# How do you feel about women proposing to men? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 15, 2011, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471 "2011-02-15T17:59:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/41 "2011-02-15T22:14:04Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I wouldn’t want to do it myself, just because I think that deep down, most guys dream about their someday proposal the same way most women dream about their someday wedding. Umm, this I seriously doubt. And your second point doesn’t jibe with your first. > [@TruCelt](#): > > I’ve had 14 proposals (yes, 14) and none of them took the time to think ahead and really make it special. I woud like that, you know? I don’t mean hire a film crew and make it Youtube-worthy, I just mean, you know, make a reservation, and dress up for it. . . If they’ve been daydreaming about the proposing since boyhood, you’d think they’d at least put on some clean sweatpants. Maybe someone can start a poll asking if men dream about proposing, but I’m guessing it’s about 10%. The same frequency as that disorder from Superbad. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/42 "2011-02-15T22:14:21Z")
> [@Trubie](#): > > Someone knows better than to demand marriage. Why do you consider a proposal to be a demand? ---
**Author:** ![Trubie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/71c47a/32.png) [@Trubie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trubie)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/43 "2011-02-15T22:18:00Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > Why do you consider a proposal to be a demand? It’s a demand of sorts. Some women will outright say, not in the OP’s case, but women I know have said “Marry me or (insert threat) !” :mad: I take a woman proposing to a man as her say “You’re taking too long. Marry me.” It’s my opinion. You asked for opinions and I’m giving it. While I’m at it, I don’t think this type of marriage will last. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/44 "2011-02-15T22:18:39Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I’ve had 14 proposals (yes, 14) and none of them took the time to think ahead and really make it special. Wha’d you say? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/45 "2011-02-15T22:21:23Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I’ve had 14 proposals (yes, 14) and none of them took the time to think ahead and really make it special. There’s no value judgement in this question. I’m just trying to understand how you could have received 14 different proposals. Are you or have you ever been a stripper? ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/46 "2011-02-15T22:24:50Z")
> [@Trubie](#): > > Even if i did have Victorian views, I’m entitled to. The last time I checked people are allowed to have opinions and preferences. > > To me a lady is a person with grace and poise. Someone knows better than to demand marriage. So far, when someone’s disagreed with you on this board, you’ve said you’re entitled to your views. You are entitled to them. Recognizing that someone has a right to a given opinion is not the same as not questionning it or not disagreeing with it. It’s not in the least contradictory to think that someone has the right to think that the moon is made out of cheese while also ridiculing that view or arguing against it. If, whenever someone disagrees with you, you fall back on “it’s my view and I’m entitled to it”, you won’t last long on this board (or in any discussion). TruCelt, What would have made it special? ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/47 "2011-02-15T22:27:33Z")
> [@Trubie](#): > > It’s my opinion. You asked for opinions and I’m giving it. Absolutely. > [@](#): > > While I’m at it, I don’t think this type of marriage will last. Any type of marriage where the woman proposes, or the ones where a woman specfically has grown impatient with waiting to be proposed to? In any case, why do you feel that way? ---
**Author:** ![Trubie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/71c47a/32.png) [@Trubie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trubie)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/48 "2011-02-15T22:30:02Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > So far, when someone’s disagreed with you on this board, you’ve said you’re entitled to your views. You are entitled to them. Recognizing that someone has a right to a given opinion is not the same as not questionning it or not disagreeing with it. It’s not in the least contradictory to think that someone has the right to think that the moon is made out of cheese while also ridiculing that view or arguing against it. > > If, whenever someone disagrees with you, you fall back on “it’s my view and I’m entitled to it”, you won’t last long on this board (or in any discussion). > > TruCelt, > What would have made it special? It’s respect. There’s plenty of thing people say on here, some very stupid, and I don’t agree. I don’t quote everyone and ask why do you think that?! I know I won’t agree with everyone here all the time. I know people have their own personality, education, and personal experiences. So, I don’t have to ask people why they feel the way they do. However, everyone on here is so curious about my opinions. ---
**Author:** ![Trubie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/71c47a/32.png) [@Trubie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trubie)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/49 "2011-02-15T22:31:58Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > Absolutely. > > Any type of marriage where the woman proposes, or the ones where a woman specfically has grown impatient with waiting to be proposed to? In any case, why do you feel that way? The latter which can lead to a woman proposing. I think if you’re feed up with someone (for any reason), you’re probably better off not marrying them. