# How do you handle breathing if you’re too fucking STUPID to operate a colander? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 17, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237 "2003-01-17T15:51:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Gravity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gravity/32/14322_2.png) [@Gravity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gravity)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/41 "2003-01-17T19:12:40Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\* > My god, these people are throwing pasta around the kitchen, setting themselves on fire, ruining lives, all because of a collander. My favorite one is the husband grimly looking at his watch, waiting for dinner because the collander method just TAKES TOO LONG._\* Is it just me, or does anybody else think that SOMEBODY out there gets their ideas about the general public from playing way too much SIMS? ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/42 "2003-01-17T19:16:46Z")
For all Pasta Pot afficianados, check THIS out: Here’s one that looks really nice AND is a straining lid deal: [http://www56.lnt.com/category/product/product\_55813.asp?strShopperId=0B6F4ECAF262CE34B8C8F1F95E17AF072A4C91920C181D7B](http://www56.lnt.com/category/product/product_55813.asp?strShopperId=0B6F4ECAF262CE34B8C8F1F95E17AF072A4C91920C181D7B) And this one has a lift out unit- so you cook your item, then lift out the liner with holes in it- it drains right into the pot you cooked it in: [http://www56.lnt.com/category/product/product\_55799.asp?strShopperId=0B6F4ECAF262CE34B8C8F1F95E17AF072A4C91920C181D7B](http://www56.lnt.com/category/product/product_55799.asp?strShopperId=0B6F4ECAF262CE34B8C8F1F95E17AF072A4C91920C181D7B) ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/43 "2003-01-17T19:17:02Z")
Gonna save me a few bucks and just drill holes in all my pot lids. Then I am going to hide for a month so ParticleWife can’t kill me. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/44 "2003-01-17T19:18:42Z")
Gravity- you hit the nail on the head- instead of Citrus Express, Pasta Pots, and Strap Wrenches, these people need some quality time at the old bookcase learning how to operate things like knives, collanders, and screwdrivers 🙂 🙂 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/45 "2003-01-17T19:20:20Z")
**auntie em** - Here’s your [red Pasta Pro!](http://www.drleonards.com/detail.cfm?EDP=10325058) ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/46 "2003-01-17T19:21:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zette \* > \*\*Tell me more about the potential for a grease fire- I thought this thing looked great for draining grease, so I’m actually interested. I would drain the grease off, then mix in my additional ingredients and such, then return it to the stove. Is there some sort of risk to draining grease this way? \*\* Well, if you do it like they do in the commercials there’s the risk of clogging up your sink with coagulated grease. As for the fire thing, sure there’s a risk, but if you wipe off the outside of the pot after doing so it’s not a problem. Of course, if these people can’t handle a colander I can’t say I have much hope of them not lighting themselves on fire. ---
**Author:** ![Suspenderzzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@Suspenderzzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suspenderzzz)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/47 "2003-01-17T19:21:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by evilbeth \* > \*\*Hey, they never show that on the commercial! You’d think with all the hype they’re giving it, they’d mention that! \*\* Well, it was a wild guess, driven by logic. The only way to know for sure is to own one of them damned things. ---
**Author:** ![mske](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@mske](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mske)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/48 "2003-01-17T19:29:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zette \* > \*\*Tell me more about the potential for a grease fire- I thought this thing looked great for draining grease, so I’m actually interested. I would drain the grease off, then mix in my additional ingredients and such, then return it to the stove. Is there some sort of risk to draining grease this way? \*\* As usual, my postings are far from clear even though they seem totally logical to me at the time… When you tip the pot over to use the perforated to to drain the grease, it does not flow out like a fountain. Some of the liquid actually flows back “up” the pot to what is physically the bottom. Watch the commercial and you can see it happening (they cut away pretty quick I’ve noticed). So now, half of your grease is clogging up your sink, and the other half is hanging out of the surface of the pot. You put the pot back on the stove and the grease takes gravity’s help to the bottom and in contact with the hot element… And as usual on preview, my slow-ass posting style has allowed others to answer more eloquantly than me. The end. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/49 "2003-01-17T19:31:22Z")
**Oblong** beat me to the punch on the pancake-maker. Sure, they look good, but I’m going to make them _one at a time_? What if I want a stack of four pancakes? It’d take forever minutes, and then the bottom one is already cold. I can fit four at once on my griddle. ---
**Author:** ![soulburnz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@soulburnz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulburnz)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/50 "2003-01-17T19:44:07Z")
There’s a new pancake maker that you can do 2 at once ! Woo Hoo ! That should be a big help ! On the show I saw it on - they burnt the pancakes anyway… ---
