# How do you deal with over-helpers? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 24, 2014, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-over-helpers/679623 "2014-01-24T16:26:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-over-helpers/679623/41 "2014-01-25T19:38:57Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Don’t be thick in front of me. Obviously, when I say, “say” in this context, I mean ‘type’. Obviously I can’t hear anyone\* saying\* anything in this thread. You are quicker than this, come now. Pardon me for assuming you say what you mean. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-over-helpers/679623/42 "2014-01-25T20:20:56Z")
In the OP I am sorry to have to identify with the overhelpful character. I came by my neurotic behavior honestly, but it’s neurotic nonetheless and I know it bothers people sometimes. I’d really like to stop. As an overall appraisal of the situation I think you’re behaving perfectly well either to just tolerate it, or to politely ask if it’d be OK to have less involvement. Thinking of this from the point of view of the overhelpful person, I think it would be easier to get your message if you worded it something like “I appreciate your wanting to handhold everything, but the way I like to do things is more working it through on my own and being able to call for help when I need it. Do you think we could try it more that way for me?” As a neurotically overhelpful person, I’d find a request for a special version of help to be something I’d actually like to grant you. That said, I think we’re talking about quirky and irrational behavior, so YMMV. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-over-helpers/679623/43 "2014-01-25T20:22:28Z")
> [@j666](#): > > Pardon me for assuming you say what you mean. Oh, oh, oh, GOTCHA! I didn’t SAY anything. I TYPED IT! Haha. Get outta here. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-over-helpers/679623/44 "2014-01-25T20:33:19Z")
Use it in a sentence: “One of the _perqs_ \*of this job is fresh-_perk_ed coffee every morning.” Pronounced “per- **KWAY** ” to rhyme with “for- **TAY**.” ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-over-helpers/679623/45 "2014-01-25T20:46:09Z")
Sigh. Everyone in this thread is a comedian. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-over-helpers/679623/46 "2014-01-25T20:52:30Z")
While falling asleep tonight, I shall think of “per-KWAY”, and I shall smile. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-over-helpers/679623/47 "2014-01-25T22:08:46Z")
> [@Marlonius](#): > > I got lost on this one. I pronounce “forte” as “for-tay”. Am I a douche? Dammit, I keep missing the important _memoranda_. Dou-chay. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-over-helpers/679623/48 "2014-01-25T22:16:23Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Dou-chay. > > Regards, > Shodan Toosh! Well played. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2014, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-over-helpers/679623/49 "2014-01-26T18:05:00Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > While falling asleep tonight, I shall think of “per-KWAY”, and I shall smile. Picture it being said by the Par-KAY margarine tub. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-over-helpers/679623.md?page=2)