# How do you handle breathing if you’re too fucking STUPID to operate a colander? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 17, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237 "2003-01-17T15:51:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/21 "2003-01-17T17:23:00Z")
Ender- Wait, I probably did use them for part of the bar. That was 1994. 😃 But seriously, I almost never have occasion to use pencils. And when I do, I prefer separate erasers because the attached ones have usually dried out. As for the “ghastly sum,” the version I’ve seen is [handsome actor voice] only $19.95 plus shipping and handling [/hav]- and it has so _many_ helpful things - free! Like a spaghetti spoon you can find at any Walmart for 99 cents! And a $3 cheese grater! ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/22 "2003-01-17T17:26:50Z")
Oh, drattit, I hate it when I miss intervening posts. Sorry, Opal and Ender. And shoshana, I agree that a pasta pot that somehow would let you use less water would be a great thing - but this one doesn’t do that. The only way it’s less heavy is by being made of thin metal. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/23 "2003-01-17T17:36:22Z")
The one I saw I think was two pots (a small one and a large one) and a cheese grater and other stuff. Considering that just a regular pot can cost a lot more than that, I’d say it’s a reasonable price. And yes, I know that they probably aren’t Master Chef Quality pots, but neither are any of my other ones. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/24 "2003-01-17T17:39:40Z")
[sub]I kind of want a perfect pancake maker[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/25 "2003-01-17T17:54:43Z")
I’ve heard bad things about the pancake maker. Like that the pancake can slide out of it when you go to flip, or that the flip side isn’t hot, or that it is so slow that by the time you make the second one, the first one is stone cold. This is all from memory and I don’t remember who said it, btw. (long pause) Ok I was bored and so I went and found one of the reviews I remember: [http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=product\_reviews&itemid=17397](http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=product_reviews&itemid=17397) ---
**Author:** ![mske](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@mske](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mske)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/26 "2003-01-17T17:56:58Z")
You guys are missing the best part of this product - that it can be used for more than pasta! Yes! Watch the demonstration as the “perforated pasta pot” can also drain hamburger! Watch as the grease slowly works through the holes, and by an effect-that-I-can’t-remember-the-name-of-even-though-I-did-a-high-school-science-fair-project-on-it, starts flowing back **up** the pot, making a grease fire a handy decoration in your kitchen as you set the pot back onto the hot element. Ah, progress… ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/27 "2003-01-17T18:02:12Z")
This item may have been useful for my pal Chris, who once strained KD through my _cheese grater_ because he couldn’t find my colander (which was handily kept on top of my fridge). My favourite useless item on commercials is the plug-in air freshener _with the extra outlet_! For people too stupid to fucking UNPLUG SOMETHING when they need to. Or too dumb to buy a fucking extension thing-ama-jiggy. Instead, hair stays wet, and children don’t get their milkshakes because their parental unit is being hauled away by Children’s Services for being too stupid to live. ---
**Author:** ![Rosebud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rosebud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rosebud)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/28 "2003-01-17T18:02:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > **…and I love to whip it out** :eek: Watch where that steam goes! ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/29 "2003-01-17T18:07:26Z")
Err… the extra outlet for the plugins is a good idea. I have one of those things next to my bed, and I also have my clock and lamp plugged into it. Why get an extension thing for it when I can just choose the air freshener that has the plug built in? Seems silly and kinda stupid to me. (Also… why unplug and plug in your air freshener all the time? Having the plug on it means you don’t have to fuss with that. Why does this make people stupid?) ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/30 "2003-01-17T18:08:23Z")
There are currently two infomercials with similar “pasta pots.” I still prefer to use my strainer/colander. The infomercials are ridiculous, I agree, most of those for cheaper products are poorly done. But you can’t quite get Madison Ave. quality when you are selling a cheap product that probably rusts in about a year. Ronco’s Rotisserie though, hehe “Set it and forget it.” That my friends is good marketing. I didn’t even have to think it, it just came to my mind. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/31 "2003-01-17T18:11:43Z")
[mine actually has an extra plug AND a light-sensitive nightlight! Neener neener neener!] ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/32 "2003-01-17T18:16:00Z")