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/50 "2011-02-15T22:32:57Z")
The old-fashioned view, that the man pops the question and the woman is taken by surprise (or pretends to), really did not reflect reality even back in the days when men were gentlemen and women were ladies and sex was something you didn’t talk about. In my case, back in the 1970s, I was the one who proposed, but I already knew what my then girlfriend’s answer was going to be – partly because she was the one who wanted marriage more, and I knew it. I find it hard to imagine couples seriously thinking about marriage where each doesn’t already have a reasonably good idea about what the other’s views on the subject are. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/51 "2011-02-15T22:36:57Z")
> [@Trubie](#): > > However, everyone on here is so curious about my opinions. It’s because you’re a special flower. ---
**Author:** ![Trubie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/71c47a/32.png) [@Trubie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trubie)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/52 "2011-02-15T22:39:02Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > It’s because you’re a special flower. You can thank my mother. She told me not to go with the flow. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/53 "2011-02-15T22:41:05Z")
If a proposal is indeed a demand, why is it okay for a man to demand marriage, but not a woman? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/54 "2011-02-15T22:48:20Z")
> [@Vihaga](#): > > If a proposal is indeed a demand, why is it okay for a man to demand marriage, but not a woman? Next thing you know, he’ll be offering his hand to her and then the knives come out. ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/55 "2011-02-15T23:22:44Z")
I “proposed” to my husband in the sense that I brought up the conversation that led to us saying “Yes, let’s get married then.” ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_Stimulus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Digital\_Stimulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_Stimulus)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2011, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/56 "2011-02-15T23:32:44Z")
One night, after living together for a couple years, my (now) wife took it upon herself and proposed to me, pretty much out of the blue. She tells me I got this look on my face, paused a few seconds, after which I walked out of the room. :eek: I had been contemplating proposing for awhile at that point, had a ring, but was waiting for the right time. I got the ring, came back, and…well, counter-proposed, I suppose. We’ll be 10 years married this July. While she sees the humor in it now, she’s still a bit peeved that I handled it like that. And justifiably so, but we giggle about it together whenever it comes up. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/57 "2011-02-16T00:30:41Z")
I proposed to my husband, almost entirely by accident. We had just moved in together a couple of months prior, and were spending way too much money at Bed Bath and Beyond. We joked a lot about how we should just get married and register for all the stuff we were buying. After one particularly expensive trip, on the drive home, he made the joke again. And I said “You know, we should just go ahead and do it. Shall we pick a date?” He said “Are you serious? Did you just propose?” I said “I guess I did.” The rest is history. Romantic, innit? ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/58 "2011-02-16T00:37:59Z")
> [@Digital\_Stimulus](#): > > I had been contemplating proposing for awhile at that point, had a ring, but was waiting for the right time. I got the ring, came back, and…well, counter-proposed, I suppose. We’ll be 10 years married this July. A counter-proposal, you say… :: rubs chin thoughtfully :: ---
**Author:** ![Tortuga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@Tortuga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tortuga)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/59 "2011-02-16T00:47:23Z")
I didn’t pick any of the choices–I think couples should do whatever works, whatever dynamic works for them. That said, women who complain about waiting for “their man” to propose make me want to shake them. Grow a spine, if you want it so bad, ask for it and if he doesn’t want it, then at least you aren’t wasting each other’s time anymore with disparate life/love goals. I proposed to my (now) husband. But we’re one of those couples who pretty much knew from the begining that there was no end. We consider our marriage really having its start the day we got our dog, which was a month before I actually proposed and after less than a year after we started dating. So, the proposition was just making my intentions official with an inexpensive ring and a pint of Chunky Monkey. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/60 "2011-02-16T00:48:59Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > A counter-proposal, you say… > > :: rubs chin thoughtfully :: Oh lord. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471.md?page=4)