# How Do You Fake Being British? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 30, 2009, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-fake-being-british/515791 "2009-10-30T23:45:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2009, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-fake-being-british/515791/21 "2009-10-31T04:31:06Z")
Have you read the Harry Potter series? Just don’t act like a Muggle and you’ll fit in just fine. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2009, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-fake-being-british/515791/22 "2009-10-31T04:49:39Z")
Study Dick Van Dyke’s performance in Mary Poppins. Classic… ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2009, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-fake-being-british/515791/23 "2009-10-31T04:54:12Z")
Pants! ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2009, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-fake-being-british/515791/24 "2009-10-31T05:38:16Z")
Don’t forget to throw in a casual mention of your butler using the wrong tonic water with your Bombay Sapphire, too. Oh, and feel free to start threads like “From whence can I obtain a supplementary bowler hat?” and “Knotted hankerchiefs: Which is this season’s pattern/colour?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2009, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-fake-being-british/515791/25 "2009-10-31T07:51:36Z")
Pip, pip - tally ho! I say, old chap, could you spare a gander at my motor vehicle? The bonnet, boot and the wing all need some repair. Excuse me, I have to go spend a penny. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2009, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-fake-being-british/515791/26 "2009-10-31T07:56:57Z")
Use the word “brilliant” a lot. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2009, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-fake-being-british/515791/27 "2009-10-31T08:01:24Z")
[How to be British](http://www.fullyramblomatic.com/features/bebrit.htm) Of particular application is this section: > [@Ben Crosshaw](#): > > Step 2. Mastering the language > > As you should know from the depiction of British people in American films and television, all British people speak Cockney rhyming slang at all times. This has gradually developed from idle inanity to full-blown language, and may seem slightly intimidating to the newly-arrived traveller. To help you get by, here are some all-purpose phrases: > > “Please direct me to the station” > “I enjoy frenzied masturbation” > > “I would like to order the chicken chausseur” > “You are an incredible tosser” > > “Good evening, officer, do you have the time?” > “Why don’t you piss off, you mound of execrable slime? I bet you don’t even know how to use that truncheon. Come on, let’s have a fight, you pansy.” > > “The government is doing a fine job.” > [Not applicable; you will never say this] ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2009, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-fake-being-british/515791/28 "2009-10-31T08:07:32Z")
> [@Ximenean](#): > > Labour: Uneducated prole from somewhere up north, the sort of person who watches ITV ‘ere, watch it cock or I’ll fetch you a bunch o’ fives across yer napper. Innit? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2009, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-fake-being-british/515791/29 "2009-10-31T08:27:12Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > I’m trying to impersonate (as a joke not serious Identity theft or anything) as a British person on an another internet forum. I’m pretending to be English, a Conservative, a middle-aged barrister from Bath, England. So what should I do to make it convincing? So basically, you would like us to help you lie about your background on another message board, right? Not cricket at all. Closing thread. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-fake-being-british/515791.md?page=1)