# How Do You Dispose Of This Puppy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 21, 2011, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-dispose-of-this-puppy/600396 "2011-10-21T20:54:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-dispose-of-this-puppy/600396/1 "2011-10-21T20:54:33Z")
See **Skald the Rhymer’s** [thread here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=628620) for origins of this hypothetical. **Skald** makes the claim that you save [this puppy](http://api.viglink.com/api/click?format=go&drKey=1259&loc=http%3A%2F%2Fboards.straightdope.com%2Fsdmb%2Fshowthread.php%3Ft%3D628620&v=1&libid=1319229946402&out=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.gotpetsonline.com%2Fpictures%2Fgallery%2Fdogs%2Ftop-100-dogs%2Fschipperkes%2Fschipperke-0021%2F&ref=http%3A%2F%2Fboards.straightdope.com%2Fsdmb%2Fforumdisplay.php%3Ff%3D12&title=Aphrodite%20offers%20to%20set%20you%20with%20with%20an%20adoring%20hottie.%20There%20is%2C%20of%20course%2C%20a%20snag.%20-%20Straight%20Dope%20Message%20Board&txt=schipperke%20puppy&jsonp=vglnk_jsonp_13192302049232) under the assumption you’re not a soulless monster. But I ask, what if you _are_ a soulless monster? How do you dispose of this nuisance before going about your other soulless tasks for the day? [Car](http://lh3.ggpht.com/-m_rBASLBjrs/Sq6hkMwENlI/AAAAAAAAAu8/7UJK5tZs_oM/Dragula.jpg)? [Bare hands](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Q7SmoKzTFPo/TdW3-edaBFI/AAAAAAAABlk/PLfIXLvN5Ko/s400/catfish.jpg)? [Lawn rake](http://www.scythesupply.com/images/products/rakes/6039_lawnrake.jpg)? [Something more creative and inventive](http://community.tradeking.com/upload/0001/0383/rube_goldberg_machine.jpg)? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-dispose-of-this-puppy/600396/2 "2011-10-21T20:59:30Z")
:eek: ETA: Ye gods, man, are you seriously trying to imply that I’m not evil _enough_? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-dispose-of-this-puppy/600396/3 "2011-10-21T21:08:22Z")
If the puppy is voiced by Kelsey Grammer, then lawn rake for sure. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-dispose-of-this-puppy/600396/4 "2011-10-21T21:08:52Z")
An easy and humane method for dispatching small animals is to lay the animal flat on the ground and gently pin it by the neck with a pole (a rake handle will do) with the head facing straight forward. Then quickly step on either side of the pole, grab the hindquarters of the animal and yank the body up and over the pole. Breaks the neck, severs the spinal cord and they die very fast with little pain. ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dread_pirate_jimbo/32/3897_2.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Jimbo)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-dispose-of-this-puppy/600396/5 "2011-10-21T21:35:32Z")
There are few things more satisfying than whacking another living creature across the back of the head with a shovel with all your might until it stops twitching. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2011, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-dispose-of-this-puppy/600396/6 "2011-10-22T17:26:33Z")
Looks like we’re the only soulless monsters 'round these 'ere parts. We got a lot of puppy disposal ahead of us! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2011, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-dispose-of-this-puppy/600396/7 "2011-10-22T17:35:43Z")
I think I’d have to go for the time-honoured classic, running over it with a car. Nothing like that double thump. ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2011, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-dispose-of-this-puppy/600396/8 "2011-10-22T17:49:09Z")
I’d give the puppy a fighting chance. Five minutes in a cage with an 8-year-old chimp starved for two days and forced into the cage with an electric prod. Evil enough? ETA: I just went to Skald’s original thread and clicked on the pic of what a schipperke puppy looks like. I… CAN’T… DO IT!!! OK, maybe a one armed starved chimp. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2011, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-dispose-of-this-puppy/600396/9 "2011-10-22T17:54:05Z")
Obligatory John Steinbeck reference. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2011, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-dispose-of-this-puppy/600396/10 "2011-10-22T19:47:35Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > :eek: > > ETA: Ye gods, man, are you seriously trying to imply that I’m not evil _enough_? All good supervillains know better. [Killing the puppy](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/KickTheDog) means you’re the bad guy, and is a setup for [karmic retribution](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LaserGuidedKarma). ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2011, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-dispose-of-this-puppy/600396/11 "2011-10-23T00:00:38Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > All good supervillains know better. [Killing the puppy](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/KickTheDog) means you’re the bad guy, and is a setup for [karmic retribution](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LaserGuidedKarma). I … have … standards. (Yes, I know there’s a relelvant TVTropes page; no, I’m not gonna link to it.) I don’t even _like_ puppies, and I’m still not killing one for no good reason. There have to be things you just won’t do. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2011, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-dispose-of-this-puppy/600396/12 "2011-10-23T03:19:05Z")
Does this mean I get the crown of Biggest Soulless Monster of the SDMB for even starting this thread? ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-dispose-of-this-puppy/600396/13 "2011-10-24T13:36:49Z")
I’d kill it with kindness, yes I would. Possibly it might die of embarrassment, first, though, what with the doggy cosplay we will engage in first. Although it’s not leggy enough for an [AT-AT suit](http://www.google.com/search?q=dog+ewok+costume&hl=en&prmd=imvns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=c2mlTs_pCsi18QOrjLH8BQ&ved=0CCsQsAQ&biw=1366&bih=568#hl=en&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=dog+at-at+costume&pbx=1&oq=dog+at-at+costume&aq=f&aqi=&aql=1&gs_sm=e&gs_upl=80597l81914l0l82545l5l5l0l0l0l3l586l2147l4-2.2l4l0&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.,cf.osb&fp=a0a0a0a47202b11e&biw=1366&bih=568), it has the right looks for the [Ewok costume](http://www.google.com/search?q=dog+ewok+costume&hl=en&prmd=imvns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=c2mlTs_pCsi18QOrjLH8BQ&ved=0CCsQsAQ&biw=1366&bih=568)!