# How Do You Form Your Identity? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 26, 2010, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581 "2010-01-26T22:34:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RainGrowsBrite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@RainGrowsBrite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RainGrowsBrite)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/21 "2010-01-28T20:46:36Z")
Great topic… 1.) Lover… I love to love. I love my husband, my friends and my family. I strive to love all I can in life, though this is not to say that I am the most positive person. It’s more to do with my severe want to feel utterly content with my life, at its end. 2.) Reader…. Just like the OP… I read everything. I can’t stand not having something to read before I fall asleep or when I’m on the pot (sorry for the TMI). AND, just like the OP, I too will read every shampoo or soap bottle in the bathroom if I forget my book. I love being so into what I’m reading that I pull my book out when I have even the smallest wait time. BTW, I just read The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins…. AWESOME book! 3.) Social Butterfly… I love events…I like to socialize… I like to party. I’m pretty darned good at it too. I keep many many wonderful friends who are ready for good times, all the time. 4.) Creative Scientist… I love to be creative. In so many aspects of my life. It’s a huge part of who I am. 5.) Hilarity Follower… I’m obsessed with funny. I am funny (although this may not show up a whole ton on the Dope). I come from a huge family of funny. The ability to find funny in almost anything is a super power of mine (although my husband would tell you my super-power is finding the most expensive thing in the room). I’m very sarcastic, very open and very non-judgmental… which helps me to find hilarity in tons of stuff! Stand up, movies, dumb people, poop jokes… I love it! ---
**Author:** ![RainGrowsBrite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@RainGrowsBrite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RainGrowsBrite)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/22 "2010-01-28T20:55:24Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > 1. Pantheist / Atheist (hard to explain, but I can, if pressed) > . PRESSED! 😃 I understand each seperatly, but I would love to hear your thoughts on how they go together… not to hijack o’course… ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/23 "2010-01-28T20:56:35Z")
RainGrowsBrite, don’t forget the ability to _laugh at oneself._ Once one has this down, the Hilarity Quest is on and poppin’! ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/24 "2010-01-28T20:58:49Z")
1. Sincere - To me being sincere is being radical because almost no one is that honest about their beliefs. I’m not afraid (most of the time) to say unpopular things as long as I know I have good reasons for saying them. 2. Intellectually curious - Like most people on the dope I love learning about everything. That’s what I do most of the time I’m breathing so I’d say it’s a vital part of my identity. 3. Socially liberal - My position on economic policies is ever changing but I know how I stand on social issues. 4. Jewish (ethnically) - My parents and grandparents were all discriminated against in the Soviet Union because of their religion. They went through a lot and learn a lot because of it. Their experiences have definitely rubbed off on me. 5. Anxious - There is no me without my anxiety and all its baggage. I wish my identity was overwhelmingly positive, but it really isn’t. I don’t start every conversation by telling people I once had crippling anxiety issues, but when I think about the person I am, those issues definitely have a huge role to play. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/25 "2010-01-28T21:19:18Z")
> [@RainGrowsBrite](#): > > PRESSED! 😃 > > I understand each seperatly, but I would love to hear your thoughts on how they go together… not to hijack o’course… Well, Dawkins calls pantheism ‘sexed up atheism’. For me, it just means that I am perfectly willing to look around at me and you and the cosmos and all the rest of the star stuff and call it ‘god’. I have no delusions that it cares for me or thinks or has any ‘supernatural’ abilities whatsoever. But, I find it all so beautiful. The math, the science, the people the animals, the ocean… Until we all can define god to my satisfaction, I’ll go ahead and call it all god. It feels all so dramatic to me, and I think ‘God’ is about as dramatic a label as I could give anything. That said, god is impossible to really define…everyone has their own idea of him, I guess. The ways nearly everybody I know explain ‘god’ I don’t believe that exists at all. So, technically, I guess I am an atheist. Sorry for the hijack. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/26 "2010-01-28T21:29:08Z")
1. Curious - This is the side of me that enjoys learning things from books, the internet and experience. 2. Moderate - I tend to see both sides of an equation and am good at compromise. 3. Creative - This one tends to be one of my most immediately visible markers to others. Whether it’s music or visual art, it defines much of my free time and some of my work life. 4. Strong hetero woman - Think of pioneer women. They (and I) had the strength to survive (and thrive) in tough situations but maintain(ed) a soft, feminine side. 5. Loyal - Once someone is a friend (or sworn enemy 😃 ) it’s difficult to shake me. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/27 "2010-01-28T22:01:50Z")
In recovery Curious & Intellectual Progressive Transhumanist Isolated & Connected (not sure how to word this, but it is a big part of my psyche. Fromm’s work on this subject was really interesting to me) ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/28 "2010-01-29T01:50:08Z")
