# How do you feel about women proposing to men? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 15, 2011, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471 "2011-02-15T17:59:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/61 "2011-02-16T00:53:46Z")
I proposed, kind of, to my husband. We went together six years and probably would never have married until we decided to go look at houses, which were cheap and plentiful back then. (I was, technically, a fiancee as I had a honkin’ big diamond ring, but I would probably have been one of those eternal fiancees who never set a date). I told him I wasn’t going to be some shackup live-in if we did find a house, if I was going to make major changes in my life, give him my share of the money and be on the title, and move out there and have the child he wanted so badly, we would have to be properly married. So he said, “ok, make any wedding arrangements you want, just tell me when and where to show up”. We found a house we wanted right away, moved all our crap in, and after a month of living in sin got married at the home of the local justice of the peace. That was 24 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/62 "2011-02-16T01:01:50Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > There’s no value judgement in this question. I’m just trying to understand how you could have received 14 different proposals. Are you or have you ever been a stripper? Yuck! Far from it. No, but I was a blonde haired blue eyed beauty. I kept getting men who never really saw past my appearance, but who felt I was “perfect”. And for a man who just wanted the physical package, I was. Unfortunately for them _I_ was looking for a true partnership, with a man whose interested started with my personality and intellect, and to whom the physical was just an added bene. Never found him. There was one in particular who, when asked (in total surprise and shock at the propsal)\* why\* he wanted to marry me, said “I was looking at the pictures from my birthday party, and realized I was never gonna do better than you.” Yeah, um, no thanks. MichaelE - Just, like I said, some forethought. Anything that showed he had really tried to make the night special. A nice dinner, whether cooked or at a restaurant, flowers, even if they were daisies, a nice outfit, you know. Something that said “While I think we’re on the same page, I’m not taking this for granted; and it’s really important to me.” I guess most of the guys described above, while assuming that my physical appearance was all they needed, also assumed that their appearance or salary, or name, or whatever, woudl be all I needed. In almost every case, I felt commodified. Retch. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/63 "2011-02-16T01:08:09Z")
I would run. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/64 "2011-02-16T06:36:02Z")
I dunno. I think it makes a difference, but I don’t really mind. It’s not that it’s necessarily better if a woman proposes, but I do find I do better in relationships where I just do my thing and let the woman decide when we are in a relationship. Being in an area of society where I’m almost certain I’d have to propose, I’ve always assumed I’d wait until I was 100 percent certain the answer would be yes. I’ve known guys who will discuss the situation with their partner’s best friend or family before taking the plunge. And while having someone propose to me would eliminate that uncertainty, the uncertainty is kinda part of the fun. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/65 "2011-02-16T07:09:12Z")
I think it’s fine, but I’d never do it. I’d be too scared, to be honest about it. Also I am hopelessly old-fashioned and want the guy to do it. It doesn’t have to be on one knee and I don’t want a stupid diamond, but some sort of proposal would be nice. My boyfriend is even more old-fashioned than I am and feels uncomfortable talking about marriage in any direct fashion (even though we’re saving for a house and talk about kids and all that jazz). He once told me that he thinks it’s unromantic to talk about marriage plans - that the proposal should be a surprise. I’m pretty sure he’d be extremely surprised if I ever proposed to him, but I doubt that’s the kind of surprise he has in mind. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9de0a6/32.png) [@Electric\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Sky)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/66 "2011-02-16T09:55:29Z")
Aaah, feck, I accidentally voted “I am male, and I am opposed to or bothered by a woman proposing to a man”, which is so not the case; I was aiming for “I am male, and you left out Option Y! [please explain]”. This question is a bit hard to answer for me. I think I know \*one \* straight married couple of my generation, and in their case it was a mutual proposal. I always thought that it was bizarre it even mattered which partner proposed; I know there’s a lot of cultural baggage there, but in my circle of friends (which skews heavily queer and/or ‘alternative’) it’s just…not really an issue, AFAIK? ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/67 "2011-02-16T09:56:37Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > Any girl who just calls up a boy is just asking for trouble. I think it’s terrible, girls chasing boys. There’s nothing wrong with calling a boy. How’re they supposed to ever meet anybody? Let Grandpa hit them with the car? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/68 "2011-02-16T10:27:19Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I wouldn’t want to do it myself, just because I think that deep down, most guys dream about their someday proposal the same way most women dream about their someday wedding. I’ve had 14 proposals (yes, 14) and none of them took the time to think ahead and really make it special. I woud like that, you know? I don’t mean hire a film crew and make it Youtube-worthy, I just mean, you know, make a reservation, and dress up for it. . . So you don’t propose because you think (incorrectly, I imagine) that most guys dream of one day proposing but you also expect a guy to make a big deal out of his proposal to you? I don’t think your refusal to propose is for the guy as much as you claim it is. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/69 "2011-02-16T10:47:46Z")
