# How do you deal with liars? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 31, 2015, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439 "2015-03-31T18:54:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/1 "2015-03-31T18:54:59Z")
A few times I have run across people either in college or now in business who are just liars that range from unimportant stupid things to making up situations, jobs, and accomplishments that are untrue. One thing I have noticed about them, is that they seem to have their lies well rehearsed. Either they have put a great deal of thought to these lies or they have rehearsed tell them to other people or perhaps in front of a mirror like a performance would be my guess, because when I hear them referenced the information the best I can remember is exactly the same. Now, I’m not talking about lies about things like their own weight or stuff that’s personal. And I’m not talking about questions you ask to them directly, just _stories_ that you know are complete BS while listening to them or you find out soon they aren’t true. Here are some of the lies I’ve been told which I later found out were untrue from a third-party: Story: This guy grew up in the same area as me, but at a different time, and when I mentioned about the high school there he claimed he also went to that high school. Then told me a story about something which happen to him in class with students where he won over a bunch of rowdy students over and became friends with them. Truth: He did grow up in the same area, that was true, but he never went to high school at all and dropped out of school in middle school and never got a GED. So the claiming of going to any high school and his story were just a lie. Story: This guy claimed when he was in college he did so well by showing up a faculty member, he was asked by the Dean to take over that instructor’s class after firing him. Truth: He went to the college, didn’t finish his degree and dropped out. He never taught there or took over a class for anyone. Story: This guy who is in his 30s said when he was 18 years old he was dating a girl from a wealthy family from Europe (I forget the country). He was getting along with her fine, and her family offered for him to come live with them and support him while he went to college. She was tragically killed in a car accident. But her family liked him so much they still extended the offer for him to come there and they would support him while he went to college. He was going to take them up on their offer, but claimed his father told him not to go and he was needed at home instead. So he never took them up on their offer and that’s the reason why he never went to college. Truth: I know this guy’s brother who is a little order than him and he said the entire story is complete BS. His brother never dated a girl who was from another country and no one he dated was killed in a car accident. Story: This guy has been claiming that decades ago when his brother-in-law was struggling financially, he sent money to him to help him pay for college. Truth: The brother-in-law did finish college and has had successful employment since then. At the time this would have occurred the guy in this story was still living at home with his parents not working and wouldn’t have had any money to do such a thing. I know the brother-in-law and he denies that he ever got any money from this guy for college or anything else. In fact, he said all his money for college was paid done through loans, which he was still paying off. Story: This guy moved to town to take a contract job in IT, he said he bought the home he was living in and even discussed mortgage interest rates claiming he got the same rate I just did for my home. Truth: He never bought the home, it was never for sale and he was just renting. I was told this by a mutual friend who happen to know he was living across from a member of his family and he knew the whole history of that rental property. Have you been told lies like this? I personally am surprised people would tell lies like this to begin with. I don’t see what there is to gain by doing so, and they are such BS in most cases you know they can’t be true. Or you could easily find out they aren’t true or the truth just comes out. How do you deal with these lairs? Do you just let them tell their lie and let it go, do you confront them? Do you question them to catch them? Do you just go along with it? Or do you just ignore it? Also, do you remain in contact with those people? Do you return their phone calls? Have they missed their calling as novelists? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/2 "2015-03-31T19:53:44Z")
Some guys are very good liars and they tend to build a life around several lies. When they tell the stories it is almost like they are not lieing because they have plugged that story into their history somehow. I know of a number of guys who have done this. ``` I know of a few guys who are not honest about their education but they do seem to have educated themselves somehow. I see them in a different class even though they are lieing. I have a few stories in my own life I never tell because they would sound like BS if someone told them to me. I have a very close relative that I cannot even look in the eye the minute he starts talking. Everthing that comes out of his mouth is BS. The older I get the harder it is for me not to call BS. He is also hyper sensitive and defensive so not worth the battle. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/3 "2015-03-31T20:10:20Z")
One person has been tranparently lied to by so many different individuals. Should I believe this? ---
**Author:** ![Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emtar_KronJonDerSohn)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/4 "2015-03-31T20:28:52Z")
I had a friend who did this a lot. I would tune him out, point out the flaw at the end of his story (I talked to you on your phone 6 hours ago, how did someone steal it and rack up almost 2000 minutes of international calls in 360 minutes or less?) then I would change the subject before he could come up with an amendment to the story. (You’re full of shit, you’re busted, here’s a generous out where you can save face, but I’m not stupid bro) As time went on he didn’t get the constant ongoing hint and it really got to the point where everything that came out of his mouth was an implicit insult to my intelligence and I dropped him. I ran into him a few years later and we had a beer. He said he was the owner of a well known local business and he lived in a giant McManson in a hot part of town and had this fancy car and that fancy bike and he only drove a beat down Hyundai to the bar because he was picking it up from the shop where he was getting it fixed for a friend. I said I had to get running for some reason and he offered to get the tab. After his first two cards were declined and he offered a story about his identity being stolen frequently I told him he could pay next time, put cash on the bar, and got back out of contact with him. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/5 "2015-03-31T20:38:29Z")