**Author:** ![TeleTronOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4af34b/32.png) [@TeleTronOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeleTronOne)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/51 "2003-01-17T19:46:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by techchick68 \* > \*\* > Ronco’s Rotisserie though, hehe “Set it and forget it.” That my friends is good marketing. I didn’t even have to think it, it just came to my mind. \*\* Ha! You just reminded me of something. When I was going to college, my friends and I used to just kind of be bored at 3am. And we lived in Hilo, HI, so there wasn’t much to do. So we’d usually go down to the lounge and watch TV. Being Hilo, HI there wasn’t much on TV either, so we usually ended up watching Infomercials (we were REALLY bored). The “Set it and forget it” one was very common. Somebody I know actually GOT one of these things a while back, and there is a rather prominent sticker on the front with the words: **WARNING!: Do not take “Set it and Forget it” Literally!** I thought that was sort of funny. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/52 "2003-01-17T19:56:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Skammer \* > \*\ ***Oblong** beat me to the punch on the pancake-maker. Sure, they look good, but I’m going to make them _one at a time_? What if I want a stack of four pancakes? It’d take forever minutes, and then the bottom one is already cold. I can fit four at once on my griddle. \*\* That’s EXACTLY what I’ve found. So now, our Perfect Pancake maker is used for grilled cheese sandwiches (don’t want the thing going to waste, after all), and for pancakes only when Michaela wants to participate. If I’m making pancakes for the family for b’fast, I fire up the griddle and just use the batter dispenser. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/53 "2003-01-17T20:32:39Z")
Has anyone noticed that on one of those pasta pro commercials when they are touting the magical “cheese grater” it’s spelled “gra **d** er”? Is it me or is that, um, WRONG? ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/54 "2003-01-17T20:34:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Neurotik \* > \*\*Well, if you do it like they do in the commercials there’s the risk of clogging up your sink with coagulated grease. > > As for the fire thing, sure there’s a risk, but if you wipe off the outside of the pot after doing so it’s not a problem. Of course, if these people can’t handle a colander I can’t say I have much hope of them not lighting themselves on fire. \*\* Ahhh, gotcha ya. I wouldn’t pour grease into the drain, anyway, and also wouldn’t put a greasy pot back on the stove, so I guess I"m safe enough. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/55 "2003-01-17T21:16:23Z")
When I make a lot of pancakes, I set the oven on a low temp and put a cookie sheet in there. As the pancakes come off the stove, the go into the oven on the cookie sheet. They all stay toasty warm until they’re eaten 🙂 (and no, they don’t keep cooking or anything. The oven is on too low for that) ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/56 "2003-01-17T21:28:15Z")
I love the ads where they are showing you how hard it is to shave… so they show a lady who is shaving with a beat up rusty razor. From what I have seen on the ads, the pasta pot does not have a vent contraption -just holes. So if you want to steam, too bad! as for the free stuff it comes with: that chopper? piece of crap. I bought a nice one and ended up pitching it. It was quicker and cleaner to use a knive. The cheese ‘grader’ I guarantee you will be a pain in the ass to clean. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/57 "2003-01-17T21:31:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zette \* > And this one has a lift out unit- so you cook your item, then lift out the liner with holes in it- it drains right into the pot you cooked it in: > [http://www56.lnt.com/category/product/product\_55799.asp?strShopperId=0B6F4ECAF262CE34B8C8F1F95E17AF072A4C91920C181D7B](http://www56.lnt.com/category/product/product_55799.asp?strShopperId=0B6F4ECAF262CE34B8C8F1F95E17AF072A4C91920C181D7B) I have something like this - I bought an 8 qt. stock pot made by Calphalon, which has a nice glass lid, and two colander basket inserts. One is very deep and lets you cook pasta, lobsters, corn on the cob, and so on - anything you need to boil in water and then drain. The other is shallow, maybe a third of the depth of the pot, and lets you steam vegetables and so on. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/58 "2003-01-17T21:33:57Z")
Bad News! The shaving commercial is my favorite. My god, it’s a wonder these women are still ALIVE! They’re using old butter knives and lard and shaving at speeds of up to five legs a minute…then they break out into wails of pain at a little nick. Sometimes I think I’d LOVE to be in one of these commercials just for the humor, but then I’d be afraid that someone would think that’s the level of my talent. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/59 "2003-01-17T21:38:06Z")
Just wanted to say you guys crack me up. Thanks for the laughs on this Friday afternoon. I’ve heard that ad on the TV, while my kids watch the Simpsons and I am fixing dinner. I’ll have to alert them to call me when it comes on. (Thus sayeth one who was once the proud owner of a bamboo steamer AND Ginsu knives). ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/60 "2003-01-17T22:17:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*Bad News! The shaving commercial is my favorite. My god, it’s a wonder these women are still ALIVE! They’re using old butter knives and lard and shaving at speeds of up to five legs a minute…then they break out into wails of pain at a little nick. \*\* Five legs? What, are they all named Octopussy? 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237.md?page=4)