# How do you decide if someone is hitting on you versus being friendly? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 4, 2015, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230 "2015-05-04T11:47:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/21 "2015-05-07T14:36:20Z")
Yeah, I’ve no dog in the fight, just trying to explain why some guys behave the way they do. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/22 "2015-05-07T17:43:44Z")
If you’re an adult and any other adult of the opposite sex or a gay person of the same sex as you invites you to dine or drink with them, you should start off with a very strong presumption that it’s a date. There are exceptions, but they should all be pretty brightly defined. If it seems iffy, it’s an invitation for a date. For example, if your entire conversation with this person revolved around them being unemployed and how there might be openings with your own employer, they probably aren’t asking for a date. On the other hand, one of my best friends once accidentally went on a gay date because he thought an older man wanted to give him some career advice. Invitations to do anything besides have dinner / drinks / coffee are a lot more iffy. I wouldn’t immediately assume a woman suggesting we play tennis or that I try out her favorite yoga studio is looking for a date if she knows I’m married. If I were a woman I’d probably be more dubious about a man making a similar invitation. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/23 "2015-05-07T18:32:33Z")
Also they might just care less if you have a SO or not. I’ve heard that for many guys a wedding ring is practically a pickup line because women have the idea that since your married their must be something good about you. I’m guessing its because a man whos over 30 and married is 1. experienced at sex. 2. has no diseases, 3. may have had a vasectomy so no needing contraception. And in the last James Bond movie Bond said he preferred married women because they were “less complicated”. Never could figure that one out. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/24 "2015-05-08T00:53:32Z")
> [@Barnes66](#): > > Find a way to meantion your boyfriend in the conversation weather or not he exist.That usually does the trick The other option is start talking about the cheesy discharge from your yeast infection… ---
**Author:** ![mrldii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@mrldii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrldii)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/25 "2015-05-08T01:08:09Z")
“Is this [meal/drink/coffee] a ‘date’ or a ‘get-together’?” Depending on which they answer (‘date’ or ‘get-together’), you say, “Oh, sorry…I’m exclusively dating someone, and we don’t DO dates/get-togethers with others of the opposite sex. Eliminates misunderstandings, you know?” Or, agree to the get-together, if you’re truly interested in carrying on the conversation, but are not interested in _dating_ them, since they’ve already clarified it’s NOT “a date”. ~Voila~ Not rude, not awkward, not presumptuous…and you’re both now on the same page. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/26 "2015-05-08T01:51:27Z")
hell if I know. nobody’s ever hit on me so I don’t know how I’d handle this kind of thing. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/27 "2015-05-08T02:55:05Z")
If the person in question allows me to have sex with them, they are hitting on me. If they don’t, then they are just being friendly. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/28 "2015-05-08T13:37:16Z")
One of the problems with being a Dad is that get-togethers with kids is that it’s all Mom’s and while all the Mom’s are chatting away and talking about play dates and all, I as a Dad couldnt walk up to a Mom and say “can we get our kids together on a play date?” because it would be like hitting on them. I even felt uncomfortable in the group settings. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/29 "2015-05-08T15:38:02Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > One of the problems with being a Dad is that get-togethers with kids is that it’s all Mom’s and while all the Mom’s are chatting away and talking about play dates and all, I as a Dad couldnt walk up to a Mom and say “can we get our kids together on a play date?” because it would be like hitting on them. I even felt uncomfortable in the group settings. Seriously? Why would it be like hitting on them? I’ve had fathers say that to me, and said that to fathers, and no one ever thought anyone was hitting on anyone. In a situation where everyone’s got small kids, there’s a high likelihood that most of the adults involved are in relationships, so the possibility of being hit on (or being interpreted as hitting on someone) wouldn’t even cross my mind. The most that a playdate suggestion means about the adults’ relationship is ‘I think we get on well enough that we could chat while the kids eat Lego.’ What else could it mean? ‘Let’s put the kids in front of the telly while we bang each other’s brains out’? Maybe you live in a more interesting neighbourhood than I do… ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/30 "2015-05-08T15:49:59Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > ‘I think we get on well enough that we could chat while the kids eat Lego.’ You let your kid eat small pieces of plastic? Play-date’s over. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/31 "2015-05-08T16:27:35Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > hell if I know. nobody’s ever hit on me so I don’t know how I’d handle this kind of thing. Exactly. Thus I would automatically assume the person was just being friendly. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/32 "2015-05-08T16:27:58Z")
Um…you realise I was messing, right? ETA: I was talking to kayaker. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/33 "2015-05-08T16:42:00Z")
I guess this means you were kidding about banging each others brains out as well, then. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/34 "2015-05-08T21:56:02Z")
The banging brains out is fine, but surely you know I was kidding about letting the precious snowflakes watch TELEVISION?! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230/35 "2015-05-08T22:00:19Z")
I always assume she’s being friendly, because from my experience, no manner of “signal” (touching, eye contact, affectionate names, playful written sign-offs) has ever been read by me as flirting, correctly. I always misread it and something I thought was something was nothing. So now, I just assume it is never ever happening. And if I ever ask her out, it never ever occurs to her that it is a “date”. I am just being friendly and we’re just two amigos hanging out. So if I try to frame the conversation (during or after the “encounter”) in that context, they are literally blind-sided, as if by a semi. Never once did they think it was anything other than just platonic pals. So I pretty much have stopped doing that, too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-if-someone-is-hitting-on-you-versus-being-friendly/719230.md?page=1)