Its easy to see what they would gain. Those stories make them look good, competent, magnanimous, smart, etc. Call them out on it. Make them create lie after lie to support their claims, see how far you can push that. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/6 "2015-03-31T21:10:25Z")
My local science fiction club, for a number of years, seemed to attract them like moths to the flame. A guy who produced movies. (No, he didn’t.) A guy who was a corporate lawyer. (No, he wasn’t.) A guy who’d been a Green Beret in Vietnam. (No, he hadn’t.) The rest of us learned to deal with it by gossiping behind these guys’ backs. “So, did you hear what XYZ claimed?” “Haw! He told me something different!” etc. A self-defense information-sharing network, before the internet age. This heightened level of skepticism was hurtful to people who had really accomplished good things, but we learned how to balance our doubt. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/7 "2015-03-31T22:12:18Z")
I used to run into people like the OP describes when I was the Prime Minister of Uruguay. I’d usually just have them shot, unless my wife, who was a world-renowned super model, asked me to spare their lives. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/8 "2015-03-31T22:21:46Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > Its easy to see what they would gain. Those stories make them look good, competent, magnanimous, smart, etc. > > Call them out on it. Make them create lie after lie to support their claims, see how far you can push that. I would do this, but the lies sound so pathetic to me. I actually feel sorry for them. Now if the lies were about someone else to do harm to their reputation I would feel differently about it. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/9 "2015-03-31T22:28:53Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > My local science fiction club, for a number of years, seemed to attract them like moths to the flame. > > A guy who produced movies. (No, he didn’t.) > A guy who was a corporate lawyer. (No, he wasn’t.) > A guy who’d been a Green Beret in Vietnam. (No, he hadn’t.) > > The rest of us learned to deal with it by gossiping behind these guys’ backs. “So, did you hear what XYZ claimed?” “Haw! He told me something different!” etc. A self-defense information-sharing network, before the internet age. > > This heightened level of skepticism was hurtful to people who had really accomplished good things, but we learned how to balance our doubt. That reminds me of another one I forgot about. A friend told me he worked at a place doing IT and there was a low-level guy working there doing stuff like pulling cable and replacing PCs that needed repair. He claimed he used to be on the US Ski Team and would tell stories. They found out he never was, but they didn’t confront him on it, they just ignored him. Another one, this guy told everyone he was going to be pre-med in college and would go on to medical school to become a doctor. He did two years at a community college and dropped-out but for years afterwards he continued to tell everyone he was in medical student in medical school. The worst thing about this, is the guy’s own family started repeating this lie to others. It was so stupid, if you didn’t graduate college it’s highly unlikely that you’d be attending medical school in the US. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/10 "2015-03-31T22:29:55Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > One person has been tranparently lied to by so many different individuals. Should I believe this? I question the truthfulness of your observation in this matter. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/11 "2015-03-31T22:34:39Z")
> [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](#): > > I had a friend who did this a lot. I would tune him out, point out the flaw at the end of his story (I talked to you on your phone 6 hours ago, how did someone steal it and rack up almost 2000 minutes of international calls in 360 minutes or less?) then I would change the subject before he could come up with an amendment to the story. (You’re full of shit, you’re busted, here’s a generous out where you can save face, but I’m not stupid bro) As time went on he didn’t get the constant ongoing hint and it really got to the point where everything that came out of his mouth was an implicit insult to my intelligence and I dropped him. > > I ran into him a few years later and we had a beer. He said he was the owner of a well known local business and he lived in a giant McManson in a hot part of town and had this fancy car and that fancy bike and he only drove a beat down Hyundai to the bar because he was picking it up from the shop where he was getting it fixed for a friend. I said I had to get running for some reason and he offered to get the tab. After his first two cards were declined and he offered a story about his identity being stolen frequently I told him he could pay next time, put cash on the bar, and got back out of contact with him. That’s a very good example, thanks for sharing it. In those situations, it would be fairly easy for the guy to be found out he is lying. The pressure put on him to continue to make up more lies must be very stressful I would imagine. I wonder what they are even concerned if the listener to the BS is being convinced or not? It must not bother them, because after being caught in a lie you’d figure they would stop doing that. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/12 "2015-03-31T22:40:19Z")
What you are describing is the “pathological liar”. The only good way of dealing with such a person is to avoid them as much as possible. > **[Pathological lying](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathological_lying)** > > Pathological lying, also known as mythomania and pseudologia fantastica, is a chronic behavior in which the person habitually or compulsively lies. These lies often serve no obvious purpose other than to paint oneself as a hero or victim, depending on the circumstance. Pathological lying has been defined as: "a persistent, pervasive, and often compulsive pattern of excessive lying behavior that leads to clinically significant impairment of functioning in social, occ It was first described in the ... ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/13 "2015-03-31T22:58:17Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > What you are describing is the “pathological liar”. The only good way of dealing with such a person is to avoid them as much as possible. > > [Pathological lying - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathological_lying) Yes, this sounds like it. Thanks for posting a link to it too. That must be a horrible existence to have to invent things constantly on-the-fly like that. Some people can come up with lies so quickly and easily it’s surprising. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2015, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/14 "2015-04-01T00:50:03Z")
