Oh and I prefer to be called Ms until I know someone and tell them to use my first name. I find it presumptuous when people use my first name. Especially salespeople. I usually get over it fast because I know some people don’t see it as disrespectful at all. It’s not the best first impression for me, though.
When I am a grownup, I will never ask anyone to call me by my last name. No one calls me that, ever. I will always just be Lindsay.
Anyway, how old is old enough to be called by an honorific? Am I, at 16, old enough to Miss [Lastname]? At 18? 21? Or is it just anyone older than the addresser?
I don’t know if this is on-topic or not, really, but I routinely address young people as Miss and Mister (Master being truly outdated) until I know them well. I didn’t even realize how much I did it until one of my Girl Scouts pointed it out. (And we’re talking third and fourth graders, here.) I’m supposing that my own upbringing so stressed respect and courtesy that it just comes naturally to me.
In other news, I have a few friends who absolutely insist that my child address them by their first names, and I have noticed that she tends to treat these adults like peers. She is much more likely to joke around with them, but she is also more likely to be disrespectful to them. Drives me nuts.
it’s not so much a superiority issue. there is formal and informal speech. i initially address most of my co-workers (bosses included) by their last names. that can change, but only if they allow it. no hard feelings either way.
this pattern is pretty much the same for most people i meet, of whatever age. however, the level of intimacy (familiarity) to be had with my co-worker Bill is a lot different than i’ll have with one of my son’s friends. the same goes for me and a vice-chancellor of the university- in this case, i am the one using the title, no matter how well i know them.
i’ll also second LifeonWry’s point about the general level of respect accorded to those adults who are on a first name basis with my kids (family excluded)- this generally lets the kids think that they can treat whoever it is like one of their school friends, complete with bad manners, language, etc.
but back to my original point- there’s a difference between formal and informal speech. kids need to learn the difference. we’re also very big on developing etiquette in my house- it might be somewhat archaic, but it will serve them well in the future and i make no apologies for that.
This has come up a couple of times before on the boards, and I am always totally shocked that there are people out there who want kids to call them Mr./Mrs./Ms. Lastname.
When I was growing up, I called all of my parents’ friends by their first names. Some of my friends’ parents preferred to be called by title and last name, so I did, but I always thought they were total weirdos.
FTR: I’m 31, raised on Long Island, and I live in Jersey.
Never in a million years would I expect some kid to call me Ms. Lastname. None of my friends ever introduce their children to me as Ms. Lastname.
I find the idea that using first names is somehow related to respect or roles absurd. Maybe that’s because in my experience, first names are just standard.
I’ll teach the Beansprout to call people what they prefer to be called, but I doubt it would ever occur to me to introduce someone to him by anything but their first name. I guess I’ll have to be more careful so as not to offend anyone!
I’m chiming in from the SF Bay Area, and I don’t account to having called any adult by their first name.
Probably because, although I’m nearly 40 I haven’t quite got the knack of all this “adulthood” business just yet, I’m not too fussed about kids calling me by my first name. Children of my friends call me “Auntie” plus my first name. Both cute and sad at the same time, given that they aren’t blood kin at all, and it’s just their parents trying to find something their kids can call me.
But, yes – I was raised that kids called adults by their first name, unless invited. I meet older folk these days, and still meticulously stick to the “Mr. Surname”, Mrs. Surname" jazz until I’m invited to use first names.
What I think is truly odd are kids being allowed to call their parents by their first names. The mind spins at that one.
At the ripe old age of 24, I find it odd when children call me a formal, proper name. Ms. Levins, or Miss Levins, or Miss Audrey just makes me feel like a phony Southern Belle wannabe. Or a schoolteacher. (Not that there’s anything wrong with feeling like a schoolteacher, per se, but since I’m not and all…)
Having said that, though, as a child I rarely called adults by their first names only, and I felt weird when they wanted me to.
I don’t have any friends with children, but my niece and nephews call me–obviously–Aunt Audrey, and I’ve never had a problem with that. It’s kind of cute. I imagine that my mother’s training would almost force me to make my future kids use some kind of title for adults unless they were specifically requested not to. I don’t see how I’m going to help it, in spite of my better judgment. sigh These parental strictures are shackles, I say. SHACKLES.
On first meeting, I am Ms. Surname.
Not Miss and not Mrs.
If I choose to (and I usually do, unless there’s a very good reason not to), I will ask you to call me by my first name.
It doesn’t matter what age you are either, (i.e, whether you are 6 or 60) that is what I consider the polite way to speak with someone you’ve just met.
JMHO.
I prefer to be addressed by my first name by everyone but telemarketers. My niece and nephews will probably call me by my first name with no “aunt” before it. In fact, that’s how I address my own aunts and uncles. I grew up addressing my parents’ friends by their first names, and their children did the same. My mom is a teacher, though, so she’s quite used to children addressing her as Mrs. LastName and Miss FirstName.
I think around here kids use adults’ first names. At our daycare, there is one set of parents that used the Mr. and Mrs. but they seem to have given up because nobody else was doing it. My son even gives nicknames to some of the parents and it seems to be fine. He calls one dad “Dan the Man” and one mom “Teeny” instead of Tina. He’s 4.
