# How do you get through the hard times? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 24, 2013, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758 "2013-06-24T04:29:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/21 "2013-06-24T15:05:38Z")
So, what’s your medical crisis? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/22 "2013-06-24T15:05:42Z")
Hard times? They’re all hard, varying only in degree. Drugs and alcohol work for me. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/23 "2013-06-24T15:15:15Z")
You do not have to deal with “hard times.” You have to deal with “today.” Or the next hour. Or the next five minutes. Start by dealing with things WHEN THEY HAPPEN. Worry and anxiety about the future cause more problems than they solve. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/24 "2013-06-24T15:19:52Z")
I’ve had many ups and downs in my life. All I have to do is think back at another time that seemed hopeless, and remind myself that I got out of it . . . and realize that often the issues were, in hindsight, trivial. If you suffer from chronic depression, as I do, every little problem is magnified. Learn to put things in their proper perspectives, and learn to tell the difference between the mountains and the mole hills. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/25 "2013-06-24T15:20:07Z")
Just take things day by day. Don’t enumerate all your problems - you’ll just name more things that aren’t really problems because people love long lists. The kids being home and, presumably, the medical issues are things you can’t change. Focus on what you can change and that seems to be the renovations and the house cleaning. Perhaps it’s worth the $75 or whatever to join Angie’s List to find someone good, for both? Or just for one? Or get the kids on doing some house chores (even if the little one can’t, get her to follow you around) and keep plugging away at the renovation issue. I think you’ll feel better if you are actively doing SOMETHING instead of sitting around feeling bad about all the stuff you can’t do. Good luck! Hang in there! ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/26 "2013-06-24T15:25:08Z")
Time always passes. The renovations will get finished The kids will be back in school The house cleaner will be back Etc. Nothing lasts forever. Not the good times. But not the bad times either. Time always passes. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/27 "2013-06-24T15:36:44Z")
There are some people behaving like jerks in this thread; remember that’s our numero uno rule around here: don’t be a jerk. So if you don’t have advice for someone who’s having a hard time, don’t threadshit. Any more of it and I’m handing out warnings for being a jerk. Ellen ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_I\_Am](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@Sam\_I\_Am](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_I_Am)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/28 "2013-06-24T15:58:10Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > So let me see if I get this straight, > > - You can afford a house > - You can afford house renovations > - You have children, you can afford children, and they’re home for summer > - You can afford to hire someone else to clean your house (!) > - You have leisure time to do artwork (which means you can afford the opportunity cost) > > Yea, just not feeling it. So the only hard times are financial? Nothing else counts as a hard time? Money does not buy happiness, or a good life. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_I\_Am](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@Sam\_I\_Am](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_I_Am)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/29 "2013-06-24T16:03:24Z")
> [@Scruples](#): > > I always remind myself that things could be worse. I reach out to family and friends for comfort and conversation. I spend a lot of time walking my dog because seeing him enjoy his simple life and being outside with him makes me forget about life’s other stresses. I focus on what I do have. I read books and articles online to get my mind going in new directions. Audiobooks and podcasts are also a good escape. I treat myself to new things (usually inexpensive new things). I also think writing your thoughts out can be very helpful. Additionally, it helps to laugh, so I watch silly videos on YouTube, usually involving cute animals. Those always cheer me up and I do think laughter is the best medicine. Thank you, this is helpful. ---
**Author:** ![Tracijo67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@Tracijo67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracijo67)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/30 "2013-06-24T16:04:42Z")
> [@Sam\_I\_Am](#): > > So the only hard times are financial? Nothing else counts as a hard time? Money does not buy happiness, or a good life. Please don’t waste another moment of your time trying to convince others that you are going through a hard time. It should be completely unnecessary. You are free to consider the ill-mannered as unworthy of your time and attention 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/31 "2013-06-24T16:13:19Z")
Wow, there are some jerks posting here. I didn’t realize non-poor people couldn’t have problems too. I’ll try to remember that. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_I\_Am](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@Sam\_I\_Am](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_I_Am)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/32 "2013-06-24T16:18:53Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > On top of being stressed out and having a hard time dealing you also get to deal with people who can’t keep their fingers from typing jerkish things. Lovely. I can afford someone to clean for me too, I guess I’d better not be looking for any help around here if I need a good word. > > The first thing that jumps out at me is your medical crisis. Are you okay? That in itself is a stressful enough thing without adding a bunch of other things. Are you well enough to exercise? That is always helpful for me to release tension and feel better. > > Lengthy house renovations are hellish because your house is torn up and if you’re like me, not having an orderly home is stressful. Keep telling yourself that it’s temporary and things will get back to normal again. In the meantime make cleaning up a family affair. All kids are old enough to help in some way or another. Delegate things to make things as orderly as possible. > > A day at the spa relaxes me. How about a massage? Go off to a park by yourself and relax? Go to a movie by yourself? Maybe find a local hotel that has a pool for the kids and splurge on a night there if you can afford it? You can all get away as a family from the house and and just have fun for a night. > > Hang in there. Thank you so much. No, I’m not able to exercise yet. Which yes, makes it more difficult too. I had to stop going to the gym back at the beginning of the year, and I just got to the point of going back when I had this setback. As of the past couple of days I am able to walk again without making things worse, so I am doing that as much as possible. I think yes, that finding ways to get away together are probably the key. The kids are struggling too from all the upheavals and seeing me in so much pain. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/33 "2013-06-24T16:20:29Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > Time always passes. > > The renovations will get finished > The kids will be back in school > The house cleaner will be back > Etc. > > Nothing lasts forever. Not the good times. But not the bad times either. > > Time always passes. This is very good advice. When I struggled with my own “hard times” (often when my husband traveled a lot for work and I worked full time while caring for little kids) my mantra would be “time passes”. No matter how hard things felt at the moment I knew I could just keep breathing and time would pass. When you are lucky that your hardship (and ignore the folks that say it isn’t hardship) is not of the type that involves worrying about losing your house or feeding your family, the “time pases” mantra helps. I’m sorry about your illness- can you hire a teenage “mother’s helper” type who can play with the kids and make lunch and may be pick up a little bit? The local YMCA or church/synagogue might have a community board for posting for summer help. A 13-16 year old coming a few times a week could really be a blessing. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/34 "2013-06-24T17:05:36Z")
> [@Sam\_I\_Am](#): > > So the only hard times are financial? Nothing else counts as a hard time? Money does not buy happiness, or a good life. Eh, don’t worry about those folks. No matter what sacrifices you’re making to afford something, no matter how much money they fritter away on other stuff, there will always, always, ALWAYS be someone to be all “well, it must be _nice_” when they find out you have something they don’t. It used to piss me off back when **DoctorJ** was working 70-80 hours a week and I was working 50ish and people at work would act like I was showing Robin Leach around my yacht because we spent $60 every two weeks to have somebody come in and do the heavier cleaning. I was often tempted to point out that if they wanted to trade their deluxe cable package for a pair of rabbit ears, their newish Jeep for an 8 year old Saturn, and their regular trips to the salon for a cut/dye/manicure for a monthly trip to Great Clips and box of Miss Clairol, they too could live the fabulously pampered life of not having to scrub their own toilet. But it would have been a waste of breath, just like engaging the people who are huffing and snorting at you here would be a waste of breath. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/35 "2013-06-24T17:09:37Z")
In my case, I kept reminding myself, “I can get through this. It’s one of Dickens’s _shorter_ novels.” The only serious advice I can give may be unhelpfully platitudinous, but: focus on the good things—what you have, or can do, rather than what you don’t have or can’t do. ---
**Author:** ![Tracijo67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@Tracijo67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracijo67)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/36 "2013-06-24T18:21:32Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Eh, don’t worry about those folks. No matter what sacrifices you’re making to afford something, no matter how much money they fritter away on other stuff, there will always, always, ALWAYS be someone to be all “well, it must be _nice_” when they find out you have something they don’t. It used to piss me off back when **DoctorJ** was working 70-80 hours a week and I was working 50ish and people at work would act like I was showing Robin Leach around my yacht because we spent $60 every two weeks to have somebody come in and do the heavier cleaning. I was often tempted to point out that if they wanted to trade their deluxe cable package for a pair of rabbit ears, their newish Jeep for an 8 year old Saturn, and their regular trips to the salon for a cut/dye/manicure for a monthly trip to Great Clips and box of Miss Clairol, they too could live the fabulously pampered life of not having to scrub their own toilet. But it would have been a waste of breath, just like engaging the people who are huffing and snorting at you here would be a waste of breath. Agreed on everything, but a question: why would people at work even need to know that someone cleans your house? ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_I\_Am](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@Sam\_I\_Am](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_I_Am)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/37 "2013-06-24T18:31:35Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > In my case, I kept reminding myself, “I can get through this. It’s one of Dickens’s _shorter_ novels.” This totally made me laugh 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/38 "2013-06-24T18:57:04Z")
> [@Tracijo67](#): > > Agreed on everything, but a question: why would people at work even need to know that someone cleans your house? They don’t need to know it, obviously. But if you’re having a conversation about fighting with your spouse about the distribution of housework, it shouldn’t be something you feel like you have to hide, ya know? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/39 "2013-06-24T21:25:25Z")
Faith helps me a lot. One of my favorite sayings is “Pray like it all depends on God, work like it all depends on you”. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758/40 "2013-06-24T23:05:07Z")
Get rid of some of the unnecessary stuff. Repeat this too shall pass. Call your friends, that is why they are there. ASK for help, if that is cooperative babysitting so you get a night out or a movie and beer when the kids are asleep. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-get-through-the-hard-times/661758.md?page=3)