# How do you handle gift exchanges between very adult children? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 20, 2006, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-gift-exchanges-between-very-adult-children/384987 "2006-12-20T23:21:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2006, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-gift-exchanges-between-very-adult-children/384987/21 "2006-12-21T16:50:06Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] Ooh, good ideas. I like the idea of consumables - my sister is a huge wine-drinker (that doesn’t sound quite right - she likes wine a lot. Okay, that’s not much better. ANYway…), and I’m sure she’d love a good bottle of Shiraz. [/QUOTE] **featherlou** , last year my aunt and uncle (who weren’t supposed to buy us anything but that’s not the point) got us a neat bottle of wine that has a personalized label with our names on it. Probably too late for this year but might be an idea for your sister next year. You could also include one of those kits that turns a wine bottle into an oil lamp so she can continue to display it once the wine is gone. As far as how we do Christmas: We draw names. Kids and adults are all included in the same drawing. On my side we’re not secretive about it at all. If you have someone, you flat-out ask them what they need/want. On my husband’s side they like to keep it a secret and while that’s fun it makes it more difficult to shop. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2006, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-gift-exchanges-between-very-adult-children/384987/22 "2006-12-21T17:08:10Z")
[QUOTE=Zoe] One very large (and wealthy) family that I know used to draw names – children included. The person who drew your name had to actually make your present. But that was the only present that you had to concern yourself with! They had the most extraordinary gifts! My favorite was part of a tree trunk that was cut so that it was just the right size to sit on in front of the fire (like a stump). Other members of the family had carved their names into the bark. The wood was shellacked and handles were put on the sides to make it easy to lift or carry. Was that cool or what? [/QUOTE] I love this idea! ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2006, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-gift-exchanges-between-very-adult-children/384987/23 "2006-12-21T17:46:52Z")
At Thanksgiving, my dad’s family gets together at the cottage and draw names of one person not in each person’s immediate family (i.e. I’ll get one from either my aunt’s or uncle’s family, not my nuclear family) to give a gift to. It cuts down on the gift supply and postal expense, so that’s good. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2006, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-gift-exchanges-between-very-adult-children/384987/24 "2006-12-21T17:52:03Z")
On one side, we all plan a family vacation together instead of gifts. On the other side, we just decided this year not to buy gifts at all. Instead, we all agree to help on a project the others need, like painting a room, landscaping, remodels, etc. This works well for our family because we have a lot of handy people and we all live nearby. So we get a weekend when our whole family comes and helps us do a home project, and we agree to come help with the others. We all help out like this anyway, but it’s nice to agree to do it and plan on having everyone over to help, not just random one or two. I think it’s a good idea but if your family lives a long ways apart it might not work. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2006, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-gift-exchanges-between-very-adult-children/384987/25 "2006-12-21T18:11:37Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] Someone in a different thread mentioned that they don’t buy gifts, but put the money towards renting a cabin together (sorry, I don’t remember who that was), and that sounded like a good idea. [/QUOTE] That would be me. I’d like to take credit, but it was my sister’s idea. We also do a White Elephant exchange, which is hysterical. This year I’m wrapping up a jar of pickled relish that my neighbor down at the lake gave to me. Last year I found a hand painted cement Elvis that weighed about 40 pounds. Instead of doing the usual pick-a-number and steal a gift, we’re going to play “White Elephant Uno,” a game I devised: 1. Everyone will pick a gift at random and sit down. 2. One at a time, the gifts will be opened and admired. 3. Each person will then draw ONE card from an Uno deck: a) If they draw a red or a green number, everyone will pass their gift that number of places to the right. b) If they draw a blue or yellow number, everyone will pass their gift that number of places to the left. c) If they draw a “Draw Four” they will exchange gifts with one person and pick two other people to exchange gifts. d) If they pick a “Draw Two” they will exchange their gift with any one person. e) If they draw a wild card, they will retire from the game with the gift they currently hold. 1. After everyone has drawn, you will keep the gift you are holding. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2006, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-gift-exchanges-between-very-adult-children/384987/26 "2006-12-21T18:16:25Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] My sisters, brothers-in-law, husband and I are all well into our thirties now (most of us in our forties, actually), and the gift exchange we are still doing is starting to seem like an exercise in pointless consumption, since we’re all doing fairly well, we all have our own houses full of stuff, and we don’t need anything that we don’t just buy for ourselves as we need it. We have adjusted our gift exchange so we pick names and only buy one gift for each of the adults (kids exempt - they each get a gift from each couple), which is okay, but I’m thinking we can do better, still. (Stopping buying altogether doesn’t seem to be an option to my sisters, and I do like to show some appreciation for my family at least once a year.) [/QUOTE] Do what my ex-family did. They had this system too. Then one year, one sister sent the other Waterford Crystal from Ireland (ROI). It evidently arrived with about $1000 in import duties/tarriffs and shipping due. The sister recipient complained to the sister sender, and both agreed that sister reciepient would refuse to take possession, so that the gift would go back. Sister sender got a nice credit on her credit-card, and sister recipient got…Nothing. No replacement gift, no check for the agreed to dollar amount of the gift…Nothing. It pretty much ended all gift exchanges, as the shafted-sister refused to participate the next year and all the siblings agreed not to do it without her (and were worried Rip-Off sister, who wanted to stay in, would draw their names). ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2006, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-gift-exchanges-between-very-adult-children/384987/27 "2006-12-21T18:33:04Z")
Wait,\*\* featherlou \*\* said Adult children. Almost none of my siblings qualify, so just skip my post. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2006, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-gift-exchanges-between-very-adult-children/384987/28 "2006-12-23T04:10:03Z")
Well, I’m not going by maturity level, or we wouldn’t qualify, either. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2006, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-gift-exchanges-between-very-adult-children/384987/29 "2006-12-23T16:56:08Z")
While my mother was still alive, we did as she wished and rotated years. Year 1, I’d give brother 1 a gift, he’d give brother 2 a gift, he’d give brother 3 a gift, and brother 3 would give me on1. Year two, I’d give brother 2 a gift, he’d give me a gift… year three I’d give brother 3 a gift… That’s the way she and her sibs did it. Dad and his sibs did consumables, IIRC. Since Mom’s gone, none of us has any contact with brother 2. Brother 1 and I give gifts to each others’ kids and also we exchange gifts; brother 3 and I have done consumables. I often send ornaments to the sisters-in-law also. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2006, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-gift-exchanges-between-very-adult-children/384987/30 "2006-12-23T17:48:14Z")
We do very casual gift-giving. Essentially, if you see something perfect, you give it. Or if you know someone needs something, you give it. Otherwise, you don’t worry about it. My mother gives gifts, usually just one, to everyone. The aunts and uncles rarely get anything for the kids, since they are drowned in gifts already. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-handle-gift-exchanges-between-very-adult-children/384987.md?page=1)