We (Mrs. KVS and I) have kids from families we are close with call us by our first names. We see them all the time; our kids are schoolmates, they play in our house, our kids play in their houses. We’re about a close as can be without being physically related.
We do have some friends that want their kids to call us Mr. and Mrs., and we don’t make a big deal about it.
I prefer using my first name.
I guess it also depends also on what books you read as you’re growing up. The juvenile fiction books I read as a child always had children addressing adults other than family members by a title and surname.
And on a subconscious level I guess I learned it also from reading Dennis the Menace comic books and the funny pages. Dennis Mitchell always addressed his next door neighbors as Mr. and Mrs. Wilson, never George and Martha. Henry and Alice Mitchell addressed the Wilsons as George and Martha. Likewise, the Wilsons addressed Dennis’ parents as Henry and Alice. Dennis’ friends Joey, Margaret and Gina always addressed those adults as Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell and Mr. and Mrs. Wilson.
Thanks for the input, folks. It was most enlightening.
I can’t imagine expecting my friend’s children to call me Miss ___. I think that would be unneccessarily formal.
I did go to a new doctor last week adn she told me just to call her Chelsea. I thought that was really bizarre.
Wow, I have the opposite problem that Green Bean has; I’m a little shocked that there are so many people who do go on a first-name basis with the kidlings. I was raised to always, always address adults with Mr and Mrs/Ms/Miss, and none of the adults I’d met through high school ever asked me to go on a first name basis with them.
With my relatives, at least those significantly older than me, it’s Aunt So-and-so or Uncle Thus-and-such. Here at work, it’s a mixed bag; some of the faculty prefer “Dr So-and-so,” and some of them go on a first-name basis (or, in a few instances, on a last-name basis, instead; my boss is “Rod,” the guy next to him in the hall is “Roitberg.”).
Right now, being still in my mid-20’s, I go on a first-name basis with most children I meet, but I rather expect this will change as I grow older. It feels a little odd, I admit, to be addressed as “Mr Lastname,” so I don’t use it. In fact, when I was a TA here, I occasionally had students who would refer to me that way, and I would not always even recognize that they were trying to get my attention.
Maybe it’s the difference in area (I’m on the KY/IN line near Louisville) but I have never been treated disrespectfully by one of daughters friends, nor have I been treated disrespectfully by any child (except said daughter 
) that I can recall. Children call me by my first name and I’m perfectly okay with that, because that’s who I am. I understand what you mean about formal/informal language, but unless you’re wearing a coat and tie or a dress, or better yet, a tux or gown, I see no reason why a person, even a child, should know what another person wants to be called. Formal language is appropriate for formal occassions and let’s face it, there just aren’t a lot of those in the lives of typical children, outside of school and church (if they attend either). My experience has been that people who get upset and demand to be called Ms./Miss/Mrs./Mr. <lastname> are likely to make the child they are addressing feel bad for something they couldn’t know. Of course, respectfully requesting a preference is no big deal.
In every day conversation, where the aim is simply to communicate, I see no reason why first names shouldn’t be used all around, but I will defer to a preference if is requested, though that isn’t the best first impression a person could make with me. Assumptions are going to be made in that event, on both sides, I’d imagine.
I must admit that it makes me uncomfortable to call my adult friends by Mr. or Mrs. They’re my friends, aren’t they? They call me Lindsay, I call them Judith or Kathy or Rob or whatever. (Oddly enough, I call my friends who are my age by Mr. or Miss as a nickname.)
One exception to the Mr./Mrs. thing making me uncomfortable is senior citizens. They’ve sort of earned the honorific, it seems to me.
Seriously, though, if it is that big a deal to someone, I’ll call them whatever they want.
I never knew that not dying was such an achievement.
I have never liked being called Mr. McGonigal by anyone old or young. That’s always bothered me. I associate with the youth from my Church constantly and they have come to understand that I don’t respond quickly to being called Brother McGonigal, but I will answer right away if they call me Don or Dj. Brother M. is okay though…
It’s kinda ridiculous to be playing a fighting game on the Gamecube with a group of youth and expect them to be all formal. I know there are a few parents who want their kids to show respect by using the honorific, but if they want their kids to really show respect, they should respect my request that they not address me that way. nods
I’m one of the weird ones who calls their parents by their first names. My brother and sister did it before me and I’m keeping up the tradition. It doesn’t bother them, doesn’t bother me, everyone knows who’s talking to whom.
A lot of times, however, I see this as a one way street, where the person insisting on the Mr/Mrs title does not include when addressing the person back. In school, all the teachers required me to address them by an honorific while addressing me by my first name only. I don’t really work well with respect being required at the same time it’s not given back.
In the work environment, now that I’m older, I always go by first name. I worked in an office where I had seniority over people who were upwards of 40 years older than me. There was never an issue when calling them by their first names. The only time I will go by surnames is when someone introduces themselves as Mr/Mrs such and so, at which point, I introduce myself as “Supreme Chancellor HideoHo”. It seems to me that if they feel that their parents having sex before mine requires a show of respect, then I feel that they could have the courtesty of calling me by my rightful title.
Of course, when names are not known, I go with Sir/Ma’am as it is only polite and easier to say than “Hey You”.