I get it every day at work. Hell, if I had a dollar for every lie I have been told in the past 18 years working for the government, I’d be able to retire. I usually nod my head, smile, and tell people to prove it. Failure to do so can cause such things as jail time. That’s not to say some people have gotten things past me, it happens. When the lie is caught, though, I usually let them know I will now be on them even harder. And yes, some people just can’t stop themselves. They cloak themselves so fully in their story that even they can no longer separate fact from fiction. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2015, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/15 "2015-04-01T14:00:03Z")
> [@edwardcoast](#): > > Yes, this sounds like it. Thanks for posting a link to it too. > > That must be a horrible existence to have to invent things constantly on-the-fly like that. Some people can come up with lies so quickly and easily it’s surprising. Many people are taken in (at least, at first) by pathological liars because they simply cannot believe that anyone would lie so much and for no prospect of personal gain. My wife had an experience like this: she had a friend who solemly related to her, in utmost secrecy, a series of completely outrageous stories that were quite divorced from reality (and made this person out to be a heroine and a victim of several villans); for a while, my wife believed her, because who would make stuff like that up and why would they do it? Eventually, she had doubts, and confided them to me - I’d run into such persons before, and was able to confirm those doubts for her. Such liars can be problematic beyond the simple annoyance factor - they are telling you lies about other people, but you have to be concerned about the lies they are telling other people about you, as well. ---
**Author:** ![WilyQuixote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f9ae1b/32.png) [@WilyQuixote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WilyQuixote)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2015, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/16 "2015-04-01T15:40:29Z")
> [@edwardcoast](#): > > Story: This guy claimed when he was in college he did so well by showing up a faculty member, he was asked by the Dean to take over that instructor’s class after firing him. > Truth: He went to the college, didn’t finish his degree and dropped out. He never taught there or took over a class for anyone. I was told pretty much the same BS by a classmate in my final year of high school. He was full of similar unbelievable lies. I avoided him. I don’t know what his motivation was at the time. Sometime after school he dropped the outrageous stories. If he’s lying now, then its the same lies we all tell. ---
**Author:** ![Whitney\_Harper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@Whitney\_Harper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whitney_Harper)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2015, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/17 "2015-04-01T18:05:28Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > What you are describing is the “pathological liar”. The only good way of dealing with such a person is to avoid them as much as possible. > > [Pathological lying - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathological_lying) I agree, avoid them as much as possible, if you can, but of course, it’s harder if they are a relative, co-worker, etc. Also, try to get something in writing from them, because if you have something in writing from them that they have clearly lied about, they are caught, and there is no way they can deny it if it is in writing. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2015, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/18 "2015-04-03T15:58:07Z")
> [@WilyQuixote](#): > > I was told pretty much the same BS by a classmate in my final year of high school. He was full of similar unbelievable lies. > > I avoided him. > > I don’t know what his motivation was at the time. Sometime after school he dropped the outrageous stories. If he’s lying now, then its the same lies we all tell. This reminded me of another such story. This guy I knew suggested we meet for lunch. I arrive at the diner, and his wife was with him. I never met or spoke to his wife before. He previously told me all these stories which I had no way to know if they were true or not. He excuses himself to use the rest room and while I’m there his wife starts talking to me about what is going on in their life and without any prompting she is revealing the truth behind his lies. It was amazing, that he took the smallest of events that no one else would even care about and he made them into these stories where either he was the hero or his wife was the hero, or that he was an innocent victim. I lost contact with this guy and found out a few years later that his wife divorced him. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2015, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/19 "2015-04-03T17:01:46Z")
> [@edwardcoast](#): > > This reminded me of another such story. > > This guy I knew suggested we meet for lunch. I arrive at the diner, and his wife was with him. I never met or spoke to his wife before. He previously told me all these stories which I had no way to know if they were true or not. He excuses himself to use the rest room and while I’m there his wife starts talking to me about what is going on in their life and without any prompting she is revealing the truth behind his lies. It was amazing, that he took the smallest of events that no one else would even care about and he made them into these stories where either he was the hero or his wife was the hero, or that he was an innocent victim. I lost contact with this guy and found out a few years later that his wife divorced him. I had something similar happen with my second wife when I met her mother. When she walked out of the room her mother told me how her daughter makes up these fancy stories and I should just be aware. I should have listened to her. ---
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2015, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439/20 "2015-04-03T17:37:58Z")
I am totally reminded of [this guy](http://www.hulu.com/watch/271791). Who, BTW, is a close, personal friend of mine. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-liars/716439.md?page=2)