# How do you handle breathing if you’re too fucking STUPID to operate a colander? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 17, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237 "2003-01-17T15:51:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/101 "2003-01-19T02:11:44Z")
JFTR, my mother in the 1950s had a pressure cooker which came with a perforated basket that would mount inside the main cooker, holding the basket’s bottom about an inch above the bottom of the pan, allowing the cooking of french fries, fried chicken, and similar deep-fried foods. She often used it for pasta as well – achieving the same results as this goofball product with a household implement having another function. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/102 "2003-01-19T02:53:28Z")
OK, I have two confessions to make. First, I cannot flip pancakes to save my life, and I love pancakes. Second, I also own a Topsy Tail, but I also spent a couple of bucks on it at a drugstore. Since I’ve got long hair, it helps to get my hair up off the back of my neck in summer. Sorry folks. When it comes to hair and cooking, I’m a total clutz. Well, maybe not a total clutz – I can work a colander.😉 CJ ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/103 "2003-01-19T04:27:54Z")
Every time I make pancakes, one flap jack ends up being screwed up. My son, who is helping me, always says, " You need a Perfect Pancake thing, like Oma." Oma, being Grandma. I reply back, " No, son, you have to understand, one pancake must be sacrificed so that the others may go on and warm your tummy." Besides, if I had the space for one of those Perfect Pasta Pots ™, then I could wear my colander on my head to protect me from Space Aliens. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/104 "2003-01-19T05:01:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Polycarp \* > JFTR, my mother in the 1950s had a pressure cooker … Oh, the places you could go… “Body of Poly’s mother in the 50s found.” “In the 1950s, women will have pressure cookers…” “A study was released today detailing an experiment in which children, as they got older, were given new parents…” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/105 "2003-01-19T07:58:34Z")
Acttually duke there is a actual store that sells all that stuff its called “'as seen on tv” It has almost every thing youve seen on tv that can be ordered through infomericial or or commericial… The store front display windows consists of 6 monitors and vcrs running the same infomericials non stop Wjust found one in our mall and the place was doing pretty good business ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/106 "2003-01-19T16:33:50Z")
Hee, the closest mall just got a “Seen on Your Screen!” store (yes, exclamation point included). I laughed and laughed when I saw an ordinary spray bottle of Orange Clean on the shelf with a price tag of **$8.99** , when you can go to your nearest Krogers and buy it for less than _half_ that! ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/107 "2003-01-19T18:24:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Giraffe \* > \*\*I too love informercials (although I never buy anything), solely for the reasons discussed in this thread: I love how they have to make simple tasks look mindbogglingly difficult. \*\* Infomercials comforted and entertained when I was flattened by a horrendous cold over Christmas. Even sicker than two dogs I was still less inept than these fools. My favorite? The _amazing_ **"FlipFold[sub]TM[/sub]**", for people tortured by their inability to fold laundry. But this wonder tool isn’t just a piece of flat, hinged plastic. Oh no! It has _holes_ in it! (A revolutionary breakthrough, based on models used by major department stores for years! Huh?) I particularly enjoyed the woman reduced to frustrated panic by the awful challenge of folding towels and flat sheets. Or the scene of mom and two daughters bonding by madly whapping away at FlipFolds. “Best of alll, it makes folding laundry _fun_!” I couldn’t breathe but laughed like a loon anyway. Veb ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/108 "2003-01-19T20:30:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RTFirefly \* > \*\*Spot Shot. ~$3.50 for a large-size spray bottle at WallyWorld, Ace Hardware, and other fine retailers. No infomercial necessary. \*\* Well you can get OxyClean at Wal-Mart, too, so there 😛 ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/109 "2003-01-20T13:13:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TVeblen \* > \*\*My favorite? The _amazing_ **"FlipFold[sub]TM[/sub]**", for people tortured by their inability to fold laundry. But this wonder tool isn’t just a piece of flat, hinged plastic. Oh no! It has _holes_ in it! (A revolutionary breakthrough, based on models used by major department stores for years! Huh?) > > I particularly enjoyed the woman reduced to frustrated panic by the awful challenge of folding towels and flat sheets. Or the scene of mom and two daughters bonding by madly whapping away at FlipFolds. “Best of alll, it makes folding laundry _fun_!”\*\* You beat me to it! God, I love these commercials. I love the part too, where they show these poor fustrated shmucks desparately, violently trying to fold with the inferior “imitation” brands. You know those revolutionary holes in the FlipFold would make great pasta strainers! ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/110 "2003-01-20T13:28:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TVeblen \* > (A revolutionary breakthrough, based on models used by major department stores for years! Huh?) You mean _department stores_ use these things? I never had one! I was doing it by hand the whole time! No fair! Of course my Grandma showed me how to fold clothes like that long before I’d even heard of these things _sniffs_ All these newfangled contraptions. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/111 "2003-01-20T14:20:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OxyMoron \* > (Actually, it’s a lot like the 1975 Joy of Cooking’s recipe for 'possum - first you catch your 'possum, then you feed him milk and grain for ten days…) :eek: I have a copy of _Joy of Cooking_ from the early 1960s - now I have to flip through it and check for any weird recipes like that! ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/112 "2003-01-21T09:16:41Z")
On the topic of people baffled by simple devices, I recently had to demonstrate to an other wise extremely bright young woman the mysteries of the electric pencil sharpener. “Just put the pencil in that hole there… that’s right, just press down… no, you’ve got to actually hold onto the pencil, otherwise it just spins like that…” ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237/113 "2003-01-21T18:36:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ferret Herder \* > \*\*:eek: I have a copy of _Joy of Cooking_ from the early 1960s - now I have to flip through it and check for any weird recipes like that! \*\* My copy of _The American Women’s Cookbook_ has recipes for turtles/terrapins, and tells you how to pick a good 'un, how to kill it, and then gets into how to prepare it. It includes recipes for ‘possum, squirrel, and weird things like sweetbreads and calves’ brains. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-breathing-if-you-re-too-fucking-stupid-to-operate-a-colander/149237.md?page=5)