# How do you handle breathing if you’re too fucking STUPID to operate a colander? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 17, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237 "2003-01-17T15:51:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![DeskMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f14d63/32.png) [@DeskMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeskMonkey)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/61 "2003-01-17T22:17:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OxyMoron \* > **Christ on a cannelloni** Now, is there a special super-duper, extra convenient cannelloni maker I can buy to make this or do I still have to do it the old-fashioned way? ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/62 "2003-01-17T22:21:53Z")
I am _so_ going to hell for this: First you catch your Christ, and then you hang Him for three days… :D:D:D [sub](Actually, it’s a lot like the 1975 Joy of Cooking’s recipe for 'possum - first you catch your 'possum, then you feed him milk and grain for ten days…)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/63 "2003-01-17T23:02:27Z")
I don’t understand. I’ve not seen this commercial. Bradshaw International makes a little handled thingie that you hold over the edge of the pot while draining so you don’t have to use a colander - is this something similar? ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/64 "2003-01-17T23:15:24Z")
SisterCoyote here’s one: [http://www.seetvproductsforless.com/pastacooker.htm](http://www.seetvproductsforless.com/pastacooker.htm) And the other: [http://www.alltvstuff.com/bpp1.html](http://www.alltvstuff.com/bpp1.html) ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/65 "2003-01-17T23:27:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*Hi, my name is auntie em. I am an infomercial addict. > > I love them. They’re my dirty little secret and yes, I buy things.\*\* I too love informercials (although I never buy anything), solely for the reasons discussed in this thread: I love how they have to make simple tasks look mindbogglingly difficult. My favorites include: 1. Little battery operated nightlights you’re supposed to stick on the wall in key locations. The commercial was nothing but old ladies trying to get to the bathroom and slamming into the bed, the dresser, etc. 2. Some sort of extendo-claw. Not only did they show searing back pain caused by bending over to pick things up, they had people using it for the most ridiculously unlikely tasks, like changing lightbulbs, petting the cat, and picking up yard debris. 3. Any sort of cooking implement. All of a sudden slicing a tomato, scrambling an egg, draining pasta, etc. is more complicated than landing the Space Shuttle. Of course you’re gonna dump all the spaghetti in the sink instead of the collander! It’s unavoidable! ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/66 "2003-01-17T23:27:40Z")
I liked the one for the hair wrap thing; what was it called, Turbie Twist? The incompetent women couldn’t even wrap their hair up in a towel! 😃 It was just so stupid. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/67 "2003-01-17T23:35:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Giraffe \* > \*\*1. Little battery operated nightlights you’re supposed to stick on the wall in key locations. The commercial was nothing but old ladies trying to get to the bathroom and slamming into the bed, the dresser, etc. \*\* Tap Lights. I have a couple of them; they’re actually quite useful in the car with the kids if we’re driving at night at they want to read or play a game. They’re not too bright so as to blind the driver, but are bright enough for them to see by. I liked the one shot of Granny walking down the long dark hallway, hitting a long row of Tap Lights affixed to the wall. Mine came with ‘Peel & Stick’ sticky things on the back. The problem with sticking them to the wall is once the batteries die, you have to get the thing off the wall to change the batteries. And I know the ‘Peel & Stick’ things would rip wallpaper or paint off the wall, and of course, then you’d need new sticky things. Kinda dumb. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/68 "2003-01-17T23:37:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NYR407 \* > \*\*OK I have seen the commercial and didn’t realize that it is perceived to be stupid product. > > I get the OP that the commercial makes the task of using the colander a lot harder than it is but isn’t it a space saver as well? Instead of having to store/wash a pot, pot cover and the colander you just have the pot and pot cover. > > I also sometimes have other things in the sink and don’t have room for the colander so this makes it easier too. > > Mind you I didn’t say I was going to buy one but I haven’t said I wouldn’t buy one either. > > I thought it was a good idea but what do I know.:rolleyes: \*\* I agree with you here Ny. The commercial is insulting as hell. But come ON!! What commercial isn’t? Anyway, the product does look like it could be a convenience in so far as saving space and eliminating having to wash the pot and a collander. The bf brought up a good point when I was ranting at this very commercial (and for the very reasons listed by the OP). He said “yeah, but when you tip the pot up to drain it, all the material in the pot covers the holes in the lid, and it STILL won’t drain all the way, or as conveniently as they advertise!” ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/69 "2003-01-17T23:55:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BiblioCat \* > **I liked the one shot of Granny walking down the long dark hallway, hitting a long row of Tap Lights affixed to the wall.