1. Creative. Both of my parents were artists, and I find that I’m happiest when I’m creatively problem-solving . . . making something that has never been made before. 2. Recovering Objectivist. For better or worse, Rand was a tremendous influence during my 20s-30s. The “intellectual breakup” was traumatic. 3. Gay man, in an LTR (22 years and counting). Totally “dominant” sexually, including BDSM. Also incurably romantic. 4. Politically, I’m a small-l libertarian who tends to vote Democratic. It’s very frustrating when I find myself agreeing with Conservatives, whom I loathe. 5. Somewhat socially inept. Can be anything from “wallflower” to totally hogging the conversation. 6. After my partner, music is the great joy of my life. If I could re-start my life, I’d be a composer. 7. Devout atheist, but culturally Jewish (only in the sense that it’s my heritage). 8. Have a sarcastic, irreverent sense of humor. ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/29 "2010-01-29T02:38:14Z")
Hmm, had to think about this one. Well, like many here, I can’t trim it down to just five so here’s what I’ve got… 1.) Nerdy, technical-minded, intellectually curious. Give me a scientific journal & I’ll be occupied for a while. I find technology fascinating, like what’s all the new stuff & how does it work & what materials are in it & etc etc etc 2.) Queer femme girl. For the longest time I’ve identified as lesbian but I’m starting to find myself somewhere along the bisexual continuum. Regardless I’m in the community through and through. 3.) Musical, both in appreciating music and making it. Like, crank the volume up & get lost in the song. I suppose my co-workers are tired of hearing me play my favorite song\* at max volume through my headphones. \*(Black Sheep Wall, by Innocence Mission) 4.) Innu. (1/16 counts, I insist!) I personally prefer the name Innu rather than Cree because the latter basically means “Christian”. 5.) Extraverted, although somewhat socially underdeveloped. 6.) Crazy. Two DSM diagnoses and counting… 7.) Cat person. All my life growing up we had kitty cats. They’re incredibly cute creatures. I have my beloved old boy (he’s 12) whom I got as a kitten; my honey and I live with a total of 4 cats. 8.) Atheist. Scripture just doesn’t compute in my mind, although I can certainly understand the widespread human desire to believe. Honestly, I hope I’m at least somewhat wrong and there’s an afterlife. I would have included “socially liberal” in my list but that’s pretty much implied from #2 and #8. ---
**Author:** ![liberty3701](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@liberty3701](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/liberty3701)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/30 "2010-01-29T02:46:23Z")
1. woman 2. leftist 3. intellectual 4. WASP 5. from New Jersey ---
**Author:** ![A.Selene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ec8ea/32.png) [@A.Selene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.Selene)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/31 "2010-01-29T16:49:34Z")
Thanks for the responses everyone. It’s proved as interesting as I hoped - it’s cool to see how everyone prioritizes their identity in different ways, and the differing things we find important. > [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > Interesting typo, or mixed message? > > Kidding! Haha. 🙂 > [@RainGrowsBrite](#): > > Great topic… > > 2.) Reader…. Just like the OP… I read everything. I can’t stand not having something to read before I fall asleep or when I’m on the pot (sorry for the TMI). AND, just like the OP, I too will read every shampoo or soap bottle in the bathroom if I forget my book. I love being so into what I’m reading that I pull my book out when I have even the smallest wait time. BTW, I just read The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins…. AWESOME book! It’s a blessing and a curse. I find there are some things I just can’t abide without something to read, dropping a deuce being the primary one. > [@panache45](#): > > 1. Recovering Objectivist. For better or worse, Rand was a tremendous influence during my 20s-30s. The “intellectual breakup” was traumatic. I’ve read some of your earlier posts about this **panache45** , and would love to hear more. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/32 "2010-01-29T23:03:13Z")
> [@Juliana](#): > > And just to keep **faithfool** company: > > #6: Alice Cooper fanatic. LOVE him. Our love songs are “House of Fire” and “Poison.” I listen to him when I walk or work out. His music keeps me going, motivated and energetic. Our kids love his music as well. I have Alice Cooper: Golf Monster at my desk. We must be sisters separated at birth! ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/33 "2010-01-30T09:38:02Z")
Pardon me while I get all philosophical. . . I have a bunch of personality characteristics, including: I love cats. I’m an atheist descended from a long line of atheists. Except for weddings and funerals I have never attended a religious service. I like baseball - in 1993 I saw a ballgame in every major league ballpark, and I once wrote a book on the topic (commercially unsuccessful). I read a lot of books, mostly non-fiction. I am a software engineer who is trying his best to stay retired. My sense of humor is dry enough that sometimes people who don’t know me well can’t tell when I’m joking. I like to cook. I am intensely interested in old music. I collect and remaster 78 RPM records, and make the results available on a web site. I am a very private person. Things that many people are willing to talk to strangers about, I do not wish to share with anyone. I could go on and on. These are characteristics, though, they are not my identity. My identity is who I am, not what I am. I would have a lot in common with someone who had all the traits I described above, but we would still be different people. I believe that every person has an essence that makes him or her unique, but which is very hard to describe, and which cannot be adequately captured in a discrete list. ---
