# How do you decide on conflicting social engagements? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 4, 2012, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-on-conflicting-social-engagements/636667 "2012-10-04T05:35:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-on-conflicting-social-engagements/636667/1 "2012-10-04T05:35:07Z")
Minor, but something I’m thinking over pretty hard. I have two usual gaming nights on Mondays and Fridays with different groups (and different types of games, of course). The leader of the Monday group just e-mailed us and informed us of the birthday of the group’s original founder (who sadly cannot play with us because of job schedule). The planned party includes the usual gaming, and at cheaper rates than usual (this is Magic: the Gathering drafting, so new product must be procured, and we play for small prizes depending on record, AND it’s first crack at a new set!). I’m properly torn. On one hand, the Monday event is a special event. OTOH, Fridays are my only shot at playing Friday style games, and I already had my usual Monday Magic fix, of course. OTOOH, cheaper potential prizes! OTOOOH, attendance at the Friday games are much more unstable, and I feel like I should contribute to it when I can so the hosts continue to feel that it’s worthwhile to keep holding (not that I have any proof of any danger to it; just a feeling). I’m not asking what I should decide (because that would be futile, though if you want to offer an opinion, feel free). I want to know how you all make these kinds of decisions, so I may better make my own. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-on-conflicting-social-engagements/636667/2 "2012-10-04T05:39:06Z")
What I did may not work for you: I got married and have her deal with any and all things social. My friends learned quickly never to run things by me, as I would just tell them to talk to the wife. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-on-conflicting-social-engagements/636667/3 "2012-10-04T05:46:48Z")
Oh, and in case I wasn’t clear (and I wasn’t, thanks to a missing word), the planned party IS on a Friday. I just called it the “Monday event” because it was for the Monday people. Context may be everything, but it doesn’t necessarily beat straight out confusing wording. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-on-conflicting-social-engagements/636667/4 "2012-10-04T07:22:02Z")
We usually try to make both. If that’s impossible, we go to the one that’s more “special” (a going away party would trump a birthday party, for example). We also think about which person or people we like more. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-on-conflicting-social-engagements/636667/5 "2012-10-04T12:58:32Z")
I usually just go to the one I heard about first. It always irritates me when I invite someone somewhere and they don’t let me know until the last minute because they’re waiting to see if they get an offer to do something else at the same time. If I’m invited and I want to go, I’ll commit to going. If I don’t want to go, I’ll say I can’t make it. But I won’t wait for something better to come along, then go to the first thing; that’s just rude. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-on-conflicting-social-engagements/636667/6 "2012-10-04T13:07:08Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > What I did may not work for you: I got married and have her deal with any and all things social. My friends learned quickly never to run things by me, as I would just tell them to talk to the wife. Same here, only replace “wife” with “girlfriend”. (Good advice in general, IMO) My gf knows me well and will typically pick the best option. She will sometimes switch at the last moment when she thinks I’d prefer the other. Good times. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-on-conflicting-social-engagements/636667/7 "2012-10-04T13:14:03Z")
You don’t mention what type of gaming you do on Fridays, if it something where your absence will impact that group that’s a very strong argument for staying with your regular plans. If it’s not an impact to the group if you’re away then pick the one you want the most as it’s a one time event vs a regularly scheduled evening the regular “whichever you committed to first” rule doesn’t apply. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-on-conflicting-social-engagements/636667/8 "2012-10-04T13:54:52Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > What I did may not work for you: I got married and have her deal with any and all things social. My friends learned quickly never to run things by me, as I would just tell them to talk to the wife. This. But if I had to make the choice myself, I’d go to the Monday Special and tell the Friday group that I’m not abandoning them, I just had a conflict. Shit happens and people understand that. ---
**Author:** ![Kiros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/439d5e/32.png) [@Kiros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiros)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-on-conflicting-social-engagements/636667/9 "2012-10-04T14:25:21Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > We usually try to make both. If that’s impossible, we go to the one that’s more “special” (a going away party would trump a birthday party, for example). We also think about which person or people we like more. 😃 Yup, this. A weighing of “which one matters more?” and “which one do I want to be at more?”, with a final adjustment for “what feels right?” if it’s still close. In this case? “Sorry, guys, I can’t make this Friday, a friend is having a birthday party. I’ll definitely be back next week!” ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-on-conflicting-social-engagements/636667/10 "2012-10-04T14:40:47Z")
[The Chumscrubber](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0406650/) is [[QUOTE=IMDB.com](http://QUOTE=IMDB.com)] A darkly satiric story about life crumbling in the midst of a seemingly idyllic suburbia. [/QUOTE] One of the interesting events is when one suburban woman has a memorial service for her recently deceased teen on the same day her neighbor has her wedding in her home (across the street). Neighbors have to decide which to attend, etc. ---
**Author:** ![thenonepercent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@thenonepercent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thenonepercent)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-on-conflicting-social-engagements/636667/11 "2012-10-04T15:08:13Z")
I solve these problems by never doing anything or leaving my apartment. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2012, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-decide-on-conflicting-social-engagements/636667/12 "2012-10-04T16:11:34Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > You don’t mention what type of gaming you do on Fridays, if it something where your absence will impact that group that’s a very strong argument for staying with your regular plans. If it’s not an impact to the group if you’re away then pick the one you want the most as it’s a one time event vs a regularly scheduled evening the regular “whichever you committed to first” rule doesn’t apply. Good question. It’s just board games, so it can be adjusted for attendance. But as I said, it’s my only opportunity during the week, and I don’t want to drop attendance too low and tempt anyone to think the event is fizzling out. (We’ve already lost a person or three thanks to babies.) OTOH, as I said, unique event. If it makes any difference, I don’t know the birthday subject hugely well; only acquaintanceship through the Monday event. But good points so far! I have 'til tonight to decide, so keep it up. 🙂 (Still, I have a feeling I’ll wonder whichever one I pick, so I might as well figure out which one I want to be at more.)