** Ah yes. I just remembered the other hilarious aspect of the commercial – not only do they show the old lady walking into every piece of furniture in her bedroom, but they also show her being painfully blinded by turning on the lamp, as if she were staring into the sun. I didn’t know about the adhesive being on the same side as the batteries. That’s hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/70 "2003-01-18T00:21:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Missy2U \* > **Has anyone noticed that on one of those pasta pro commercials when they are touting the magical “cheese grater” it’s spelled "gra** d\*\*er"? Is it me or is that, um, WRONG? \*\* Well, no one likes uneven cheese. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/71 "2003-01-18T00:33:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dinsdale \* > \*\*(Thus sayeth one who was once the proud owner of a bamboo steamer AND Ginsu knives). \*\* Hey now, don’t be dissin’ my bamboo steamers! Can’t make proper dim sum without 'em. (Yer A-OK on the Ginsu knives, though.) Anybody else remember the one for the gizmo to make an inverted ponytail? I think it was called Topsy-Tail or something. Everyone with long hair that I know just uses her fingers: Make a ponytail, use your fingers to divide the hair under the band in half, and then grab the ponytail and pull it over and through. I’m a klutz about fixing hair and even I can do that. It ain’t rocket science. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/72 "2003-01-18T00:46:28Z")
I bought a Topsy-Tail for something like $1.49 at Rite-Aid years ago. Definitely not the $19.99 or whatever the infomercial wanted. It even came with some nice ponytail holders. I used it constantly when my daughter was little and had long hair. It was pretty neat. Best buck-and-a-half I ever spent. ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/73 "2003-01-18T01:03:48Z")
I am SO glad somebody finally posted this! The pot itself looks like it might be convenient but I go crazy watching those morons who can’t use a colander, not to mention the pancake thing-if you can’t flip a pancake you probably can’t handle flipping the pot either. My favorite infomercial is still the one for the convertible dress. “Put it on backwards and it looks competely different!” (Yes-it now looks like you put your dress on backwards). “Just tuck it into the waistband and shorten it instantly” (and look like you forgot to pull down your dress the last time you went to the backroom). Bunny-who got one of those pots with a colander insert as a gift many years ago but never actually bothered to use it. Motto: “If I can pass my medical boards, I think I can manage a colander”. ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/74 "2003-01-18T01:12:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by psychobunny \* > **Just tuck it into the waistband and shorten it instantly" (and look like you forgot to pull down your dress the last time you went to the backroom).** I was going to ask if you meant “bathroom,” but I like your phrase much better. “I’ll have what the boys in the back are having.” 😃 pesch ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/75 "2003-01-18T01:23:52Z")
preview is my friend preview is my friend preview is my friend ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/76 "2003-01-18T01:25:54Z")
You guys are missing out on the true art of the info-mercial. The actors whose roles are to show us how difficult life is without the shilled product are absolute geniuses! That’s what I want to be when I grow up: the guy who mangles an egg, the guy who spills spaghetti, the guy who can’t roll up his garden hose, the guy who doesn’t know how to iron, the guy who has no idea how to put shoes in a closet, the guy who can’t chop an onion without cutting off his fingers … Brando should get such roles. ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/77 "2003-01-18T01:35:03Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* That’s what I want to be when I grow up: the guy who mangles an egg, the guy who spills spaghetti, the guy who can’t roll up his garden hose, the guy who doesn’t know how to iron, the guy who has no idea how to put shoes in a closet, the guy who can’t chop an onion without cutting off his fingers … [QUOTE] So you wanna be Joey who is befuddled by the opening of a milk carton? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/78 "2003-01-18T01:48:31Z")
You’re hip to my jive. ---
**Author:** ![DarkWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee59a6/32.png) [@DarkWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkWriter)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/79 "2003-01-18T02:49:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Oblong \* > \*\*My wife says if I ever sat at the table and pointed to my watch while she was cooking, I’d get the contents of the pot thrown at me. > \*\* My husband and I love that part of the commerical; it’s so ludicrous. When he comes home from work now and dinner isn’t quite ready, he taps his watch and makes an angry face (in jest). Never fails to make us both laugh, no matter what kind of day we’ve had. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/80 "2003-01-18T02:50:20Z")
My gripe with the thing, and thus the reason I won’t get one, is that the hole pattern has the fluid shooting out at almost a full 180[sup]o[/sup]. Now, if they’d go ahead and change the discharge pattern, I might shell out some geld for it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237.md?page=5)