**Author:** ![adhay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@adhay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adhay)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/34 "2010-01-30T15:45:03Z")
1. Hetero male and natural born slut with several addictions 2. Accept as fact that I am entirely responsible for my experience of the universe which is to say, perception is projection or believing is seeing 3. Take as gospel the idea that to forgive indiscriminately is the only way to recogniize one’s own forgiveness … giving is receiving 4. As to ‘God’ > [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > …Until we all can define god to my satisfaction, I’ll go ahead and call it all god. It feels all so dramatic to me, and I think ‘God’ is about as dramatic a label as I could give anything. > > That said, god is impossible to really define…everyone has their own idea of him, I guess. The ways nearly everybody I know explain ‘god’ I don’t believe that exists at all. So, technically, I guess I am an atheist. … Could not have put it as well. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/35 "2010-01-30T15:50:27Z")
> [@Jeff\_Lichtman](#): > > My sense of humor is dry enough that sometimes people who don’t know me well can’t tell when I’m joking. HAHAAA!!! I get it! I get it! **wipes tears of laughter.** Seriously, though, I find you fascinating! How have I never noticed your posts before? The part that I find most interesting is the ‘from a long line of atheists’ part. I don’t think I know anyone like that. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2010, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/36 "2010-01-31T00:38:29Z")
1.) C.S. Lewis Christian- I could add Evangelical, Protestant, orthodox & catholic (small o & c), Trinitarian, Nicene, Wider Hope, Charismatic- “C.S. Lewis” however says it all. 2.) Right-wing libertarian- As much economic & political & personal freedom while still preserving social order. Exceptions are the humanity of the pre-born, the stability of marriage and family, and the Western Judeo-Christian heritage (often referred to as Ceremonial Deism, I would prefer something like Cultural Theism or the 1950s’ish FOGBOM). 3.) Weirdo- I like bizarro, spooky, surreal & cult films, music, literature. I’m pretty well read in occultism & the paranormal. I consider myself a Dark Romanticist without the addictions or the artistic talent needed to really qualify. I’m into a limited amount of Conspiracy theories. Weirdo says it all. 4.) Phleg-Mel or vice-versa. I’m laid back with a somber streak or Somber but pretty laid back about it. 5.) Straight male- secure enough in my heterosexuality & masculinity that this past week on Facebook when people put up Celebrity lookalike pics, I included Oscar Wilde among mine. I love the ladies but haven’t yet landed one. ---
**Author:** ![yuliya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/f6c823/32.png) [@yuliya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yuliya)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2010, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/37 "2010-01-31T06:35:15Z")
Bright. Every standardized test I have taken (SATs, ACTs, IQ tests) has placed me in the top 97th or 98th percentile. This means I’m smarter than almost everyone I meet. This affects my life a lot. Catholic. I don’t believe in God or go to church any more, but I was baptized Catholic and went to Catholic schools and mass and weddings and funerals my whole childhood. My family is Roman Catholic from Italy, and I still consider that a huge part of my identity. Does that make sense? Marijuana smoker. I smoke pot, my friends smoke pot, my boyfriend smokes pot, every day, without fail, for the past five years. This probably won’t go on forever, but right now at age 18 I consider it a large part of my identity because it defines for the most part how and with whom I spend my time. Honest. I can’t help but tell the truth in almost any situation. It doesn’t occur to me to lie, ever. Especially not about myself or my opinions. I never mind saying how I think or feel because my giant ego and I think I’m always right. I’ll argue anyone into the ground. Pretty girl. Hey, I warned you about the ego. ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2010, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/38 "2010-01-31T07:36:01Z")
> [@PapSett](#): > > Hmmm… interesting to think about. > > 1.) I am an animal lover, through and through. > > 2.) I am creative. I love writing, drawing, painting-anything to be creating. > > 3.) I am lonely. Most all of the time, anyway. > > 4.) I am non-religious. Hate having it preached to me. I have no formed religious beliefs. > > 5.) I am soul-tired. Tired of daily struggling. Tired of just existing. Hey! You don’t have to be lonely (So they tell me!) I am in a very similar mood. Your number five makes me sad. PM me if you want to chat. You are not alone! ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2010, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/39 "2010-01-31T07:38:38Z")
Liking what **Sattua** has to say! ---
**Author:** ![janeslogin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@janeslogin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janeslogin)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2010, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581/40 "2010-01-31T16:59:02Z")
mortal, senescent, infirm, weary, frustrated [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-form-your-identity/526581.md?page=1)