbie Carmichael](#): > > **Even with the whole quote, it still seems to imply that the majority of bi-sexuals cheat.** > > I didnā€™t _(#%_#(% say that the majority of bisexuals cheat. No, you didnā€™t. However ( and please donā€™t think Iā€™m piling on, Iā€™m just trying to clarify ), it is easy to see why it might be interpreted that way. The salient point is your implication that a bisexual mate would be different than a heterosexual mate. But there is no particular reason to suppose that would be the case. Do you think there is a ā€œthe grass is always greenerā€ syndrome at work? Because that also enters into it for heterosexuals as well. A bisexual is simply someone who finds members of boths sexes sexually attractive, not necessarily someone who _must_ have sex with both sexes to be happy. - Tamerlane ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-bi-sexual-spouse/237491/67 "2004-04-01T20:32:16Z")
> [@Abbie Carmichael](#): > > **Even with the whole quote, it still seems to imply that the majority of bi-sexuals cheat.** > > I didnā€™t _(#%_#(% say that the majority of bisexuals cheat. > > Would you stop LOOKING for a reason to get offended? lol. All Iā€™m saying is thatā€™s the impression I got from your quote. Now if you donā€™t mean it, which you donā€™t, then fair enough. šŸ™‚ \<----- Happy smile to indicate no hard feelings. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-bi-sexual-spouse/237491/68 "2004-04-01T22:15:43Z")
I am lesbian. My wife is bi. Our relationship is monogamous because that is what we agreed to. She has never cheated, in this marriage or her previous marriage to a man, which ended for reasons having nothing to do with orientation. Throughout both these marriages, she has been bi. I have no more concern about her cheating on me than I would about a lesbian partner cheating on me, or a straight male partner (if I were so inclined). I donā€™t really understand the point of the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/45deac/32.png) [@Evil\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_One)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-bi-sexual-spouse/237491/69 "2004-04-01T23:08:10Z")
My wife is bi. We play with others. We have agreed not to play without the other present. If she were to do this, I would consider it an emotional betrayalā€¦and therefore cheating. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-bi-sexual-spouse/237491/70 "2004-04-02T06:34:15Z")
> [@Starguard](#): > > **Question:** ā€¦ what would you do if you came in and found your spouse having sex with someone **who was the same sex as themselves?** Shocked! _Shocked_ I say! Esprix ---
**Author:** ![jellytoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb9ed0/32.png) [@jellytoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellytoes)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-bi-sexual-spouse/237491/71 "2004-04-02T16:08:03Z")
> [@pepperlandgirl](#): > > Iā€™d be hurt, mainly, because he didnā€™t tell me. Iā€™d tell himā€¦shoot, I _told_ him there is a certain woman in my life that I would totally have sex with if at all possible. Iā€™d expect the same kind of trust and honesty from him. > > And then Iā€™d be turned on, because gay sex (of either sex) turns me on. And then Iā€™d be angry because I wasnā€™t invited to join. And then Iā€™d be turned on again. Really, whether they walk out of the situation alive with depend wholly on whether Iā€™m invited to join. > > And then weā€™d have to have a serious talk because of the aforementioned trust/honesty thing. Iā€™m right with you there. Iā€™m a bisexual woman and in a committed relationship with a man (who choses not to worry about his sexuality). We have it all worked out. But cheating is cheating. If he did something outside of our ā€˜agreementsā€™ Iā€™d be right pissed, and jealous. Iā€™d expect the same reaction from him. ---
**Author:** ![Kinthalis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kinthalis/32/16084_2.png) [@Kinthalis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kinthalis)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-bi-sexual-spouse/237491/72 "2004-04-02T19:06:09Z")
I agree. Cheating is cheating. I would react in exactly the same if my girlfriend was cheating on me with a woman or a man. Now, if you have the kind of relationship where this kind of behaviour is ok, then walking home to find your lover straddling another person in the throws of passion is not going to bother you one bit, because, byu the terms of your relationship, itā€™s not cheating. Thatā€™s definately not me though šŸ™‚ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-a-bi-sexual-spouse/237491.md?page=3)