I don’t know much about relationships, having enver been in one of any significance, but it seems to me the so-called traditional roles of women and men are ridiculous, and should be stamped out. ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/70 "2011-02-16T11:06:00Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > I would run. Why, if you don’t mind explaining? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/71 "2011-02-16T11:40:13Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > Since you often explain that you’re too scared to talk to girls, how’s a gal supposed to get a piece of your burning love and/or laserdisc player without talking to you first? He’s going to get [this t-shirt](http://shop.scarygoround.com/product/shy-but-worth-the-effort-shirt)and wait to meet a woman with the same shirt. They will sit together in silence and avoid eye contact for the first five or six dates. Eventually someone will say something and the rest will be history. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/72 "2011-02-16T11:41:28Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > So you don’t propose because you think (incorrectly, I imagine) that most guys dream of one day proposing but you also expect a guy to make a big deal out of his proposal to you? I don’t think your refusal to propose is for the guy as much as you claim it is. No, it’s really both. They are not mutually exclusive. Maybe the truth is the kind if guy I want is the kind of guy who does daydream about that. But seriously, have any of you ever seen some of the proposals on youtube? Maybe it’s not “most guys” as I’d thought, but the species does certainly exist. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/_Lqa_HBYLVY/maxresdefault.jpg "The perfect wedding Proposal") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Lqa_HBYLVY) https://www.youtube.com/embed/rOQb9F6EGcw?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/bQRR8gXlpgg/hqdefault.jpg "Weatherman proposes to news anchor... Live on the air!") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQRR8gXlpgg) ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/73 "2011-02-16T11:42:57Z")
Here’s one for you, I’m not really sure who proposed to whom in my marriage. We had been living together for about 10 years and had a house, car, dog and cat. She quit her job and needed health insurance and we decided to get married so she could be on mine, but I don’t remember any big proposal or anything. We just kind of made an amendment to the MOU. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/74 "2011-02-16T13:01:18Z")
I’ve had two proposals and I’ve proposed once so I obviously can’t say that women shouldn’t propose. I think it’s just a neutral thing and doesn’t really matter who does the asking, as long as both parties are interested. Glad to hear **jsgoddess** is the one to snag **Asimovian**. Smart woman there. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/75 "2011-02-16T15:07:22Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > Glad to hear **jsgoddess** is the one to snag **Asimovian**. Smart woman there. I have great taste in men. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_Stimulus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Digital\_Stimulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_Stimulus)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/76 "2011-02-16T15:12:28Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > A counter-proposal, you say… > > :: rubs chin thoughtfully :: > [@jsgoddess](#): > > Oh lord. Aaaand…my work here is done. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/77 "2011-02-16T17:17:16Z")
I could list the things I think are only appropriate for one sex to say or do on the back of a postage stamp. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/78 "2011-02-16T17:59:25Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > I could list the things I think are only appropriate for one sex to say or do on the back of a postage stamp. Surely you’ve heard of the [Barbie Liberation Organization](http://sniggle.net/barbie.php). They bought Teen Talk Barbies and Talking Duke G.I. Joes, then switched the speech apparatus. > [@](#): > > The BLO returned the altered dolls to the toy store shelves, who then resold them to children who had to invent scenarios for Barbies who yelled “Vengeance is mine!” and G.I. Joes who daydreamed “Let’s plan our dream wedding!” Cleverly placed “call your local TV news” stickers on the back ensured that the media would have genuine recipients to interview as soon as the news broke. Earlier coverage of the story indicated that the manufacturers offered to substitute “real” dolls for the altered ones. But none of the families wanted to switch back! ---
**Author:** ![Norse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norse)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/79 "2011-02-16T20:08:49Z")
This thread is a joke, right? Please, oh, please tell me it’s a joke! Or do you guys live in the 19th century? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2011, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471/80 "2011-02-16T21:29:02Z")
As of time of writing: Male - Would be OK if proposed to (options 1 & 2): 83 Male - Wouldn’t be OK if proposed to (options 3 & 4): 17 or 17% of both Female - Would be OK with proposing (options 1 & 2): 59 Female - Wouldn’t be OK with proposing (options 3 & 4): 28 or 32% of both Resolved: Women and statistics are sexist! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-feel-about-women-proposing-to-men/571471.md?page=5)