# How do you feel about the double standard of women attacking men? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 14, 2014, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478 "2014-05-14T23:26:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/21 "2014-05-15T01:11:30Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > Were the genders reversed and a woman got the upper hand over her abusive man, people would cheer her and hope she not only kicked the shit out of him but hopefully also cut his dick off. No, actually “people” won’t think that. At least, a lot of people won’t think that. Women committing over the top violence against men is also unacceptable. I don’t “cheer” anyone getting get shit kicked out of him (or her). I certainly do not approve of dick-removal. Women committing violence in excess of that needed for self-defense in a given situation should be subjected to legal penalty just as men are. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/22 "2014-05-15T01:15:47Z")
I had strong feelings for my gf. We were talking about moving in together. I blamed myself for making her angry. It was a toxic relationship and I’m just thankful I broke it off. I would have eventually fought back and thats not something I’d ever want to live with. > [@RTFirefly](#): > > I won’t say it’s a non-problem, but compared to domestic violence against women, it’s pretty minor. Most women just don’t represent a physical threat to most men; hell, as an average-sized 60 year old man with no training and little experience in fighting, I’m not sure I know a single woman I’d feel threatened by if she were to try to attack me without a gun or knife. (ETA: Admittedly, I don’t know any women with combat or martial-arts training.) IYE.But in an abusive relationship where a man is the abuser, the possibility of its being life-threatening is inherent.OK, so why didn’t you break it up much earlier? Were you worried that she’d track you down and escalate the violence? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/23 "2014-05-15T01:22:13Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > Was Jay Z hurt physically by the attack? If not, then he still has lots of options available after the fact, such as leaving her (they’re a couple, right? I don’t really keep up …). Just to clear up the confusion, they’re not a couple. Jay Z is married to Beyonce Knowles. Solange Knowles is Beyonce’s sister. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/24 "2014-05-15T01:24:01Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Most of the studies I’ve heard of show that the rate and severity of domestic violence are about the same for both genders. It’s just that no one cares when the victim is male. Cites, please? > [@](#): > > And what makes you think that such a woman wouldn’t use a gun or knife? Women in domestic violence cases tend to escalate to weapons faster than men, no doubt _because_ they aren’t as big. Because I wouldn’t be living with a woman with a gun. And if she used a knife, she’d have to totally attack me by surprise, because I could put distance and furniture in between me and her. Ultimately, I could simply get out of our shared house/apartment/whatever, and be safe. But since you’ve brought up lethal weapons, I’m sure there are stats on homicides by men against women, and vice versa. I haven’t peeked, but I don’t need to, to know which one predominates, whether they’re able to break domestic violence out as a category or not. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/25 "2014-05-15T01:31:42Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > I had strong feelings for my gf. We were talking about moving in together. I blamed myself for making her angry. It was a toxic relationship and I’m just thankful I broke it off. I would have eventually fought back and thats not something I’d ever want to live with. So you weren’t concerned that she’d track you down and kill you? I ask this because this is why so many abused women stay with their abusers - they’re afraid it will get far worse if they try to leave. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/26 "2014-05-15T01:59:51Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > WTH are the rules for men today? 😕 Are we still expected to stoically get slapped around and kicked by angry women? Take it like a man? I agree that there’s a disparity in how violence is treated when it’s woman on man. My brother had a girlfriend with a temper and was arrested twice when neighbors called to report fighting in their apartment. Both times, he was released once it was learned _she_ was hitting him, and both times they refused to press charges against her (no one would file a report). He ended the relationship after the 2nd incident. The cavalier attitude towards such violence means there’s no incentive for women to curb such impulses. And yeah, I can imagine the outrage if the police or media asked a woman who’d been hit by a man “well, what’d you do to set him off?” As for what you can do: as has been pointed out, there’s a power imbalance and, in my experience, when emotions are running high a woman can forget that. A passive demonstration typically cools things quickly, or at least causes a change in strategy from physical assault to verbal. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/27 "2014-05-15T02:00:27Z")