> [@](#): > > _Zette_ - I love the ads for these things- they always show someone ruining their ravioli by using an evil collander or spilling spaghetti all over the place because they miss and dump it all down the drain. Except that thing isn’t even a colander. It’s a _sieve_. > [@](#): > > _Shoshana_ - A pot of water weighs more than some of my clients (old, disabled) are allowed to pick up. They can’t pick up the pot and pour it in the colander. Not to be a nit, but if they can’t pick up a pot of water to pour into a colander, how can they pick up a pot of water to pour into the sink? And what I think is stupid is the “lock” on that lid looks likely to become disengaged or fail. Then your whole pot of pasta goes into the sink, rather than just what you normally would spill. Looks like a cheap contraption and I expect that it functions like a cheap contraption. Buy yourself an actual pasta boiler and solve all your troubles, including having to pick up and pour a heavy pan fulla water. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/33 "2003-01-17T18:28:16Z")
I am dropping subtle hints to Mrs. J. about the pressing need for the Perforated-Pot-O’Doom in our house, including screams of anguish every time I am forced to drain pasta into the colander and inevitably suffer third degree burns while dumping the entire load down the drain. What they really need, though, is a plate recessed into the lid so you can slide your spag right onto it without any further risk of pasta losses. And some sentient being to spoon-feed it to you. ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/34 "2003-01-17T18:43:56Z")
I have a question, though. If you are making something that needs to be covered to steam (like those mussels they show with the pasta–“make everything in the _same_ pot!”), don’t the holes in the lid negate that? ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/35 "2003-01-17T18:44:07Z")
Like a monkey? ---
**Author:** ![Suspenderzzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@Suspenderzzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suspenderzzz)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/36 "2003-01-17T18:51:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by evilbeth \* > \*\*I have a question, though. > > If you are making something that needs to be covered to steam (like those mussels they show with the pasta–“make everything in the _same_ pot!”), don’t the holes in the lid negate that? \*\* I think there’s a built-in little thing on the inside of the lid that you can slide over the holes to cover them up. (One kitchen pot I have has a vent in the lid that works like that.) ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/37 "2003-01-17T18:55:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jackmannii \* > \*\*I am dropping subtle hints to Mrs. J. about the pressing need for the Perforated-Pot-O’Doom in our house, including screams of anguish every time I am forced to drain pasta into the colander and inevitably suffer third degree burns while dumping the entire load down the drain. > \*\* Silly boy. When you’re pouring potatoes or pasta or whathaveyou into a colander, always run the faucet on full on COLD just to the side of the colander and it will help to lessen the steam. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Oblong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/c0e974/32.png) [@Oblong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oblong)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/38 "2003-01-17T19:04:09Z")
My wife says if I ever sat at the table and pointed to my watch while she was cooking, I’d get the contents of the pot thrown at me. Our local news did a feature on the pancake thing and it didn’t come out so well. I guess there’s a certain way you have to flip it for it to come out right. Besides, you can only make one at a time. What if you are cooking for the whole family? It’d take 20 minutes to make the pancakes. ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/39 "2003-01-17T19:06:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Suspenderzzz \* > \*\*I think there’s a built-in little thing on the inside of the lid that you can slide over the holes to cover them up. (One kitchen pot I have has a vent in the lid that works like that.) \*\* Hey, they never show that on the commercial! You’d think with all the hype they’re giving it, they’d mention that! ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/40 "2003-01-17T19:12:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mske \* > \*\*You guys are missing the best part of this product - that it can be used for more than pasta! > Yes! Watch the demonstration as the “perforated pasta pot” can also drain hamburger! Watch as the grease slowly works through the holes, and by an effect-that-I-can’t-remember-the-name-of-even-though-I-did-a-high-school-science-fair-project-on-it, starts flowing back **up** the pot, making a grease fire a handy decoration in your kitchen as you set the pot back onto the hot element. > > Ah, progress… \*\* Tell me more about the potential for a grease fire- I thought this thing looked great for draining grease, so I’m actually interested. I would drain the grease off, then mix in my additional ingredients and such, then return it to the stove. Is there some sort of risk to draining grease this way? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237.md?page=3)