This is a British study. I’d guess America has typical averages. Boys/Men still commit more violent crimes. But the Girls/Women are working hard to catch up. > **[The Big Question: Why are girls committing more crime, and should we](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/the-big-question-why-are-girls-committing-more-crime-and-should-we-be-alarmed-829235.html)** > > Why are we asking this question now? > [@](#): > > The vast majority of offences are committed by boys, but just over one-fifth of crimes reported to Youth Offending Teams, which deal with children aged between 10 and 17, are committed by girls. The trend is sharply upwards, representing a 25 per cent increase on the 47,358 offences committed by girls in 2003-04. Last year, girls carried out 15,672 violent attacks (a rise of more than 50 per cent over the past three years) and more than one-quarter of all assaults by youngsters. They were also responsible for 19,722 thefts, 5,964 public order offences and 5,748 incidents of criminal damage. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/28 "2014-05-15T02:59:16Z")
This also happens in the grade school level where many times its the little girls who start something then turn on the tears and act like the sweet victim when caught. ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/29 "2014-05-15T06:49:51Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > This also happens in the grade school level where many times its the little girls who start something then turn on the tears and act like the sweet victim when caught. That was very common even in the 1950’s. Also in my house, I one older & 4 younger sisters. One brother that survived & one that died very early in his life. I was always bigger than all my siblings from an early age so I was really impressed with the fact that I was a protector and must never hit. It would have been way to easy for me to do some real damage without knowing I was. Looking back on it years later, I could see that my parents were very alert to who actually started what. It took a long time to get over that. The ARMY took the last of it. Now I am so over it that I have swung way over towards the “Some people just need killin.” side of things that I have to be careful the other way. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/30 "2014-05-15T11:21:32Z")
The joys of seeing feminist double standards. The always amusing Jezebel reported on it with this: > [@](#): > > There is absolutely no way to know what got Solange so angry and considering how secretive this family is, it’s doubtful any actual details will come out. But speculation abounds: is it related to long-held rumors of Jay cheating on Beyoncé? Did Jay say something to offend Solange? Is she just an angry drunk? Are they all used to this bickering? Because if this was the other way round of course they’d be asking these questions. And of course they would have lead with “maybe she cheated on him” or “she offended him”. Because obviously the reason why it happened is what is important, not the fact that she actually did it. There was some gobsmackingly choice comments as well until some sane heads came in and pointed out the double standards. [http://jezebel.com/solange-knowles-attacks-jay-z-after-the-met-ball-as-be-1575136934](http://jezebel.com/solange-knowles-attacks-jay-z-after-the-met-ball-as-be-1575136934) ETA: Just a little example: > [@](#): > > it looks to me like solange was basically defending beyonce for something; it’s really hard for me to imagine someone standing by so neutrally when there is a hissy fit going down, at your husband to boot. Beyonce just thought he deserved it, and that’s that. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/31 "2014-05-15T11:25:14Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > The Chris Brown incident was clearly over the top. He must have continued punching long after gaining the upper hand. He deserved being charged. It was not physically provoked from what I read. He outright abused her. I brought it up as an example of people minimizing physical abuse of women by men. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/32 "2014-05-15T11:52:18Z")
> [@amanset](#): > > Because if this was the other way round of course they’d be asking these questions. And of course they would have lead with “maybe she cheated on him” or “she offended him”. Because obviously the reason why it happened is what is important, not the fact that she actually did it. The fact that she did it is obvious in the reporting; there’s video and everything. The “why” is **maybe** interesting (at least to gossip-mongers) because it’s not a standard domestic violence issue - Solange and JayZ are not a couple. She doesn’t have a known history of violence, so it’s unique and thus spurring some discussion, though I certainly find the victim-blaming disgusting. I’d be wondering whether she took some drugs, whether she’s an alcoholic, maybe JayZ called her out earlier on horrendous behavior from those and she took the relative “privacy” of the elevator to retaliate. Personally, it looks like a straight-up assault to me, but since it’s not between a couple and no one is running to the cops, I doubt anything can be done. ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/33 "2014-05-15T11:54:55Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > The fact that she did it is obvious in the reporting; there’s video and everything. The “why” is **maybe** interesting (at least to gossip-mongers) because it’s not a standard domestic violence issue - Solange and JayZ are not a couple. She doesn’t have a known history of violence, so it’s unique and thus spurring some discussion, though I certainly find the victim-blaming disgusting. I’d be wondering whether she took some drugs, whether she’s an alcoholic, maybe JayZ called her out earlier on horrendous behavior from those and she took the relative “privacy” of the elevator to retaliate. > > Personally, it looks like a straight-up assault to me, but since it’s not between a couple and no one is running to the cops, I doubt anything can be done. Even if the why is interesting, the double standard is in the instantly jumping to “he cheated on her”. ETA: In fact, you need to get to the third offered reason until they manage to say something that criticises Solange: “Is she just an angry drunk?”. They then follow that up with “Are they all used to this bickering?”, because you know, this is just “bickering”, not violent assault. Where are they saying “is this because Solange is a violent person that physically assaulted someone with no provocation?” That’s right, they didn’t. Because, like so many feminist blogs, Jezebel is overflowing with double standards. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/34 "2014-05-15T12:06:17Z")
> [@amanset](#): > > Even if the why is interesting, the double standard is in the instantly jumping to “he cheated on her”. Before then continuing on to “Is she just a mean drunk?” It’s not like that article didn’t have unsupported hypotheticals towards both people. ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/35 "2014-05-15T12:11:46Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Before then continuing on to “Is she just a mean drunk?” It’s not like that article didn’t have unsupported hypotheticals towards both people. 1. That was the third thing they got to. 2. “Mean drunk”? The whole point is that this is not being reported the same way as if it was the other way round (I mean, in the next hypothetical they class the whole incident as “bickering”). To use the Chris Brown example, was he just “mean” or perhaps a violent bastard? I’d go with the latter, as you know Jezebel would have, yet the worst criticism they make of Solange is that she’s “mean”? MEAN? And that’s after speculating about Jay-Z being unfaithful. Seriously? Mean? ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/36 "2014-05-15T12:19:33Z")
My first wife became alcholic late in life. The last 5 years of marriage she was extremely violent. I wouldn’t hit her but when I restrained her I would use enough force to cause some pain. Like when I held her arms I would tighten my grip to make sure she felt it. If I was removing a weapon I made sure she got twisted around enough to get the point without really causing any damage. I found divorce to be the best defense. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/37 "2014-05-15T12:40:43Z")
> [@back\_to\_the\_egg](#): > > im pretty pissed off about it Solange, welcome to the Dope. You’ll find that most people around here are pretty welcoming. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/38 "2014-05-15T12:51:33Z")
> [@amanset](#): > > Because, like so many feminist blogs, Jezebel is overflowing with double standards. Jezebel is a “feminist blog” the same way that its companion site, Gawker, is a hard-hitting news source. Both are aimed at page-clicks and controversy. There’s some merit to them but you have to shovel out a lot of bullshit, idiocy, and outright trolling to find that. And yes, trolling Jezebel either as a he-man-woman-hater character or a men-are-always-scum character is extremely popular. ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/39 "2014-05-15T13:16:12Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Jezebel is a “feminist blog” the same way that its companion site, Gawker, is a hard-hitting news source. Both are aimed at page-clicks and controversy. There’s some merit to them but you have to shovel out a lot of bullshit, idiocy, and outright trolling to find that. > > And yes, trolling Jezebel either as a he-man-woman-hater character or a men-are-always-scum character is extremely popular. Unfortunately a lot of my friends seem to like linking to them on Facebook. I get a lot of it, yet somehow none of them have commented when I shared that article. Funny, really. ---
**Author:** ![VeronicaVanity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/74df32/32.png) [@VeronicaVanity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VeronicaVanity)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478/40 "2014-05-15T13:24:06Z")
I guess he must of made a comment and she didn’t like it? I agree with if a man hits a woman he’s hated but if a woman does I we just wonder why I know someone people won’t agree with me but I’ve always said if a woman can give she can take it. Never hit any one but seen it where a woman has pushed a man and he snapped which is understandable in my eyes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-the-double-standard-of-women-attacking-men/688478.md?page=3)